ADDitude Webinar Replay - Perfectionism and ADHD: Making ‘Good Enough’ Work for You
Access the recording of the ADDitude webinar by Dr. Saline on 1/19/22:
"Perfectionism and ADHD: Making ‘Good Enough’ Work for You"
Get access to the webinar replay! "In this webinar, Dr. Sharon Saline will explain how to stop setting unreasonable standards, engaging in negative comparisons to others, and criticizing yourself for living with ADHD. You will learn how to understand and manage the root causes of perfectionism, examine the role of imposter syndrome, decrease negative self-talk, and increase your capacity for personal compassion. You will understand how to improve executive functioning skills related to procrastination and productivity, stop reflexive shame, and create techniques for managing stress. With these resources, you’ll begin to nurture the essential resilience of a growth mindset and accept yourself as you truly are — perfectly imperfect." In this free, hour-long webinar, you will learn to:
- Understand the relationship between anxiety, perfectionism, and ADHD
- Improve executive functioning skills related to procrastination and productivity
- Set realistic expectations based on previous successful experiences
- Develop techniques for addressing imposter syndrome, fear of failure, and shame
- Increase the capacity for mindful self-compassion and self-acceptance
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Dr. Saline's "What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew" was chosen Best for Parents.
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Read the article on MSN! Read the article featured on YourTango. Read the original blog post here. 
YourTango - 10 Ways Neurodiverse Folks Can Have Deep, Thoughtful & Easy Conversations With Anyone
Read the article featured on YourTango! Read the original blog post here. 
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ADDitude Mag - The Best of 2021: Must-Read Articles on ADHD
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(Mass Appeal) – When kids are home from school and it’s vacation, they often default to using their devices 24/7 and that is certainly not ideal. Today we welcome Clinical Psychologist Doctor Sharon Saline, with some practical ways to manage screen time for kids.
Psychology Today: How to Cope with ADHD and Perfectionism
Tools to turn down the noise of self-criticism and feel "good enough" every day.
"Do you set unrealistic goals for yourself, fret about disappointing others, and compare yourself negatively to those around you? If so, you are probably like many other people with ADHD who struggle with perfectionism. At times, you may want something to be right so much that it becomes difficult to start tasks, assignments, and projects, and complete them. In other moments, the desire to do something well motivates you to give your best efforts and helps you feel proud of your work." Read the full article by Dr. Saline!
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YourTango: 4 Common Misconceptions About ADHD That Everyone Needs To Forget (Weekly Best!)
*Now a YourTango Experts Weekly Best: Editor's Pick!*
ADHD Misconceptions: How to respond to 4 damaging false beliefs and assumptions about ADHD
As we continue to celebrate ADHD Awareness Month, I’d like to offer you support and suggestions for dealing with people who don’t understand what it’s like to live with ADHD or believe that it truly exists. Maybe it's your friend, boss, teacher, coach or a family member. ADHD misconceptions and myths negatively impact people with ADHD, and those who support them, every day. Here are some comments that folks just like you have shared about the biases, judgments and frustrations they encounter every day. We'll review why these are beliefs and assumptions are false and how you can respond to them with calm confidence.
4 Common ADHD Misconceptions:
1. ADHD is a lack of willpower.
- “I’m tired of hearing that I’m not trying, or I just make excuses.”
- “People think I don’t want help. What I don’t want is for someone to tell me to do something that makes no sense to my brain.”
- “People think we are just hyperactive, stupid or lazy. They don’t understand that we need a different way to understand concepts or approach tasks.”
One of the biggest ADHD misconceptions is that people with ADHD don't have willpower. But people with ADHD actually have a lot of willpower: You face each day and do the best you can while living with significant executive functioning challenges. You have determination: you try to apply yourself to a variety of tasks in a variety of situations. Lower levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain make it much more difficult to muster up the energy and concentration for things that seem uninteresting or unfulfilling and yet, kids and adults with ADHD figure out how to do this when they have access to appropriate supports. You (and/or your child) are a neurodivergent, outside-the-box thinker, which can be a great asset to any project, classroom, team or job. You are warriors.
How you can respond:
When someone talks about laziness or a lack of willpower, consider responding by saying: "ADHD is a biologically-based condition that affects executive functioning skills such as organization, time management and planning. I’m building those skills every day. If you’d like to learn more about ADHD, I’m happy to share some information with you." Remember that you are warriors, regardless of what others think.
2. Everybody has a little ADHD.
- “A little ADHD. Haha. That’s called distraction.”
- “People think if you are not hyper and wild, you don’t have ADHD.”
- “Don’t we all have ADHD because of computers and smartphones?"
There are different types of ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive, inattentive and combination) and different levels of symptomology (mild, moderate or severe). However, there is no such thing as “a little ADHD," and technology does not cause ADHD. Using technology and multitasking can exacerbate symptoms of inattention and impulsivity, but they don’t cause ADHD. ADHD is rooted in a person’s neurology. This is why “everybody has ADHD” is not a valid statement. What we have today is a distracted society, with kids and adults alike accustomed to being virtually connected at all times and expecting immediate responses to questions or problems. These statements minimize your experience as an adult with ADHD, or as a parent of someone with ADHD. It’s easy to feel hurt or angry when you hear them.
How you can respond:
While you might feel frustrated, try responding by saying: “While all people can feel distracted and preoccupied at times, that is very different from the biology of having ADHD.” Do not let their ignorance diminish your lived experience, and focus on your personal strengths.
3. ADHD means lower intelligence.
“The assumption is that you can’t be at the top of your class and have ADHD.” - “Kids with ADHD don't have the same abilities as kids without it.”
- “How do I convince my daughter she is not broken but needs help to teach her the skills she is just lacking in?”
Having ADHD doesn’t mean that your brain is broken or your intelligence is lower. There is more than one way to view intelligence. Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences suggests eight to nine different types, including visual-spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, naturalistic intelligence and more. The reality is that everyone has stronger areas of intelligence than others -- ADHD or not. But even if you're simply concerned about IQ, ADHD is not correlated with someone having a a higher or lower score.
People with ADHD struggle with attending to and remembering certain subjects that they're not interested in--more so than their peers. This is because their memory and attention works differently. What people with ADHD attend to, learn and remember is often determined by what elicits a stronger dopamine response.
This doesn't mean that they can't succeed in subjects that don't interest them, it's just much more difficult for them. However, people with ADHD can -- and often DO -- excel in subjects, and especially those that interest them! They can even hyperfocus on interests and activities that attract their attention (which can be, but is not always, a positive experience).
A person with ADHD might also have a lot of knowledge on a subject but struggle with the format of the "tests" that they're given. Many people with ADHD think, process and recall better in less distracting environments. Some think better when they can move around or fidget. They might need more testing time and/or the flexibility to express their knowledge in different ways. Thus, we can't effectively assess everyone's intelligence with a single testing system that wasn't designed for neurodiverse people.
It's a common and dangerous ADHD misconception to think low intelligence is linked to ADHD. It can harm confidence and self-esteem.
How you can respond:
So how do you respond to this hurtful ADHD misconception? Try saying: "ADHD doesn't correlate with higher or lower intelligence. There are many types of intelligence, and people with ADHD are often intelligent in areas that interest us compared to areas that don't because of how our attention is regulated. Though people with ADHD can struggle in school, it has much more to do with the accessibility and flexibility of the learning and testing systems than it does our intelligence." Though people might want to point out your challenges, I encourage you to reflect on, and focus on, your strengths and interests.
4. ADHD means less success.
“My partner thinks our teenager won't get into a good college because of his ADHD."- "I don't see the point of trying to sell my art, no one's going to want it anyways."
- "People think that those with ADHD will always be 'a little behind' their peers."
Growing up, it might have seemed like adults assessed how well we would "succeed in life" based on our school grades, athletic achievements, ability to make and keep friends, etc. Sometimes, it felt that our "success" as a teenager was going to determine the rest of our lives! Kids and teens can get the impression that they're destined for failure when they experience struggles in school. That is far from the truth! But, unfortunately, this belief can negatively impact their mood, self-esteem and motivation. 
Adults with ADHD still experience difficulties, such as executive functioning, emotional dysregulation and impulsivity challenges. But they can also have a greater understanding of their needs and strengths. They have more experience trying what works and what doesn't. Even though adulthood brings more challenges (it certainly does), there are also more opportunities for exploration, self-discovery, connections, joy and "success." It's hard to ignore the many societal influences we encounter everyday that promotes a limited idea of what "success" should look like, but it's important to reflect on what "success" means to you, personally. This way, you make choices that reflect your own goals. Focus on your strengths, interests and values. What would YOU like to accomplish because YOU want to accomplish it? If you have ADHD, you might notice your interests change more frequently than your peers. This might mean your idea of "success" is changing, too, and that's okay!
How you can respond:
If someone is questioning you or your child's ability to "succeed," consider saying something like this: "What it means to 'succeed' is often different from one person to the next. People with ADHD might need accommodations in certain school, work, social and community settings, but we can thrive academically, professionally, socially, creatively and in other various ways. We often live successful and fulfilling lives." Rather than believing people with ADHD don't have the means to "succeed," how can we focus more on helping people with ADHD access the support and accommodations they need so they have more opportunities to succeed? 
Read more blog posts:
- Celebrate ADHD Awareness Month by Accepting the Wonderful Uniqueness of Living with ADHD
- Responding to ADHD Doubters: Learn history and science that debunks 5 common ADHD myths
- Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Deal with & Educate ADHD Doubters (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- What the world gets wrong about ADHD - ADHD Awareness Month (ADDitude ADHD Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Tips to help your kids make a smooth transition back to school (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interview with Dr. Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Sources: Cherry, K. (2019, July 17). Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. Verywell Mind. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.verywellmind.com/gardners-theory-of-multiple-intelligences-2795161. Fletcher, J. (2019, July 11). ADHD and high IQ: What's the link? Medical News Today. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325715#are-there-any-links.
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Low Motivation and ADHD: Using 'GRIT' to tackle the essential tasks when you're just not interested
Handling tasks and obligations we don’t enjoy is a part of everyday life. There are always meals to cook, laundry to do and garbage to take out. Most of us need to push ourselves to do tedious chores. Those with ADHD find it especially difficult to get started and follow through on boring, unpleasant tasks. This can lead to frustration, discouragement and even shame. It can also appear as negativity or procrastination. My GRIT method can help adults and kids learn two essential life skills: how to get motivated and how to see the work through to completion. GRIT is a process by which you get yourself ready to do a task or a work project, stay with it, apply consistent effort and finish a part or all of it. Let’s take a closer look.
People with ADHD lack dopamine, not willpower
The perception that people with ADHD lack grit or willpower is simply not true. ADHD is not a lack of willpower, but rather a condition of being unable to harness the abilities that you have to motivate yourself on something that interests you, and then apply them to something that does not. Dopamine plays an important role here.
People with ADHD are deficient in dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter involved in the reward pathway of the brain that can fuel motivation and action. Young people with ADHD, who have also yet to develop strong internal motivation (which usually develops in early adulthood), have an especially tough time feeling any motivation to start or finish day-to-day or long-term tasks and projects.
Grit is the steadfastness and persistence you need to stick with something and complete it. The GRIT method will help you achieve results and enjoy that wonderful sense of accomplishment.
Building Motivation: The What and The Why
In order to build motivation when you have ADHD, it is important to identify what you want to accomplish and why, and set goals accordingly.
Ask yourself:
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- What do I want to achieve?
- Why is this goal important?
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Here are some examples:
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- I have to pay my bills by the end of the day to avoid late fees.
- I want to do the laundry so I can wear my favorite outfit to work.
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Similarly, children stand a better chance of finishing unpleasant tasks by setting goals for themselves rather than relying on external motivators:
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- Once I clean my room, I’ll be able to watch a movie.
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Understanding your goals will not only help motivate you but will make it easier to see the work through to completion. This is an especially important skill for kids and teens to practice as they learn to manage schoolwork and chores independently.
Set Realistic Expectations
Once you’ve identified your goals, create realistic expectations of your capability, available resources and time constraints. Make a plan for when, where and how you’ll get things done. Try breaking large tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
If it's unrealistic that you’ll wash, dry and fold a load of laundry on a weeknight, split up the work between two nights. Easy tasks can be done anywhere, but difficult tasks might require a quiet room or a stretch of time with minimal interruptions. Consider these constraints and plan accordingly.
Use GRIT to help manage your everyday tasks:
Get situated.
Think about your tasks, do a brain dump and assign numbers to the first 3 items. Then, write where and when you want to do them.
Break your first and second items down into smaller chunks. Finish these first two items before moving on to the next one.
Consider starting your own Personal Project Planner to help you visualize the steps and process of more lengthy or complicated projects.
Resist distraction.
Set reminders. Ask yourself, "How long can I do something before I get bored?” If it's 20 minutes, do your tasks in 20 minutes. Write yourself a note marking where you left off. Go on your break, set the time, go back to what you were doing. Don't try to do something for an hour if that’s an unrealistic expectation. It will end in criticism and negative self-talk. We're all about positive self-talk when building motivation with ADHD.
Implement incentives that matter.
Start with small steps and identify achievable goals. Put the “have-to” before the “want-to,” and use incentives. Watch your TV show after you do the dinner dishes. Meet your friend for coffee after you turn in your project. Use incentives that matter to kids and collaborate with them on setting up the agreement.
Take small steps, and positively talk yourself through the tasks.
Instead of saying to yourself, "Why can't I get more done? Why didn't I do this the way it should have been done?" say, "Look at what I was able to do!” Model positivity for your kids.
Try a “high and a low," or a "happy and a crappy” exercise at dinner to highlight the day's wins.
Consider writing down three good things or accomplishments each night before bed.
Low motivation is a common struggle for people with ADHD. But you CAN overcome it. Enable yourself with the right motivational tools and a positive can-do attitude. Make it a point to acknowledge each accomplishment, no matter how small.
Read more blog posts:
- Starting Tasks with ADHD: How to help kids and teens feel motivated to get the ball rolling!
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
- ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it
Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline’s YouTube Channel:
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- What's my motivation? ADHD & Motivation (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
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