Dear Dr. Sharon: “As soon as the holidays get close, our household feels like it goes off the rails. How can I help my son with ADHD stay regulated at home and school?”
The stretch between Thanksgiving and winter break can feel like a whirlwind for any family, but for parents of neurodivergent kids, it often comes with extra layers of stress. Routines shift, schools fill the calendar with theme days and celebrations, and the excitement of the season can tip quickly into overwhelm at home & school.
Dear Dr. Sharon,
As soon as the holidays get close, our household feels like it goes off the rails. My son is 12 and has ADHD, and all the schedule changes — half days at school, spirit weeks, holiday programs, random treats in class — completely unsettle him and throw off expectations we have worked hard to set since the Fall. By the time winter break starts, he’s overwhelmed, extra sensitive, and melting down over things he could normally handle...which creates a ripple effect in our family.
I want him to enjoy the excitement, but I also want to help him stay regulated when every routine he relies on is suddenly different. How can I support him through all these shifts without turning December into a month of big emotions and stress for our whole family?
-Robert, Maryland
Dear Robert -
You’re describing something many families experience this time of year, especially when a child has ADHD or is neurodiverse. November and December tend to bring a ton of special events, schedule shifts, celebrations, treats, and general excitement. These things are meant to be fun, but they also disrupt the very routines that help kids with ADHD feel grounded.
For a 12-year-old — right in those tween years where emotions run strong and independence is growing — that loss of predictability can be especially destabilizing. Kids who usually handle transitions fairly well may suddenly seem irritable, overstimulated, or more reactive than usual. And as you’ve noticed, when one child is dysregulated, the whole household can feel it.
So let’s look at what’s happening, why these changes hit so hard, and how you can help him navigate this season with a familiar sense of structure and routine.
Why Holiday Disruptions Hit ADHD Brains Hard
Children with ADHD or other neurodivergence rely heavily on external structure to regulate attention, emotions, and behavior. When that structure shifts every few days — or every few hours — it can feel like the rug keeps getting pulled out from underneath them.
Several factors come into play:
Changes in routine deplete their regulatory “reserve”: Research consistently shows that children with ADHD have more difficulty with transitions and unexpected changes than their neurotypical peers. One study found that roughly 70% of children with ADHD struggle significantly with flexibility and shifting between tasks. When school days suddenly include assemblies, themed dress-up days, and altered schedules, those challenges multiply.
Excitement and stimulation overload their systems: Holiday events tend to be louder, brighter, and more fast-paced. Kids with ADHD often show heightened sensitivity to sensory input, and as many as 40–60% also have sensory processing challenges, which can intensify reactions to novelty and noise.
Emotional regulation gets harder under stress: A large body of research suggests that about 50–75% of youth with ADHD experience challenges with emotional regulation, especially when routines shift or demands increase. What looks like “overreacting” is often a sign that their regulatory resources are stretched thin.
Add holiday anticipation on top of that, and a child who is typically adaptable may suddenly seem overwhelmed, tearful, or argumentative. Not because they don’t want to enjoy the season — but because their internal anchors are harder to access.
How You Can Support Him at Home
You don’t need to eliminate the fun or the spontaneity of the holidays. The goal is to create a sense of familiar predictability within all the shifting schedules. A few targeted adjustments can make a big difference.
1. Routine Reminders
Since schedules can change frequently during the holiday season, start by establishing basic routines to your day. Create blocks of times between breakfast, lunch and dinner that include high and low energy activities as well as a quiet period. Set up regular check-in times in the mornings and afternoons to monitor how he is doing. Collaborate on up to three choices for these time blocks if appropriate.
You might also try saying “What’s different today?” on the refrigerator or a dry erase board - this is for the holiday party, or dinner at Grandma’s, or a parade after school. Remind him that the plan for the day is posted there and he can check it for himself. Verbal AND visual cues are key for kids with ADHD to help reduce the chaos of this season.
2. Maintain 2–3 daily “non-negotiables”
When everything else is shifting, a few predictable anchors help steady the nervous system. Even 10 minutes of a familiar routine can help restore emotional balance. Choose routines that matter most for him, like:
-Consistent bedtime rituals
-Morning check-ins
-Daily downtime or movement breaks
These will help build opportunities for conversation and connection without him needing to ask, too.
3. Build in recovery time after stimulating events.
For a neurodivergent child, it can be difficult under normal circumstances to control their impulses and regulate emotions. This is doubly difficult during the holidays when everything is at full tilt. If you know he’s coming home from a party or celebration, assume he’ll need space to decompress — not punishment for being dysregulated. Think of it as a buffer between environments. Offer low-demand activities such as:
-Calm play
-A shower or bath
-A quiet corner with a book or headphones
-Time outside
4. Keep expectations simple and clear.
When a child is already stretched thin, multi-step tasks or vague directives can push them over their threshold. Break instructions into small, concrete steps, and give one at a time if needed. This reduces misunderstandings and prevents power struggles.
Also, remember to have the "holiday house rules" conversation with your children. Different households often have different rules (no surprise). Be hyper-specific with your explanations about what’s okay and what’s to be avoided at the homes you are visiting. For example, "At Grandma’s house, we don’t jump on the couch," or, "Uncle Bill doesn’t hear very well so it’s okay to talk loudly with him.”
A little clarity goes a long way, and the more you can help establish expectations for transitions, the smoother they’ll go.
5. Make room for mixed emotions.
It’s easy to assume holidays = excitement. But for many neurodivergent kids, excitement and anxiety travel together. When he feels conflicted, validating those feelings (“This week has a lot going on — it makes sense that your body feels jumpy right now”) can help him settle. Next, talk with him about the physical cues of anxiety in his body. Does he have balled fists, clenched teeth, sweaty palms, etc. that could signal its time for a breather?
Ways to Collaborate with His School
Families and educators often underestimate how much small schedule changes impact neurodivergent students. Most are willing to help once they understand what the child is experiencing.
1. Request small accommodations during high-energy weeks.
Even minor adjustments can help him stay regulated. Some examples:
-A quiet workspace during chaotic activities
-A predictable job or role during class events
-Advance notice before transitions
-An agreed-upon break spot if he becomes overwhelmed
These supports are well within typical classroom practice and often take minimal effort from teachers.
2. Normalize stepping out when he’s overloaded.
For a neurodivergent child, it can be difficult under normal circumstances to control their impulses and regulate emotions. This is doubly difficult during the holidays when everything is at full tilt.
Some kids need permission to remove themselves from overstimulation. Work with the school to identify a calm place he can go for a short reset — the hallway, a counselor’s office, or a quiet corner. Come up with a code word that he can use to let his teachers or other adults know that he needs to access these spaces.
3. Make home–school communication a light lift.
You don’t need daily updates, but a quick check-in can prevent meltdowns from building. A simple note to his teacher like, “Any big changes coming this week?” can open helpful conversations and troubleshoot potential stumbling blocks.
Wrapping It Up
This shift that occurs in December is so very real, and many families of neurodivergent kids struggle with seasonal changes at home and school. The combination of excitement, unpredictability, and sensory intensity can overload a child who thrives on structure and familiarity.
Offering him consistency and opportunities for recovery time won’t remove the seasonal challenges entirely, but it can soften the emotional swings and help him participate in the parts of the season he truly enjoys with less overwhelm. And it gives your family a little more breathing room too - something we all could use a bit more of this time of year.
These coming weeks can still hold joy, connection, and meaningful traditions at home and school. With the right scaffolding and a few targeted adjustments across environments, your son can enjoy the holiday season without losing the stability he relies on — and you can move through December with a bit more ease as well.
Warmly,
Dr. Sharon
