Dear Dr. Sharon: Testing Season & Tween/Teen Anxiety
Standardized testing ramps up in April, and Tweens and teens with ADHD often experience heightened anxiety, sleep disruption, and confidence dips during academic evaluation periods. this week, a reader wants to know How to Support her two Kids with adhd, Without Adding More Pressure AND STRESS.
READERS WRITE
Dear Dr. Sharon,
I’m a mom of two boys, 17 and 13, both with ADHD, and honestly, testing season is getting to all of us.
Between standardized tests and all of the regular quizzes and exams at school right now, it just feels like there’s always something hanging over their heads. My older son is dealing with more high-stakes tests (SAT’s and two AP’s), and, even though he acts like he doesn’t care, I can tell it’s getting to him. He’s more on edge, staying up too late, and putting things off.
My younger son is kind of the opposite: he’s clearly anxious. He wants to do well, but he gets overwhelmed really quickly, especially when it comes to studying. Sometimes he just shuts down or gets really upset if things don’t click.
I’m trying to be supportive but it’s like walking a tightrope. If I remind them to study or try to help them make a plan, I get a lot of blowback. But if I step back and watch them struggle, I worry that I’m not helping enough. I don’t want to add more pressure but I also don’t want them to fall behind.
How can I show them that I’m in their corner and offer support they’ll accept?
Sincerely,
— Barb, North Carolina
DR. SHARON SAYS…
Dear Barb —
You are not alone in what you’re seeing—or in how hard you want to work to get this right for your sons.
Testing season has a way of raising the temperature in a household. For teens with ADHD, that pressure often lands on systems that are already working overtime: attention, organization, emotional regulation, and self-confidence. By April, many students are preparing for exams while running on depleted reserves and fending off burnout too.
In my clinical work with adolescents and their families, I often see similar struggles to yours. One child pulls away, insisting they don’t care, while another becomes visibly anxious and overwhelmed. On the surface, those reactions look very different. Underneath, they are often driven by the same experience: a growing sense that the demands they face exceed their capacity.
Research supports what you’re noticing at home. Students with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience academic anxiety, particularly during evaluation periods. One study published in the Journal of Attention Disorders found that adolescents with ADHD report higher levels of test anxiety and lower academic self-concept compared to their peers. Another large review estimates that up to 50% of children and teens with ADHD also meet criteria for an anxiety disorder. When testing season intensifies expectations, that underlying vulnerability often becomes more visible.
So let’s start with a reframe that may help validate your experience as a parent - what you’re seeing is not a motivation problem; it’s a regulation issue related to living with ADHD.
Your older son’s “I don’t care” response is something I hear often. It can be frustrating, even confusing, because it sounds dismissive. In reality, it’s often protective. When the stakes feel high and confidence feels low, disengagement can serve as a buffer against disappointment. Kids (and adults) with ADHD often believe: “If I don’t try, then I can’t fail.” This mentality results directly in avoidance. If you add the executive function demands of planning, initiating and sustained concentration to the mix, then procrastination becomes even more likely.
Although your younger son’s anxiety is more visible, it comes from a similar place. He wants to do well, yet the process of getting started feels overwhelming. That “stuck” feeling you’re describing is a hallmark of executive function challenges when more effort is needed because skills are lacking. The result is a burdened teen brain that can't easily organize what to do, where to begin, and when to start. It’s normal for frustration to build quickly and for kids to explode at their parents.
Your well-intentioned supports such as reminders, check-ins and study plans can unintentionally add pressure. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong but perhaps your timing and delivery could be tweaked a bit. How you say things and and when you choose to speak up can matter a lot for neurodivergent kids. A study in Child Neuropsychology found that students with ADHD show significantly more difficulty with task initiation and planning, especially under stress. When we layer urgency onto those moments with comments like “Have you started yet?” or “You need to get going”, you may unintentionally increase cognitive overload rather than reduce it.
So how do you support both of your sons without tipping that balance?
Shift from outcome-focused conversations to process-focused support. Instead of centering on the test itself, focus on what makes the work more doable. This might look like sitting beside your younger son and helping him identify the first, simple step. Perhaps it’s as pared down as opening a notebook, reviewing one concept or setting a short timer. For your older son, it may mean lowering the barrier to engagement by reducing the scope: “What feels manageable to look at for 15 minutes tonight?” These are small adjustments, but they align with how the ADHD brain works. When tasks feel contained, they are more approachable. When they feel global, they often lead to shutdown.
Externalize structure in a way that feels collaborative rather than directive. I often encourage families to use what I call “shared planning moments.” This isn’t a lecture or a checklist. It’s a brief, neutral conversation where you and your child map out what the next block of time could look like. Not the whole week, not even the whole evening: just the next step. In my experience with neurodivergent teens and tweens, I’ve seen kids respond more positively when they feel some ownership in the homework process. It reduces the sense that things are being done to them and increases their willingness to engage. At the same time, it’s okay to hold realistic expectations. Accountability and support are not mutually exclusive—they work best together when the environment feels safe enough for your child to take risks.
Pay attention to how much sleep your sons are getting. Sleep is a time when the brain integrates all kinds of information from the day. You mentioned late nights, which is very common during periods of academic stress. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation and ADHD do not mix well. The CDC reports that adolescents who get insufficient sleep are more likely to experience difficulties with attention, mood regulation, and academic performance. During testing periods, protecting sleep often does more for performance than squeezing in extra study time late at night. You might approach this gently, not as imposing a new rule but as a shared observation: “I’m noticing how tired you’ve been. I wonder if we can experiment with a different rhythm this week and see if it helps things feel a little easier.” This small shift in language promotes curiosity, rather than resistance.
Address issues of low self-confidence with repeated validation of their efforts. Repeated experiences of struggle in environments that emphasize performance can shape how teens with ADHD see themselves. Over time, they may internalize the belief that they are “behind” or “not trying hard enough,” even when neither is true. They may also think that they are lazy or stupid. One study found that adolescents with ADHD tend to underestimate their academic abilities compared to objective measures particularly in high-pressure contexts. This gap between ability and self-perception is something we want to actively protect against. Widen the definition of success by noticing efforts, encouraging persistence and validating moments of genuine engagement. These positive observations accumulate over time and will assist your sons in building a more positive understanding of themselves.
Finally, I want to come back to you. Barb, I want to validate you for not just taking the time to observe your children and accept them but also for trying to adjust your approach to better meet them where they are. You are doing the important ‘work’ that a parent can do. There is no perfect way to navigate testing season (or other periods of school stress). With two teens who each have ADHD and need different kinds of support, you are juggling a lot. What matters most is that your sons experience you as being in their corner and it sounds like you are committed to conveying this message. Keep providing the love, consistency and authentic support that comes naturally to you and keep breathing when things heat up. Take the space you need to regroup and come back to them when you’re more centered and calm. You’ve got this!
Warmly,
Dr. Sharon
