YourTango - Social Anxiety & ADHD: How to better manage anxiety with supportive planning and preparation
Read the article featured on YourTango! Read the original blog post here. 
The Peaceful Parenting Podcast - Episode 22: Understanding ADHD with Dr. Sharon Saline
- What is ADHD?
- The three types of ADHD
- How to help our kids build working memory
- Why understanding extrinsic vs. intrinsic motivation is important
- Dr. Sharon’s 5 C’s of ADHD parenting approach
Productive Procrastination and ADHD: How to stop running in place and start tackling your goals
Many people with ADHD think that procrastination is a natural part of having ADHD and, all too often, see themselves as being incapable of getting things done that they would like to. However, most procrastinators rarely spend their time doing nothing. Instead, they are great at doing other things--sharpening pencils, picking the right music to listen to, tidying up the kitchen, etc.: anything but the main task. It seems that people with ADHD who procrastinate can be productive, as long as they're focusing on a task that interests them and isn't too challenging. When people engage in more interesting and approachable tasks, while putting off a more important task that might seem overwhelming, it's known as productive procrastination.
Procrastination, ADHD and anxiety
Procrastination can be debilitating. Your child with ADHD puts off her science project until the day before it's due; you wait to clean your house until an hour before your in-laws arrive when your panic about having a messy living room kicks in. Adrenaline jumpstarts your activity level by fueling your dopamine pathways to fire. Often, procrastination is a form of anxiety; you’re not sure that you can do the task, project or assignment the way you want to, or at all. You’re worried and uncertain about the outcome, so you avoid it and set it aside until the due date is right in front of you. The term productive procrastination was first used by Piers Steel in his book, The Procrastination Equation. Productive procrastination is also known as 'procrastivity' (Russell Ramsey, Ph.D.), positive procrastination or structural procrastination. Often, people put the big ticket items at the top of their to-do list--if they make one--followed by other easier items. Then, they aim for the low hanging fruit, even if it means they are wasting their time.
The short term relief of productive procrastination
Productive procrastination is a delay tactic that feels good because you are getting other things done while avoiding the onerous or unpleasant ones. You keep yourself busy with something else and stay away from the big thing that’s really looming over your head. You still do things that need to be accomplished, but what you work on is less urgent and important than the items you push aside. This makes you feel temporarily better because you feel like you are making progress and you are. But this short term relief increases your long-term stress.
Productive procrastination and the ADHD brain
Reducing productive procrastination relies on self-regulation and the ability to prioritize. You have to do a brain dump: identify what’s critical to do right now (emergencies and crises), and then sort out everything else. This is where folks with ADHD stumble; it’s tough to determine what is most important if urgency isn’t attached to it. 
It's harder to write a history paper or finish that work report than it is to do the laundry. Both need to be accomplished, but doing the laundry is less cognitively demanding than writing, so it gets pushed to the front. It’s a task that’s more on autopilot than the creative, organizing, sorting and persistence needed for research and writing. That's why ADHD brains wander off to do those tasks first. Tasks that lend themselves to productive procrastination often have a time frame, with clear starting and endpoints. Doing the laundry or taking out the chicken to defrost for dinner is a finite task. Written work, especially if you throw in perfectionism, does not. The ADHD brain, driven towards the satisfaction and engagement from tangible, higher dopamine activities (those that seem more easily achievable), will focus on those activities first.
4 tips to combat productive procrastination:
1. Break down big tasks into smaller chunks
When you complete a piece of work, the work not only then seems smaller, but it also helps reduce your anxiety about completing it. Create a fixed time period to work on it so it doesn’t takeover your life. If you are parenting a child or teen with ADHD, prepare to assist them in chunking assignments and chores. Take stock of what you’ve accomplished when you take your pause. You’ve done something, keep going!
2. Pay attention to and address mood issues
Your son may not want to walk the dog because he's not in the mood. Your daughter may pick an argument with you to avoid doing her math homework. You may struggle yourself to summon up the effort to sit down and balance your checking account. Overcoming your negativity using emotional control, and starting anyway, is what’s called for. With a smaller chunk of work as your goal, and a set start and stop time, you may find that you can summon the motivation to begin. Consider playing soothing or inspirational music, making a cup of your favorite tea or setting your timer. Ask your kids what would help them get into the frame of mind. The mood may never arrive, and that’s okay. Do it anyway. If you can’t, make a plan with a friend, family member or work buddy to help you talk about what’s bothering and sit down at your desk. If there is nobody you can reach, talk it out in your voice memo, or write it out for a short timed period. Think about how you will feel (positively) on the other side of doing some work.
3. Avoid negative self-talk, exaggeration and trickery
Negative self-talk will tell you that you can’t do things that you actually can do and probably have accomplished in the past. Anxiety often erases memories of courage and competence, and our negative memory bias doesn't help. Anxiety also distorts things and can exaggerate the discomfort or impossibility of doing a task. Many people with ADHD also deceive themselves into thinking they cannot do something because it didn’t work before, without giving themselves a chance to try it again differently. This is true for kids, too. Challenge these parts by recalling previous successes. Think about a time when you dreaded doing something and left it until the last minute.
-
- How did that work out for you?
- What was the price you paid to complete it?
- Do you want to do that again?
Create some phrases to talk back to this part of you:
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- Say, “Yes, I can do this, and I have succeeded in the past.”
- Or, “I’ve set my timers, I’ve planned my reward when I stop, so let’s get started.”
4. Build a strategy to reduce productive procrastination
Use your logic and ask for help when needed. These tools will continue to improve prioritization skills. Over and over, ask yourself (or your child) about the time and value factors related to the tasks on your to-do list:
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- Is this urgent?
- What is the importance of this task?
Identify helpful supports--whether digital apps or human advise. Create a map of how to approach the hard stuff, how to set up meaningful incentives, and what tools you might need for self-regulation to get there. If you are really struggling, consider finding a buddy who can assist you or keep you company in this process. 
Read more blog posts:
- Planning and Prioritizing Practices for ADHD Brains: What’s the plan, and when do you start?!
- ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- ADHD & Productive Procrastination (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Sources: Ramsay, R. (2020, July 16). Procrastivity (a.k.a. sneaky avoidance) and adult ADHD coping. Psychology Today. Retrieved November 3, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-adult-adhd/202007/procrastivity-aka-sneaky-avoidance-and-adult-adhd-coping. Steel, P. (2012). The procrastination equation: How to stop putting things off and start getting stuff done. Harper.
The Normangee Star - You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion: How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism
Dr. Saline's article "You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion: How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism" was featured in The Normangee Star Newspaper! It's featured in Volume 109, No.42, page 5, on October 27, 2021. Read the article, originally published by ADDitude Magazine. Subscribe to The Normangee Star Newspaper Serving Normangee, Hilltop Lakes and Surrounding Communities in Leon and Madison Counties of Texas since 1912.
COCORO MEDIA: The ADHD-Anger Connection (Japanese Translation)
Click here to read the COCORO MEDIA article (Japanese). Click here the original article on Psychology Today (English).
ADHD and Metacognition: Learning to reflect on your thoughts and experiences with a growth mindset
Metacognition is the awareness and understanding of your own thinking and thought processes with the goal of improving learning and performance. Put simply, it’s a way to manage your thinking. Metacognition allows you to connect the dots, see the big picture, self-evaluate and monitor, which ultimately helps you with performance and task completion. This self-awareness helps improve time management, planning, focus and other skills challenge kids and adults with ADHD. With practice and time, you will get the hang of the skills needed to apply metacognition and improve problem solving.
Metacognition and ADHD
Metacognition is a process related to self-awareness and is considered a key Executive Function (EF) skill because it governs behavioral output and is tied to emotional control. It is the last EF skill to fully coalesce in the late twenties for people with ADHD. In fact, researchers at University College of London found that subjects with better metacognition had more grey matter in the anterior right prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain found to be smaller in folks with ADHD. So, those with ADHD may require a bit more time and effort to strengthen their metacognitive skills. The ability for self-regulation and assessment allows you to better achieve specific goals, learn what worked well (and what didn’t) and to then apply that learning to future tasks.
Benefits of managing your thinking
Metacognitive thinking, along with self-regulation, helps you choose, monitor, and evaluate how you approach a task. It helps you measure progress and how close you are to achieving (or not) your final goal. In addition, it helps you transfer learning and information to different contexts and tasks by being more aware of strengths and challenges.
For example, if you are writing a report for school or work, metacognition increases your awareness of your progress, possible distractions and need for more efficiency so you can make different choices. If, upon self-reflection, you notice it was way too noisy in the coffee shop to concentrate on your writing, you can move to a quieter space to finish your work more productively. When your next writing project rolls around, you will already have learned that you get better results in a quiet environment. You'll skip the cafe and head straight to your bedroom or a nearby library.
The goal is to observe your abilities and improve your strategies to accomplish various tasks and projects. By assessing goals and outcomes, you’re better equipped to shift efforts and strategies. You can then develop, find, and allocate resources to optimize performance. The more experience you have in managing your thinking, the easier it’ll get.
Metacognition in action
Metacognition for task completion
Metacognitive processes can be applied at any point throughout the execution of a task. Therefore, you are learning and adjusting along the way.
Beforehand: Look ahead to what is in front of you: What is the goal of this assignment? Do I have what I need to work on this task? What is my first step? Second step?
During: Notice your progress: How is my plan working? Am I making progress? Do I need to make any adjustments? Where do I need help? Who will I ask for assistance? What do I know about this topic/situation/problem already that could assist me here? Where can I find the information I need?
Afterwards: Consider the process as well as the accomplishment. What did I do well? What could I have done differently?
Metacognition for social interactions
In addition to task completion, metacognitive thinking can be applied to social interactions. You create a valuable feedback loop when you practice asking yourself open-ended questions that foster self-reflection:
“How am I feeling?”
“What’s helped me before that I could apply to this situation?”
“What is the impact of my words or behaviors on others?”
"Where has my attention been drawn to during this conversation?"
“What are their faces and bodies showing me?”
Tips for more beneficial metacognitive practices
1. Practice body awareness
Another way to manage your thinking and increase self-awareness is to notice your body sensations. Are you starting to feel anxious or tense? Is it time to shift gears in order to feel more relaxed?
2. Keep observations neutral
It's very important that you don't use self-evaluation as a pathway for self-criticism. For metacognitive abilities to be useful, they have to be neutral. Instead of asking, "Why can't I do this differently?" ask, "How can I do this differently, and what support do I need to make this happen?"
3. Practice a growth mindset
Reframe self-evaluation from good/bad to working/not working to avoid negativity, reinforce a growth mindset and bolster resilience. Metacognitive thinking is a powerful tool which allows you to acknowledge problems without succumbing to failure mentality or difficulties and giving up. It’s a way to focus on continued learning, improving efficiency in problem solving and identifying tools and resources needed for support.
Read more blog posts:
- Raising Teens With ADHD: Redefining What 'Success' Means
- Low Motivation And ADHD: Using 'GRIT' To Tackle The Essential Tasks When You're Just Not Interested
- Planning And Prioritizing Practices For ADHD Brains: What's The Plan, And When Do You Start?!
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- ADHD and Metacognition - Executive Functioning Support (ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/motivation/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Sources: Allen, Micah, et al. “Metacognitive Ability Correlates with Hippocampal and Prefrontal Microstructure.” NeuroImage, vol. 149, 2017, pp. 415–423., https://doi.org/10.1016/j.
YourTango: 4 Common Misconceptions About ADHD That Everyone Needs To Forget (Weekly Best!)
*Now a YourTango Experts Weekly Best: Editor's Pick!*
PsychCentral: The 10 Best Books for ADHD in 2021
Dr. Sharon Saline's book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew, was chosen "Best for parents of kids with ADHD!" Click here to read the PsychCentral article! Click here to learn more about Dr. Saline's book!
Social Anxiety and ADHD: How to better manage anxiety with supportive planning and preparation
Social anxiety is a fear that people will scrutinize you in either familiar or unfamiliar social situations, and this negative judgment will have harmful effects on you. These worries about humiliation and rejection are persistent, often last six months or more, and restrict your activities, interests and relationships. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA) states that approximately 15 million adults in the U.S. (6.8% of the population) meet the criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder, also called social phobia, and it typically starts in adolescence--around 13 years old. Overcoming social anxiety is not easy, and it's a common struggle for children, teens and adults with ADHD. About 50% of adults with ADHD and up to 30% of children with ADHD also have a coexisting anxiety disorder. While you may not be able to overcome social anxiety overnight, you can learn to manage it better with a few key strategies.
Does this sound familiar?
“I feel that a lot of times I genuinely do want to socialize and get to know people. But trauma and fear of rejection disables me from doing it. It’s hard to fight my brain to meet this goal.” – Gunther, age 18 “I have ADHD and social anxiety. The ADHD makes you physically awkward and it makes you stand out. I'm in my 30s and I'm terrified of socializing. It started when I was a kid. It's terrible. I'm a complete hermit.” - Anthony, age 35 When you worry so much about being negatively judged, you can’t really be yourself, make rewarding friendships, or build a satisfying life. Instead, social anxiety blocks you every step of the way.
Sources of social anxiety
Overcoming social anxiety begins with understanding its root causes. It most often stems from one or more of the following: 
- Limited exposure to positive social experiences
- Genetics (people with anxious parents are more prone to anxiety)
- History of being bullied
- Memories of public humiliation
- A general discomfort communicating with people
Other causes of social anxiety may come from feeling that you can’t relate to people or you haven’t learned proper social skills. For teens especially, dating, bullying and peer pressure all contribute to social anxiety. Social anxiety goes beyond shyness or introversion. One of its most important traits is a response to a trigger or situation which is above and beyond the actual threat of that situation. For example: You are so freaked out that everyone is looking at you when you are in line at the café that you don’t even try to stay and order a coffee. In reality, nobody is looking at you other than the server who takes your order. The worst part of social anxiety is that you know what you are doing makes no sense, and yet you can’t stop it anyway.
Symptoms of social anxiety
Some symptoms of social anxiety overlap with the characteristics of ADHD which makes diagnosis and treatment particularly complicated. People with ADHD who already struggle with understanding or missing social cues and wrestling with big emotions are particularly vulnerable to social anxiety.
Common symptoms:
- Feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious when talking to people outside of your immediate family and/or keeping conversations very short
- Having trouble making or keeping friends
- Worrying for days or even weeks before a social event
- Being intensely afraid other people will negatively judge you
- Avoiding experiences or places where social interaction will occur (parties, classes, stores, restaurants, gyms, grocery stores, etc.)
- Being embarrassed to eat in front of others
- Experiencing panic attacks including nausea, shaking or perspiration in social environments
Managing social anxiety
Teens and adults with ADHD may experience social anxiety differently depending on the situation. You may be anxious about talking in class but be comfortable with working out at the gym. It’s important to understand in which environments you experience discomfort, and work on developing coping mechanisms for those settings.
1. Start with small goals
Instead of pressuring yourself to hang out with a group of people on multiple occasions, set up some one-to-one get-togethers with friends or family. These will help you practice your social skills in less overwhelming situations, where you can talk and listen without the distraction of larger crowds.
2. Create a strategy for larger gatherings
Talk through a coping strategy with a parent, sibling, counselor or coach. Think about who feels safe to talk to, who understands that you struggle with social anxiety, and whom you want to avoid. Prepare a one-liner response for when people ask how you are doing: “Nice to see you,” “School/work is going well,” “How are you?”
3. Plan your escape
Decide in advance what you will do if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Where will you go? The bathroom is always a safe bet as everyone uses it, and it won’t seem odd that you are going there. When you are feeling overloaded, step outside for a few minutes to regroup.
4. Plan for recovery time
Most people with social anxiety need time to recover from the output of energy, thought and emotion that interactions demand of them.
Make a list of things you like to do that will help you chill out and nurture yourself. Post this list in your room and remind yourself to use it!
Many people with social anxiety feel badly about themselves and wish they were different. The truth is, there shouldn't be any shame in feeling socially anxious, and it's common for people with or without ADHD. You are not alone, and you can manage social anxiety effectively with the right support.
Read more blog posts:
- How to Transform Anxiety in Kids with ADHD to Excitement
- 6 Helpful Tips for Dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
- Gender, Sexuality and ADHD: Parenting Children and Youth with ADHD Exploring Their Gender and Sexual Identity
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel: [embed]https://youtu.be/TUOPKtSbR2w[/embed] Handouts, Videos & More in Dr. Saline's Store: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/anxiety/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Sources: Adult ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. (2021, October 19). Retrieved October 19, 2021, from https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/adult-adhd. Coexisting Conditions. Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). Retrieved October 19, 2021, from https://chadd.org/about-adhd/coexisting-conditions/. Relationship Between ADHD and Anxiety. Healthline. (2016, December 15). Retrieved October 19, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd-and-anxiety. Understanding Anxiety & Depression: Facts & Statistics. Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. (2021, September 19). Retrieved October 19, 2021, from https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics.
ADHD Misconceptions: How to respond to 4 damaging false beliefs and assumptions about ADHD
As we continue to celebrate ADHD Awareness Month, I’d like to offer you support and suggestions for dealing with people who don’t understand what it’s like to live with ADHD or believe that it truly exists. Maybe it's your friend, boss, teacher, coach or a family member. ADHD misconceptions and myths negatively impact people with ADHD, and those who support them, every day. Here are some comments that folks just like you have shared about the biases, judgments and frustrations they encounter every day. We'll review why these are beliefs and assumptions are false and how you can respond to them with calm confidence.
4 Common ADHD Misconceptions:
1. ADHD is a lack of willpower.
- “I’m tired of hearing that I’m not trying, or I just make excuses.”
- “People think I don’t want help. What I don’t want is for someone to tell me to do something that makes no sense to my brain.”
- “People think we are just hyperactive, stupid or lazy. They don’t understand that we need a different way to understand concepts or approach tasks.”
One of the biggest ADHD misconceptions is that people with ADHD don't have willpower. But people with ADHD actually have a lot of willpower: You face each day and do the best you can while living with significant executive functioning challenges. You have determination: you try to apply yourself to a variety of tasks in a variety of situations. Lower levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain make it much more difficult to muster up the energy and concentration for things that seem uninteresting or unfulfilling and yet, kids and adults with ADHD figure out how to do this when they have access to appropriate supports. You (and/or your child) are a neurodivergent, outside-the-box thinker, which can be a great asset to any project, classroom, team or job. You are warriors.
How you can respond:
When someone talks about laziness or a lack of willpower, consider responding by saying: "ADHD is a biologically-based condition that affects executive functioning skills such as organization, time management and planning. I’m building those skills every day. If you’d like to learn more about ADHD, I’m happy to share some information with you." Remember that you are warriors, regardless of what others think.
2. Everybody has a little ADHD.
- “A little ADHD. Haha. That’s called distraction.”
- “People think if you are not hyper and wild, you don’t have ADHD.”
- “Don’t we all have ADHD because of computers and smartphones?"
There are different types of ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive, inattentive and combination) and different levels of symptomology (mild, moderate or severe). However, there is no such thing as “a little ADHD," and technology does not cause ADHD. Using technology and multitasking can exacerbate symptoms of inattention and impulsivity, but they don’t cause ADHD. ADHD is rooted in a person’s neurology. This is why “everybody has ADHD” is not a valid statement. What we have today is a distracted society, with kids and adults alike accustomed to being virtually connected at all times and expecting immediate responses to questions or problems. These statements minimize your experience as an adult with ADHD, or as a parent of someone with ADHD. It’s easy to feel hurt or angry when you hear them.
How you can respond:
While you might feel frustrated, try responding by saying: “While all people can feel distracted and preoccupied at times, that is very different from the biology of having ADHD.” Do not let their ignorance diminish your lived experience, and focus on your personal strengths.
3. ADHD means lower intelligence.
“The assumption is that you can’t be at the top of your class and have ADHD.” - “Kids with ADHD don't have the same abilities as kids without it.”
- “How do I convince my daughter she is not broken but needs help to teach her the skills she is just lacking in?”
Having ADHD doesn’t mean that your brain is broken or your intelligence is lower. There is more than one way to view intelligence. Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences suggests eight to nine different types, including visual-spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, naturalistic intelligence and more. The reality is that everyone has stronger areas of intelligence than others -- ADHD or not. But even if you're simply concerned about IQ, ADHD is not correlated with someone having a a higher or lower score.
People with ADHD struggle with attending to and remembering certain subjects that they're not interested in--more so than their peers. This is because their memory and attention works differently. What people with ADHD attend to, learn and remember is often determined by what elicits a stronger dopamine response.
This doesn't mean that they can't succeed in subjects that don't interest them, it's just much more difficult for them. However, people with ADHD can -- and often DO -- excel in subjects, and especially those that interest them! They can even hyperfocus on interests and activities that attract their attention (which can be, but is not always, a positive experience).
A person with ADHD might also have a lot of knowledge on a subject but struggle with the format of the "tests" that they're given. Many people with ADHD think, process and recall better in less distracting environments. Some think better when they can move around or fidget. They might need more testing time and/or the flexibility to express their knowledge in different ways. Thus, we can't effectively assess everyone's intelligence with a single testing system that wasn't designed for neurodiverse people.
It's a common and dangerous ADHD misconception to think low intelligence is linked to ADHD. It can harm confidence and self-esteem.
How you can respond:
So how do you respond to this hurtful ADHD misconception? Try saying: "ADHD doesn't correlate with higher or lower intelligence. There are many types of intelligence, and people with ADHD are often intelligent in areas that interest us compared to areas that don't because of how our attention is regulated. Though people with ADHD can struggle in school, it has much more to do with the accessibility and flexibility of the learning and testing systems than it does our intelligence." Though people might want to point out your challenges, I encourage you to reflect on, and focus on, your strengths and interests.
4. ADHD means less success.
“My partner thinks our teenager won't get into a good college because of his ADHD."- "I don't see the point of trying to sell my art, no one's going to want it anyways."
- "People think that those with ADHD will always be 'a little behind' their peers."
Growing up, it might have seemed like adults assessed how well we would "succeed in life" based on our school grades, athletic achievements, ability to make and keep friends, etc. Sometimes, it felt that our "success" as a teenager was going to determine the rest of our lives! Kids and teens can get the impression that they're destined for failure when they experience struggles in school. That is far from the truth! But, unfortunately, this belief can negatively impact their mood, self-esteem and motivation. 
Adults with ADHD still experience difficulties, such as executive functioning, emotional dysregulation and impulsivity challenges. But they can also have a greater understanding of their needs and strengths. They have more experience trying what works and what doesn't. Even though adulthood brings more challenges (it certainly does), there are also more opportunities for exploration, self-discovery, connections, joy and "success." It's hard to ignore the many societal influences we encounter everyday that promotes a limited idea of what "success" should look like, but it's important to reflect on what "success" means to you, personally. This way, you make choices that reflect your own goals. Focus on your strengths, interests and values. What would YOU like to accomplish because YOU want to accomplish it? If you have ADHD, you might notice your interests change more frequently than your peers. This might mean your idea of "success" is changing, too, and that's okay!
How you can respond:
If someone is questioning you or your child's ability to "succeed," consider saying something like this: "What it means to 'succeed' is often different from one person to the next. People with ADHD might need accommodations in certain school, work, social and community settings, but we can thrive academically, professionally, socially, creatively and in other various ways. We often live successful and fulfilling lives." Rather than believing people with ADHD don't have the means to "succeed," how can we focus more on helping people with ADHD access the support and accommodations they need so they have more opportunities to succeed? 
Read more blog posts:
- Celebrate ADHD Awareness Month by Accepting the Wonderful Uniqueness of Living with ADHD
- Responding to ADHD Doubters: Learn history and science that debunks 5 common ADHD myths
- Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Deal with & Educate ADHD Doubters (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- What the world gets wrong about ADHD - ADHD Awareness Month (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Tips to help your kids make a smooth transition back to school (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interview with Dr. Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Sources: Cherry, K. (2019, July 17). Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. Verywell Mind. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.verywellmind.com/gardners-theory-of-multiple-intelligences-2795161. Fletcher, J. (2019, July 11). ADHD and high IQ: What's the link? Medical News Today. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325715#are-there-any-links.
Attention Talk Radio - ADHD: “I’m Sorry,” a Reflexive Response
YourTango: The Very Best Strategies to Reduce Conflict and Increase Calmness in Your Neurodiverse Kids
Psychology Today: Learning to Prioritize With ADHD
Celebrate ADHD Awareness Month by Accepting the Wonderful Uniqueness of Living with ADHD
October marks ADHD Awareness Month! Let’s kick this off by focusing on how you can live with more acceptance of ADHD — as an individual, as a family or with your child. As a person moves through life with ADHD, criticism, from others and yourself, not only adds up over the years but also becomes internalized negative beliefs. This inner critic puts you down and makes it seem like you never measure up when compared to neurotypical peers, who seem as if they don’t make as many mistakes or struggle to the same extent. The secret to reducing negative thought patterns and harsh self-judgments lies turning down the volume of this negative self-critic and accepting the brain you have. Maybe it’s forgiving those moments where you forgot an appointment or learning how to laugh when your daughter left her lunch on the counter again. Acceptance begins by normalizing your experiences and recognizing that you're not alone. It begins with self-compassion.
Embrace your ADHD with self-compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff says that self-compassion is treating yourself with care and understanding instead of harsh judgment. This compassion reduces the isolation that your inner critic thrives on and places you within a common humanity. Instead of feeling alone, unworthy or damaged, you are part of a larger whole — who also experiences disappointment, frustration and low self-esteem at times. All suffering is not the same, of course, but all humans experience pain and suffering in some way that's worthy of empathy. Dr. Neff explains that compassion depends on mindfulness: the ability to sit with things as they are and not deny or minimize them. This is especially important for kids with ADHD, who need to accept themselves — warts and all — in order to learn how to advocate for themselves effectively and see themselves positively as they develop. Self-compassion means asking yourself, "What would help me now? What do I really need at this moment?" instead of, "What's wrong with me? Why can’t I get things right?” It allows someone to stop fighting with themselves and start embracing a growth mindset instead.
Explore who you are, and address feelings of shame
Accepting yourself depends on identifying your strengths, talents and interests while acknowledging and addressing shame. I have been working with kids, teens and adults with ADHD for nearly 30 years, and there is one sad constant that I have seen: every single person has a deep seated sense of shame about having ADHD and/or being 'different' from their peers. 
Whether this shame is obvious or buried, many youngsters and adults living with ADHD just don’t feel good about how they manage school, work, life tasks or social relationships next to their peers. Just like your kids, you may compare yourself to others and come up short. Engaging in “compare and despair” not only hurts you but also makes it much harder to foster the resilience and self-compassion that you and your child really need. When shame, doubt and judgement rise to the surface, shift your focus, and talk back to this inner critic: “I don’t have to listen to you. I can pay attention to my inner coach instead.”
Amplify the voice of your inner coach
While you need to know where you struggle to create plans and programs for improvement, it’s equally very important to remember and understand where you succeed, where you are engaged and what makes you feel good about yourself. This inner coach is your other voice — another part of ourselves that's stronger and louder than shame. It comes from the parts of ourselves that we really like. 
Ask yourself:
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- What about myself am I proud of, and what do I do well?
- What do I like about my ADHD?
- Which activities do I really enjoy and wish I could engage in more?
Brainstorm answers to these questions with your kids, too! Maybe you’re a loyal friend or a talented artist; maybe they are a skilled soccer player, delicious baker or enthusiastic pianist. Write down several of these positive aspects, and leave this list in a bedroom, in the kitchen or on your phone.
Identify what your ADHD means to you.
One of my 10 year-old clients transformed the term ADHD into a colorful list of words he liked about himself: "I have 'Active, Determined, Heavenly, Dreamer Brain,' or I have 'Amazing, Desirable, Heartwarming, Delightful Brain.'" What a great positive reframe from having a "disorder," which is a term that many people in the ADHD community don't actually agree is an accurate way to describe their ADHD neurotype. According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, the ideal positivity ratio is 3 positives for every 1 negative. So, by having his list around, it cued him to notice the positive every day. He increased the volume of the voice of his inner coach while turning down the noise from his inner critic.
Celebrate YOU this ADHD Awareness Month
ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are. Celebrate by noticing what is working, what goes well and what you like about yourself. Help your kids do the same! 
There are so many wonderful aspects of being a creative, outside-the-box thinker. Can your family name these or make a fun poster to hang in the kitchen during October? People who live with ADHD make our world a much richer place. Take pride in the things you or your kids do that are unique, funny, artistic, athletic and brilliant. Accepting yourself with self-compassion allows you to be good enough just as you are: a wonderful, perfectly imperfect human being, and unique — just like everybody else! Enjoy this ADHD Awareness Month — dedicated to you!!
ADHD Awareness Month Events with Dr. Sharon Saline:
ADHD Awareness Expo (10/1 - 10/31) Hosted by Tara McGillicuddy
TADD Talks for ADHD Awareness (10/1 - 10/31) Hosted by ADDA
3rd Annual ADHD EdCamp Home (10/9) Hosted by Brooke Schnittman, Dr. Christina Seamster, Lynn Miner-Rosen and Melissa Knight
On The Right ADHD Trail Telesummit (10/15 - 10/17) Hosted by Cathy Goett
Join me at the 2021 Virtual International Conference on ADHD in November! It's a fantastic place to learn, socialize and have fun with hundreds of people living with ADHD — just like you! Register here!
View all upcoming events with Dr. Sharon Saline.
Read more blog posts:
- Raising Teens with ADHD: Redefining what ‘success’ means
- Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
- Responding to ADHD Doubters: Learn history and science that debunks 5 common ADHD myths
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How Do I Explain ADHD Without Shame? (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Tips for Helping ADHD Kids and Families Share Feelings (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- How to Deal with & Educate ADHD Doubters (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/shame/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Psychology Today: How to Find a Therapist for Your Teenager
Intrepid Ed News: Connect more, argue less: The 5C’s of ADHD parenting
Low Motivation and ADHD: Using 'GRIT' to tackle the essential tasks when you're just not interested
Handling tasks and obligations we don’t enjoy is a part of everyday life. There are always meals to cook, laundry to do and garbage to take out. Most of us need to push ourselves to do tedious chores. Those with ADHD find it especially difficult to get started and follow through on boring, unpleasant tasks. This can lead to frustration, discouragement and even shame. It can also appear as negativity or procrastination. My GRIT method can help adults and kids learn two essential life skills: how to get motivated and how to see the work through to completion. GRIT is a process by which you get yourself ready to do a task or a work project, stay with it, apply consistent effort and finish a part or all of it. Let’s take a closer look.
People with ADHD lack dopamine, not willpower
The perception that people with ADHD lack grit or willpower is simply not true. ADHD is not a lack of willpower, but rather a condition of being unable to harness the abilities that you have to motivate yourself on something that interests you, and then apply them to something that does not. Dopamine plays an important role here.
People with ADHD are deficient in dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter involved in the reward pathway of the brain that can fuel motivation and action. Young people with ADHD, who have also yet to develop strong internal motivation (which usually develops in early adulthood), have an especially tough time feeling any motivation to start or finish day-to-day or long-term tasks and projects.
Grit is the steadfastness and persistence you need to stick with something and complete it. The GRIT method will help you achieve results and enjoy that wonderful sense of accomplishment.
Building Motivation: The What and The Why
In order to build motivation when you have ADHD, it is important to identify what you want to accomplish and why, and set goals accordingly.
Ask yourself:
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- What do I want to achieve?
- Why is this goal important?
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Here are some examples:
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- I have to pay my bills by the end of the day to avoid late fees.
- I want to do the laundry so I can wear my favorite outfit to work.
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Similarly, children stand a better chance of finishing unpleasant tasks by setting goals for themselves rather than relying on external motivators:
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- Once I clean my room, I’ll be able to watch a movie.
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Understanding your goals will not only help motivate you but will make it easier to see the work through to completion. This is an especially important skill for kids and teens to practice as they learn to manage schoolwork and chores independently.
Set Realistic Expectations
Once you’ve identified your goals, create realistic expectations of your capability, available resources and time constraints. Make a plan for when, where and how you’ll get things done. Try breaking large tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
If it's unrealistic that you’ll wash, dry and fold a load of laundry on a weeknight, split up the work between two nights. Easy tasks can be done anywhere, but difficult tasks might require a quiet room or a stretch of time with minimal interruptions. Consider these constraints and plan accordingly.
Use GRIT to help manage your everyday tasks:
Get situated.
Think about your tasks, do a brain dump and assign numbers to the first 3 items. Then, write where and when you want to do them.
Break your first and second items down into smaller chunks. Finish these first two items before moving on to the next one.
Consider starting your own Personal Project Planner to help you visualize the steps and process of more lengthy or complicated projects.
Resist distraction.
Set reminders. Ask yourself, "How long can I do something before I get bored?” If it's 20 minutes, do your tasks in 20 minutes. Write yourself a note marking where you left off. Go on your break, set the time, go back to what you were doing. Don't try to do something for an hour if that’s an unrealistic expectation. It will end in criticism and negative self-talk. We're all about positive self-talk when building motivation with ADHD.
Implement incentives that matter.
Start with small steps and identify achievable goals. Put the “have-to” before the “want-to,” and use incentives. Watch your TV show after you do the dinner dishes. Meet your friend for coffee after you turn in your project. Use incentives that matter to kids and collaborate with them on setting up the agreement.
Take small steps, and positively talk yourself through the tasks.
Instead of saying to yourself, "Why can't I get more done? Why didn't I do this the way it should have been done?" say, "Look at what I was able to do!” Model positivity for your kids.
Try a “high and a low," or a "happy and a crappy” exercise at dinner to highlight the day's wins.
Consider writing down three good things or accomplishments each night before bed.
Low motivation is a common struggle for people with ADHD. But you CAN overcome it. Enable yourself with the right motivational tools and a positive can-do attitude. Make it a point to acknowledge each accomplishment, no matter how small.
Read more blog posts:
- Starting Tasks with ADHD: How to help kids and teens feel motivated to get the ball rolling!
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
- ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it
Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline’s YouTube Channel:
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- What's my motivation? ADHD & Motivation (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
22 News Mass Appeal: Helping kids make and keep friends
ADDitude Mag - You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion: How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism
YourTango: What You Can Do When Your Child's ADHD And Defiance Makes You Want To Yell - Reprinted
*A YourTango Experts Weekly Best!*
"ADHD and defiance can be a tricky combination. There are so many facets to kids with ADHD. Yes, they are creative, passionate, and smart. Yes, they can also be distractible, energetic, impulsive, intense, and strong-willed. And yes, going back to school amidst the surge of Covid-19 is making things that were previously challenging harder in many ways and adding new hurdles."
Read Dr. Saline's article on YourTango. Read the original blog post by Dr. Saline.