Executive Dysfunction Meets Holiday To-Do Lists: Finding Peace in the Chaos
Struggling to manage holiday tasks with ADHD? Learn how executive dysfunction can paralyze you — and discover practical, brain-friendly strategies to make decorating, shopping, cooking, and planning feel doable.
The holidays bring joy — but for the ADHD brain that struggles with executive functioning skills, they also bring overwhelm. Decorating, shopping, cooking, planning … so many tasks and so little time! For people with ADHD, this ever-growing to-do list can trigger “task paralysis”. Executive functioning challenges doesn’t mean that you’re lazy or unmotivated — it means the brain systems that help with planning, organizing, and starting tasks are struggling with the weight of holiday demands. But it doesn’t have to derail your season. With the right tools, you can reframe holiday tasks into steps that feel manageable and less chaotic!
Why the Holiday Season Feels Especially Hard for ADHD Brains
Executive functioning challenges are about more than forgetfulness, tardiness and disorganization. They affect working memory, task initiation, inhibition, and planning — which are all deeply taxed during the holidays. This isn’t just theory: research shows that 89% of children with ADHD show impairment in at least one area of executive functioning, such as working memory, inhibitory control, or shifting between tasks. These challenges often persist well into adulthood.
If working memory is weak — as it is for many people with ADHD — the mental load of tracking gifts, coordinating meals, and remembering what goes where leaves folks feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and even defeated. In fact, studies suggest working memory deficits affect between 62% and 85% of people with ADHD.
Time perception is another big piece of the ADHD holiday puzzle. Usually holiday overwhelm comes from two main sources: leaving things until the last minute and trying to do too much. Many adults with ADHD misjudge how long tasks take– a phenomenon sometimes called “time blindness.” I prefer to call it “time optimism”: you just think you have more time than you actually do. In one study, adults with more severe ADHD symptomatology had significantly greater difficulty estimating time than their peers.
All of these neurocognitive challenges add up! Remember that executive functioning challenges don't just make holiday tasks tougher. They can also erode the confidence, motivation, and joy - the very things we need to survive the holiday season.
Reframing the Holiday To-Do List
Here’s how to meet holiday chaos with tools that support living with ADHD:
1. Dump It All
Start with a master list - write down everything you think you need to do, want to do, or might need to do this holiday. This is more than shopping or decorating — include emotional labor (family check-ins), self-care, “just in case” tasks, and fun things you don’t want to forget.
Once it's all out of your head, go through and sort tasks by priority and ‘due dates’:
High priority (“This MUST happen and by this time”)
Medium priority (“This SHOULD happen by this time–but not at the cost of sanity”)
“Nice-to-do” priority (“IF I have time or if things go smoothly elsewhere, then I’ll get to this.”)
This method is often recommended for executive functioning challenges because externalizing tasks helps free up the space in your brain we call “cognitive load.” It enables you to initiate and execute even the most dreaded of tasks more successfully. The trick is to avoid piling on too many things in one day. Instead, aim to make realistic progress daily on your holiday preparations.
2. Use Time Boxing
Time optimism— the challenge of perceiving how long things take — is common for those with ADHD. Setting strict, unrealistic deadlines often backfires. Instead: choose time boxes.
Pick short chunks of time (e.g., 15 or 30 minutes) to work on a specific holiday task. Use a visual timer (like a kitchen timer, TimeTimer or a timer app) to keep things concrete. The idea is to make space for something–one thing to happen, without pressuring yourself to finish everything. Consider giving yourself two endpoints: one that’s a warning and one that means you really have to stop.
It’s natural with ADHD to underestimate how long something will take and overestimate your capacity to finish a task. Double the amount of time you think something will take to help reduce this problem. Give yourself permission to end when the alert goes off and move on. Instead of berating yourself, pick another time to finish it. If you feel like you're not “allowed” to stop, that is your self-doubt about whether you will actually get back to the task. It’s okay to pause (even if the task isn’t perfectly done) as long as you make a plan for when you return.
3. Break Tasks Into Micro-Steps
Big tasks are scary; small tasks feel doable. Instead of planning to “wrap all gifts,” break it down:
Gather all gifts in one area
Buy wrapping supplies
Wrap two gifts
Label and stack wrapped gifts in order of when they need to be sent or given
Because working memory can be limited and organization is challenging, externalizing each micro-step helps you see progress. Your brain doesn’t have to shut down from the overwhelm of stress and task paralysis.
4. Pace Yourself
Whatever your obligations, the one thing you want to avoid is wearing yourself out by trying to squeeze in too much. What “too much” looks like varies person to person, so you’ll need to see what’s best for you.
Consider how much “active” time you can handle before needing a break and plan your time accordingly. If doing all your gift shopping in one day is a good strategy for you, then great. But if it feels like too much, spread out your shopping across multiple days or weekends. Create a game plan for where you are going and in what order. The same approach applies to socializing - most folks can’t handle more than 1 or maybe 2 social events in a day. Instead of overcommitting and needing to skip, plan on attending the gatherings that you will actually have the energy to handle and schedule recovery time afterwards.
5. Set Boundaries Around Holiday “Musts”
The holidays come with pressure — “You must send cards,” “You must go to your cousin’s party,” or “You must host your parents and your in-laws for dinner.” But when executive functioning challenges are involved, too many “musts” can spark overwhelm and guilt.
Pick a few realistic boundaries. Maybe you decide not to host this year, or send e-cards instead of paper, or limit social events to one per week. Make choices that protect your bandwidth on purpose. That means saying “no” when needed or “not this time.”
If you need to decline a party invitation, you can always suggest meeting the host for coffee or a walk to still have the chance to catch up. One-on-one or small group activities are much easier for people with ADHD. So if appropriate, give yourself permission to skip a large and noisy party and find other opportunities to connect with friends and family.
Final Thoughts
The holidays don’t have to cause distress from should’s, overwhelm and chaos. Executive functioning challenges may make certain tasks more difficult, but it doesn’t make them impossible, and pre-planning goes a long way.
With organization, boundaries and self-compassion, you can transform holiday stress into holiday success. Use these tips to rediscover what feels joyful about this time of year, make your holiday go more smoothly and create special memories with family and friends.
Warmly,
Dr. Sharon Saline
