(Mass Appeal) – Every kid will experience some type of bullying in their childhood. Today on Mass Appeal, we discuss what you should be aware of for warning signs and what you can do to stop and prevent it. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Sharon Saline, breaks down the important facts to know. Originally broadcasted here at wwlp.com. 
Totto Learning: Are you worried your child has ADHD? Here are the next steps.
Hear how Dr. Sharon Saline explains what the first few steps as a parent you can do if you are worried that your child has ADHD and learn best practices for better parenting. - Totto Learning. Watch the video: [embed]https://youtu.be/ADj4Dyu2Xcc[/embed] 
Totto Learning: Symptoms of ADHD in Children
Dr. Sharon Saline discuss symptoms of ADHD in children with Totto Learning. Watch the video: [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6bTAhfWkUI[/embed] 
22 News Mass Appeal: Know the bullying warning signs
(Mass Appeal) – Every kid will experience some type of bullying in their childhood. Today on Mass Appeal, we discuss what you should be aware of for warning signs and what you can do to stop and prevent it. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Sharon Saline, breaks down the important facts to know. Originally broadcasted here at wwlp.com. 
Planning and Prioritizing Practices for ADHD Brains: What's the plan, and when do you start?!
Does it ever seem like you have way too much to do, and every task looks equally important and daunting? Many kids and adults with ADHD struggle to figure out what the order of doing things should look like and how to get started. This contributes to the common experience of feeling overwhelmed. There often needs to be a crisis or something unpleasant will occur if you don’t do the task right now. Planning and prioritizing are executive functions that are closely related to organization, time management and initiation. However, these skills can be improved individually, and here are some practices to help get you started.
The Core Principles of Prioritizing
Before learning techniques to help you (and your kids) decide what to do, in which order and when to begin, let’s look at the fundamental principles of prioritizing: urgency and importance. Urgent tasks cause us to react immediately and stop whatever else we are doing to attend to them. Urgency reflects a time pressure or a deadline. Important tasks represent the significance we attribute to something. They also reflect our life values and guide us towards our purpose and goals.
How we prioritize things, and understand their relevance, depends on two connected factors:
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- The first revolves around when something needs to be accomplished and why it needs to be accomplished, based on what we know about it.
- The second factor involves emotion: our brain calls up any conscious or unconscious memories about this task (or something like it) from our lived experience. The feelings that go with these memories contribute to how we rate the significance of the task, its interest to us and its inherent rewards.
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When we are faced with prioritizing activities, these two factors work together to engage or bore us.
Urgent and Important: Learning the Eisenhower Matrix
The Eisenhower Matrix was developed my President Dwight D. Eisenhower to assist him in choosing which of the many tasks to focus on each day and make difficult decisions. This matrix can be very useful to folks living with ADHD as a tool to help them think about the ways that they prioritize certain items while putting others off.
Here is my adaptation of The Eisenhower Matrix:
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- Quadrant 1: Spending time in Q1 means living in crisis mode. Many kids and adults with ADHD live here or put things off until they wind up with emergencies. The intensity of urgency and importance helps motivate them to get things done, but they wind up with lots of stress.
- Quadrant 2: Time in Q2 feels like being in the flow; you are setting goals for yourself, making plans and following through.
- Quadrant 3: When you struggle with managing interruptions and setting boundaries, you probably spend time in Q3.
- Quadrant 4: Q4 is the home of distractions--everything you do to avoid the task at hand.
Spend time reflecting on the following questions:
- Where do you spend your time? - In which quadrant does your child or teen hang out? - How can you spend more time in Q2 and less time in Q1 and Q4?
To improve the ability to prioritize, we have to strengthen our capacity to determine time pressures (deadlines); schedule plans, work, homework, personal projects, chores and errands, and then reasonably estimate how long something will take and rely on a system of organization. Then, you’ll have to break tasks down into small enough, bite-sized chunks to get started on them. This typically means using the exact executive functioning skills that are naturally challenging for ADHD brains.
4 Steps To Approach Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD:
1. Do a brain dump:
Many folks with ADHD attempt to hold all of their to-do items in their head or write them on several pieces of paper which they then cannot find. Centralize this process. Pick one location for your lists: your phone, your computer or iPad or a notebook. Sit down and take two deep breaths: breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and breathe out for 6. Now, write down everything you can recall that you need to do. You probably won’t get everything in one sitting--that’s fine. You can come back and add things as necessary.
2. Assign time and importance values to your tasks:
Pick a time value (when is this due?) and an importance value (how critical or significant is this?) for each of these items in order to prioritize them. This is where most kids and adults with ADHD get stuck. Everything seems equally critical, unless there’s a real emergency that’s pressing. I’ve created this chart with some examples to help you create your own. You can also use Post-it notes to help you move things around and schedule them.
| TASK | DUE DATE | SIGNIFICANCE | PRIORITY NUMBER |
| Laundry | None | I have no clean socks | 2 |
| Work Report/History Project | Friday - in 2 days | Performance/50% grade | 1 |
| Making dentist appointment | Haven’t had a teeth cleaning in 2 years | Cavities, gum disease or other concerns | 3 |
To decide the priority number, ask yourself these questions:
- What will happen if I don’t do this? - What will happen if I do this? - Which task am I leaning towards avoiding?
The more you don’t want to do something, the more likely that it’s important to start. These answers are usually very personal. Some people might rank making the dental appointment over the socks and will wear a used pair again. For me, I prefer clean socks and I can make the dental appointment when I’ve started the laundry.
3. Make an accountability buddy, or be a body double:
It’s usually easier to determine your priorities when you have support. Having someone to discuss ideas with or talk through urgent and important issues can be extremely helpful to kids and adults with ADHD. Planning and prioritizing are executive functioning skills that really benefit from direct instruction, so having another person there to assist you is essential.
As adults, think about a friend or family member who can support you as you do the laundry, clean up the kitchen or break down the steps to approach your work report. With kids, you are that buddy.
Become a body double: sit with them while they pick up their clothes from the floor and fold the clean stuff. Or, review their brain dump and talk through how to choose where to start.
4. Be patient and persistent:
Planning and prioritizing on a regular basis takes practice and time. Expect to stumble and feel frustrated. This is a tough skill to learn and practice makes progress! Most people, with and without ADHD, struggle with this skill so be kind to yourself and compassionate with your kids as you embark on improving it.
Read more blog posts:
- Teens, ADHD and Procrastination
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
- Perfectionism and ADHD: Why 'good enough' is better than perfect
Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline's YouTube Channel:
- Initiating and Completing Tasks with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
YourTango: 3 Steps To Achieve Tone Of Voice Awareness In Neurodiverse Families So All Members Are Comfortable And Safe
"What is a tone of voice and how does it affect neurodiverse families Neurodiverse families often struggle with emotional reactivity and verbal impulse control. Negative feelings and unpleasant words can intensify in the blink of an eye. Still, when the moments arise, it's hard enough to calm down your own emotions — let alone, the emotions of your child, teen, or partner."
Click here to read Dr. Saline's article on YourTango. Click here to read the original blog post by Dr. Saline. 
YourTango: Back To School With ADHD And COVID Uncertainty (Again) - Reprinted
"Just when we thought we’d turned a corner in the COVID war, the virus is rearing its ugly head for another wave. As kids go back to school, uncertainty looms once again. The Delta variant is making all of us more nervous than we might already be. School districts are debating mask mandates and some have returned to remote learning. It’s worrisome for parents and students, many of whom assumed that in-person learning would finally go forward."
Click here to read Dr. Saline's article on YourTango. Click here to read the original blog post by Dr. Saline.
College Opensource - Female Students with ADHD: How IECs Can Help
Article by Eric Endlich, PhD and Sharon Saline, Psy.D. "Nia had been so excited to go to college. She’d been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in eighth grade and received accommodations such as extra time on tests, preferential classroom seating and getting copies of teachers’ notes. An executive functioning coach assisted her in using a calendar and organizing assignments. Nia worked hard, graduated with a 3.8 GPA and moved into her college dorm with high expectations. Sadly, six months later, she was back home. Depressed, anxious and on academic probation, she’d isolated herself, dropped one class and failed two..."
Healthline - The 10 Best Books for ADHD in 2021
"Whether you’re the parent of a child recently diagnosed with ADHD or an adult seeking new methods for managing ADHD symptoms, there is a wide variety of books for ADHD available to offer you some guidance. Before you can pick up the best book for ADHD that fits your situation, it’s important to understand what you’re looking for. Below, we’ve rounded up the best books for ADHD according to the type of advice and topic you may be looking for, whether that’s a book for managing your own ADHD or solutions for connecting with your ADHD teen."
Dr. Saline's "What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew" was chosen Best for Parents.
Return to School with ADHD and COVID Uncertainty (again)
Just when we thought we’d turned a corner in the COVID war, the virus is rearing its ugly head again. As kids go back to school, uncertainty looms once again. The Delta variant is making all of us more nervous than we might already be. School districts are debating mask mandates and some have returned to remote learning. It’s worrisome for parents and students--many of whom assumed that in-person learning would finally take place. When you consider the academic and social challenges for many kids with ADHD, it’s tough to know what to do to stay safe and create viable, rewarding learning experiences for your children and teens.
Transitions back to school are typically challenging for kids with ADHD, LD, ASD and twice-exceptionality. When these changes are marked by continued concerns about the health of being in classrooms and engaging in social interactions, neurodiverse kids, who already struggle with anxiety and emotional regulation, become more stressed, worried and reactive. As parents, when you are confused about what to do or what to believe, it’s harder to put aside your feelings and be patient with your kids’ numerous questions or concerns. In this time of insecurity and frustration, the best thing you can do is name and work through the struggles.
Check-in with your child or teen about their school concerns
Rather than let this anxiety bleed into all aspects of daily living, pick one time per day for up to 20 minutes to discuss what’s happening. Discuss fears, acknowledge the unknowns and reflect on how you’ve all survived the challenges of the past 18 months.
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- What are some resources you relied on?
- How did you come together as a family to support each other?
- What types of decisions did you make previously that could be helpful now?
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Let your kids ask questions and, if you don’t know the answer to their questions, tell them you will get back to them tomorrow with a response. When you assign a particular time to talk about a distressing subject, you contain it. This containment helps manage persistent anxiety.
Here are 5 tips for making back to school with ADHD during COVID go as smoothly as possible:
1. Create predictable, doable routines--together.
Planning ahead reduces the frustration and overwhelm of making transitions for kids with ADHD. There’s no way around this. Some type of daily structure helps kids organize themselves and decreases family conflict. Use a whiteboard, chalkboard or large calendar to collaborate on what’s expected of your child in the morning, after school and before bed.
Keep these action items limited to 3 things so they are not overwhelmed. Kids can check the schedule instead of asking you what’s next so they can move themselves through the tasks. This builds confidence and competence, so they experience success as they start their year.
2. Stay compassionate and consistent.
Transitions are tough for many kids, especially those with ADHD, LD or other mental health challenges. Give them time to practice going to bed and waking up earlier. Brainstorm new ideas for lunch, and listen to their concerns about going back to the classroom and seeing other kids. Offer them choices about their schedule so they have more buy-in.
Your goal is to notice their efforting and aim for steadiness rather than focus on perfection. If they are trying to regulate themselves or do their chores--more times than not--let them know you see their efforts.
3. Address social anxiety without solving it.
As much as you would like to wave your magic wand and make their worries go away, kids need to learn how to deal with their fears and manage them. This is how they develop resilience, and it’s something we’ve all done to get where we are today.
Talk with them about their concern. Be sure to listen, and reflect back what you hear. Try a role play, or brainstorm possible strategies, phrases or responses. Recall past situations when they were nervous about or confronted a friendship issue and identify what helped them get through that tough moment.
The goal is to apply tools from previous challenges where they ultimately succeeded to what they are currently facing. Normalize--don’t minimize--their anxiety, and explore issues related to rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
Most kids and teens, with or without ADHD, feel uncertain at the beginning of school. Saying, “That’s not such a big deal or you’ll be fine” actually doesn’t give them the tools they need. Instead, try, “Of course you are nervous. That’s natural after not seeing people this summer or when you start a new school or have a new teacher.” This validates their experience and simultaneously reduces any shame about their feelings.
4. Make sure specific supports are in place for your alternative learner.
School is often the toughest area of functioning for neurodiverse kids. Make sure all accommodations--any 504’s or IEP plans--are in place.
Plan for an appointment to speak with classroom teachers or guidance counselors before school, and ask if your child can visit their new classroom or school to familiarize themselves with the environment. This will also reduce some anxiety.
Be sure to discuss any social concerns and discuss how you, your student and the school can work together to make this year run smoothly and successfully. Include your student in this part of the meeting so they will have buy-in.
5. Establish a back-up plan.
With so many things in flux, change is inevitable, and pushback and upsets will occur. Rather than being surprised when these occur, take some time to set up some guidelines of how you are going to manage those tense moments in advance of them occurring.
Set aside specific time for a family meeting--when people are calm, fed and awake--for no more than 30 minutes. Brainstorm possible scenarios when things go awry (I suggest using Stop, Think, Act). Agree on responses and talk about consequences for lying, disrespectful language or inappropriate behaviors.
Let your kids take the lead first on what meaningful interventions would look like. It’s useful to hear what they have to say and incorporate it into any plan you create. When you collaborate with them, they’re more likely to participate cooperatively. Write down whatever you decide and, just as you did with the daily plan, post it in a common space.
Take care of your wellbeing as a parent, too.
Regardless of the stress you feel, you’ve got this! Breathe, go outside for a walk, run or bike ride and practice self-care. Engage the support of your friends and family. This is a time to up-level your self-care.
Remember, when you travel on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs parents to put on their oxygen masks first before putting masks on their children. If you are feeling out-of-control or emotionally reactive with the stress of this COVID and school uncertainty, speak to your primary care provider or find a counselor.
Read more blog posts:
- Managing Uncertainty With Your Family During COVID-19: More than deep breathing
- ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 Tips for Learning Success
- Returning to School with ADHD: Tips on helping anxious kids transition smoothly
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
- ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)
Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
ADDitude Mag: No Motivation? 5 Steps to Build Drive and Confidence
Teachers and parents can take advantage of these strategies for training focus, combatting procrastination, and prioritizing effectively to achieve the success that drives future motivation in their students with ADHD. Read the article here.
Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
Have you ever noticed that your child or teen with ADHD remembers negative comments people say to them more than they do positive ones? While all human brains are wired for the negative memory bias, or negativity bias, the minds of kids and youth with ADHD seem more vulnerable to holding onto what is "bad" more than what is "good." The combination of the negative memory bias and ADHD symptoms such as working memory challenges, emotional dysregulation and low self-esteem can make it even more challenging for people living with ADHD to balance out with positive memories. Let's dive more into the impacts of the negativity bias on people with ADHD, as well as helpful strategies you can use to help the children and youth in your life focus more on the positives.
The impacts of negative memory bias in children and youth with ADHD
This negative memory bias is strengthened for kids and youth with ADHD during childhood. It's common for family members, peers, teachers, coaches and other influential people in children's lives to criticize children and youth with ADHD. Oftentimes, people might intend to offer feedback, but kids still interpret the statements as criticisms. They're not remembering things, not doing things properly, keeping things messy, not controlling themselves, etc. These encounters are opportunities to focus on, remember and learn from as children with ADHD grow up. But focusing on the negatives can contribute to negative self-talk, as well as feelings associated with shame, anxiety and depression. 
In addition to the negative memory bias, many people with ADHD experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which involves having a heightened response - often physical, mental and emotional - to rejection, criticism, mistakes and other negative experiences. Putting more weight on these negative experiences over positive ones can impact behavior and decision making, such as people-pleasing, striving for perfection or avoiding situations that might have negative outcomes (even if those same experiences could also lead to positive outcomes). While our ancestors needed the ability to learn and remember lessons from tough experiences for survival, people today also need to learn how to retain lessons from good experiences. This is especially true for children and young people with ADHD. Beneficial experiences not only serve as the foundation of self-esteem, secure attachment and self-management, but they also nourish inner strengths. How can we help balance the weight of negative experiences with positive ones for children and youth with ADHD?
Working memory, the negative memory bias and ADHD
In order for the good moments to outmaneuver the negativity bias, they have to be installed in the brain's neural structures. This process requires holding the thought in the working memory long enough to be picked up by short-term memory structures and then transferred to the long-term memory. Of course, people with ADHD, by definition, typically struggle with working memory challenges. Therefore, this transfer doesn't occur as frequently as we would like, if at all. So the key issue here is "long enough." While there is no research to give us a specific time for this, "long enough" usually means holding a positive emotion, desire, action or outcome to actually feel it--to reflect on it and let it sink in. I would venture to guess this means up to a minute if not longer. How can you assist your ADHD child or teen to do this more successfully?
5 tips to help children and youth with ADHD focus on and remember the positives:
1. Teach and value the importance of celebration.
When something good happens, teach them that relishing it is important! In our ultra fast-paced world, everyone moves on to the next thing so quickly. Oftentimes, the important integration needed to consolidate memory can be missed. Therefore, negative experiences, strengthened by negative memory bias and ADHD symptoms, aren't being balanced with positive ones. SLOW IT DOWN, and celebrate positive moments alongside them. It's also important to show your child or teen that "celebration" doesn't have to mean a festive gathering with family and loved ones. Rather, it could mean treating yourself to an ice cream or dancing alone to your favorite song. Celebrations don't depend on other people showing up - you can celebrate yourself and your personal accomplishments in various ways that might change over time.
2. Ask questions about 'highs and lows' at dinnertime
Practice doing highs and lows of the day at dinner with the family. Encourage everyone to say something. Don't ask questions about the statements during the sharing. Instead, if you want to follow up on an issue, ask first. We are trying to create a safe place to hold both the positive and negative occurrences simultaneously; giving them equal weight. This process will create new, essential neural pathways. If daily highs and lows are too much for your family, then do them once a week at regular meal, like Friday dinners. Try to stay as consistent as possible to create the strongest impact on balancing out the negative memory bias.
3. Give genuine, positive feedback daily that is succinct.
Honestly, nothing is too small to be acknowledged. When you do this, make sure you get down to your child's physical level. If your ADHD teen is taller than you are, ask them to sit down so you are at the same level. Put a hand on their arm or shoulder, if that's comfortable. Maintain eye contact with them if you can, and be clear that they get it! 
As corny as it sounds, you could even ask them to repeat what they heard you say:
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- Parent: "Look I really want to make sure that you understood what I said. Can you please repeat it?"
- Child: "Do I have to?"
- Parent: "Yes."
- Child: "Fine, I heard you tell me that you appreciated that I hung up my coat when I got home." Or, "I heard you say that you liked when I got off my computer right after the timer went off."
These exchanges build the neural pathways we are seeking to create and increase inner strengths, balance out the impacts of negative memory bias and foster interpersonal connection. Kids and youth with ADHD often interpret feedback in any form as negative. Be aware of how you word and how they interpret your statement. Try the ADHD Adapted Sandwich Feedback Method to formulate more neutral and effective statements.
5. Explain the subjectivity of criticisms and negativity.
Kids with ADHD often endure frequent criticism, or perceived criticism, from influential people growing up. Your child or teen may be motivated to focus on these encounters so they learn not to remake "mistakes," "improve" their abilities and behavior, rebuild self-esteem, gain acceptance and avoid further criticism.
Children and teens might not yet understand, however, that that criticism can be unwarranted and ableist. In other words, people often make remarks that neglect to accept the differences that come naturally with neurodiversity. Children, instead, deeply value the opinions of - and need support from - their family, friends and community. Instead of questioning the validity of the statement, they tend to trust what they have to say. Review with your child or teen the importance of valuing each others differences. In addition, lead by example by outwardly expressing appreciation for their - and other people's - different strengths and overall differences. Explain how criticisms can be subjective, and why people might make inaccurate statements or remarks without thinking them through. This can be confusing, so remain approachable and check-in when moments are calm to see if they need support with understanding statements and situations.
5. Keep it up, regardless of any unwelcome response that you may receive.
Remember, the pull towards negativity and retaining bad experiences is longstanding and ingrained. Stopping your efforts to counteract it will likely increase its influence. Educating your teen on the impact of the negative memory bias and ADHD symptoms might help them stay motivated to focus on the positives, too. Though you might not see a difference right away, your values and recognition are making important, life-long impacts on your child or teen's thought processes, motivation and self-esteem. Start building the GOOD today!
Read more blog posts:
- Are You Giving Feedback or Criticism? Recognize the Difference and Change What You're Doing
- Raising teens with ADHD: Redefining what ‘success’ means
- 6 Helpful Tips for Dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Handouts, Webinars & More in Dr. Saline's Store:
https://drsharonsaline.com/product/shame/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
6 Helpful Tips for Dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
ADHD has a large group of companions that like to come along for the ride, whether that's anxiety and depression, learning disabilities, or autism. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), while not a formal diagnostic category, describes experiences that often occur with ADHD. People struggle with letting go of past hurts and/or rejection and struggle with heightened emotional sensitivity. They may hold onto unkind words or actions directed towards them for months or years. RSD can also reflect a personal belief that you have let someone down. Because many ADHD children and adults may already experience a feeling of otherness, they often already feel like they are at a disadvantage. We live in a society that teaches us to be people-pleasers. This makes it even harder to avoid sensitivities. Here are some great tips to help you work with rejection sensitivity and reduce its tumultuous effects, whether you need a little reassurance or you're helping a loved one who is struggling.
How to Manage Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
1. Combat rejection by reinforcing strengths
What everyone needs to remember is that simply having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria does not make you a human who is weak or incapable. You are just wired to feel things more intensely and replay unpleasant interpersonal interactions over and over. RSD is linked to social insecurity. A helpful tip is to consistently reinforce the strengths of your child or teen with ADHD. What do they love to do? What do they do well? Acknowledging their work, acknowledging their positive efforts and rewarding activities really helps them feel more confident. It can also help them see things from a new perspective and shift from negative self-talk about rejection. This can encourage them to approach future situations bravely as well.
2. QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally!
Many kids and adults with ADHD struggle to separate when a statement is directed specifically at them or when it's something more general. They take things personally that may not be personal. Assist your child or teen to pause before responding to a question or answer by saying, "That's a good question/comment. Let me think about it." Then, they can better assess what's being said. Remind them that other people can say thoughtless or hurtful things sometimes that are more about them than you. The rejection they perceive may not be purposeful.
3. Develop affirmations
Developing mantras or affirmations assists in reducing the noise of negative thoughts that can come with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Try positive phrases like:
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- "I am stronger than I think."
- "My mind is uniquely wired and creative."
- "I can make a mistake and be a good person."
- "I can take risks and see what happens."
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Sit down with your child or teen and brainstorm some things to say to the negative voice in their heads. Post them somewhere they can see and recall them when they need a boost. Maybe even make time in the morning or before bed when you both say your own affirmations. Starting your day with a positive thought can really help when feelings of doubt creep in. This is also a fun evening activity that can calm them before sleep.
4. Remember that all emotions are valid
As parents, we never want our kids to feel bad. It can be extremely difficult to watch them struggle with sensitivity issues or peer rejection. When someone struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, they have often lost hope in their social abilities, been unable to forgive themselves for what happened and feel shame about their experiences and their emotions. It is very important to remind them that every emotional experience is valid. Offer a listening ear to hear about what big feelings they may have. Be supportive without problem-solving.
5. Be prepared to handle outbursts
Anger is a notable side-effect in people diagnosed with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Many people internalize their emotional responses. This can be harmful, especially over extended periods of time. They may lash out as a result, or react in ways that are not as kind as you would like. If you are working with the sensitivities of a child or teenager with ADHD, it could be beneficial to have an action plan when experiencing a notable outburst. Use my Stop, Think, Act tools, pre-arranged 'time aparts' to cool down, or other relaxation techniques to cope with outbursts. There may be some benefit to having a room or area designated for your child to slow down and recover.
6. Emphasize family connection
As always, connecting with your family is important. Engaging in fun and memorable activities can really help reduce emotional sensitivities related to acceptance. This will allow your kids to rediscover and nurture the joy of being together, instead of perpetuating a sense of rejection and low self-worth. They can also practice their social skills in a safe place. Once in a while, invite a friend to join you. Surreptitiously check out your child's interactions and responses to what the other child is saying or doing. Then you can talk about these at a later during quiet time. Or, just use the information in monitoring dinner table conversation and behavior. Kids with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria really need to feel the consistent, loving presence of their parents as an antidote to the painful social experiences they may be having or perceiving. For those older teens and adults who may be experiencing symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and would like to gain more insight into what it could mean for you, check out this free online test offered by our friends at ADDitude. My ADHD Solution Deck is also a helpful to have on hand, helping you employ strategies that can help your ADHD child or teen in the moment as they face a social or emotional challenge related to RSD.
Read more blog posts:
- Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
- Raising teens with ADHD: Redefining what ‘success’ means
- Perfectionism and ADHD: Why ‘good enough’ is better than perfect
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- ADHD and Emotional Triggers
- How to End Your ADHD Teen's Compare & Despair
- ADHD and Self-Sabotage: How to Support Yourself with Love
Webinars, handouts & more in Dr. Saline's store:
https://drsharonsaline.com/product/live-adhd-webinar-beyond-high-school-graduation-how-to-help-neurodivergent-teens-prepare-for-their-next-chapter/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/shame/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Fresh Start Family Podcast: Working to Overcome Anxiety & Frustration in Kids Who Have ADHD, Autism, or Learning Disabilities
Families, are you overwhelmed with the challenges of raising a child with ADHD, autism, or learning disabilities? Or are you like so many families who are wondering if your child may be an alternative learner, but just aren’t sure? Even if you are just looking for some ways to connect with your child and restore some peace and balance to your home... This episode is just what you need to hear. Click the image below to listen to the episode.
ADDitude Mag: Q: Is ADHD or Anxiety to Blame for My Perfectionism?
“There is no perfection. If you think someone is perfect, then you’re comparing your insides to their outsides, which may look very different from what they experience internally. Real is better than perfect.” Click the logo below to read the article.
Additude Webinar Replay - Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender
"If every generation of youth finds a way to upend parents’ basic notions of the world, certainly gender is today’s arena for change. With children and teens increasingly declaring a gender different than their sex assigned at birth, and many teens responding to “they/them/their,” nothing short of a gender revolution is taking place. Parents are often left to play catch-up with their children and teens, who increasingly view gender as a spectrum, not a binary. As young people work to understand and define their gender, caring adults may struggle with how to respond appropriately, how to manage their own feelings and reactions, and how to give or find adequate support. For parents of kids living with ADHD, additional concerns about executive functioning challenges — like impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, planning, and focus — may further complicate the picture. It is important for parents, clinicians, and coaches to research how this generation of youth is reframing notions of gender and how neurodiversity intersects with this process. In this webinar, Julie Mencher, MSW, and Sharon Saline, PsyD, will discuss the fundamentals of understanding gender diversity and how ADHD affects the journey. You'll learn how to:
- Understand the process of the gender journey, for the young person and their family members
- Understand and use appropriate, thoughtful language
- Manage your own reactions to the changes in children, teens, and young adults
- Prepare for and engage in empathic, informed conversations about gender questioning and transitioning
- Explore how to read your child’s behavior in relation to gender exploration and ADHD struggles
- Watch for self-harming behaviors or other mental health concerns
Returning to School with ADHD: Tips on helping anxious kids transition smoothly
Back to school is normally a time of excitement with a splash of worry thrown in. But this year, with the shift from remote learning to in-person or hybrid instruction, it seems that there’s more worry with just a splash of excitement. For neurodiverse kids who found online learning more helpful in certain ways, this could be even less exciting. Returning to School with ADHD isn't easy. How can you assist your child or teen with ADHD reduce their back to school worries and make a smooth transition?
Start by discussing and accepting their feelings and your own worries.
Everybody feels uncertain and uncomfortable right now. Change, in the midst of COVID numbers rising again and the confusion about getting vaccinated, make us all feel insecure. How do we reintegrate as a society? Is it safe to gather? What advice do we follow? Following the CDC guidelines seems to differ among various people. You have to follow your own guidelines about what makes you feel safe while understanding that kids need to return to some degree of normalcy.
During the pandemic, we’ve been separated from so many aspects of our typical lives. As parents, you’ve been stressed thin with juggling work, school supervision and the regular demands of family life. In this strange, extended period, kids of all ages, whose social and emotional development highly depends on social interactions, have missed having close peer connections and struggled navigating the complexities of online relationships for more than a year.
Kids with ADHD who’ve been doing hybrid or remote learning have also been able to move around physically, follow impulses and refrain from practicing the emotional regulation that’s required of them in the school building. These adjustments will change once they are in classrooms.
Preparing anxious kids for the returning to school with ADHD not only relies on reviewing the various alterations to the school environment but also practicing necessary social skills, COVID hygiene and academic adjustments. Follow these steps to promote confidence, strategies and resilience in your student.
Tips to help anxious kids transition to returning to school with ADHD and confidence:
1. Manage your own concerns first.
Kids have incredible radar. They easily pick up when their parents are stressed or anxious and it increases their own distress, conscious or unconscious. The first step in decreasing the anxiety your child or teen is feeling is to lower your own.
Take a few minutes and discuss your concerns about returning to school with ADHD, anxiety and COVID concerns with your partner, a friend, extended family member or counselor. Write these down and then strategize responses or to-do action items to each one by creating an “Anxiety Decelerator Plan.”
This ADP will help you feel like you have some control. For instance, if your child needs more support than they received in the spring, one of your action items should be to contact the school adjustment or guidance counselor and set up a meeting.
2. Identify their worries.
We can’t assist kids in turning down the frequency or intensity of their anxiety unless we know what’s causing it. Worried thinking and environmental triggers set children and teens off and then they fall down the rabbit hole. We want to stop this tumble.
During your weekly or twice a week check-in meetings (these are a must), explore what might be uncomfortable or uncertain about in-person/hybrid learning. Write these down. Pick one fear together to address first and when its volume is lower, you can pick another. Remember, people can really only change one thing at a time.
3. Consider past success.
When kids are anxious, they experience amnesia about times in the past when they overcame obstacles. Talk about a situation ortwo from the past when there was a challenge that they dealt with successfully. What happened? What did they rely on inside of themselves to do this? Did anyone assist them? Write down their responses: they are critical pieces of your youngster’s resilience toolkit that they need for bouncing back from anxiety.
Link some of these tools to the worry that you both have agreed to work on. Cue them to use this tool and check in about how it’s going at your meetings. Brainstorm what you can do to assist them that works for both of you (especially for tweens and teens).
4. Avoid reassurance, and rely on acknowledgment instead.
Anxiety loves reassurance. But while reassurance brings about a short-term relief, it increases long-term anxiety because it doesn’t teach kids the skills they need to do this for themselves. What parents need to do is acknowledge the fear and validate their concerns.
Say something like, “Yes, of course you are worried about returning to school. It's a big adjustment. What did we do when we needed to make a change last year? How can we use those strategies for this transition?” Making these connections for kids fosters their capabilities for self-reassurance and resilience.
5. Create a new normal.
Nothing is the same, and even though we desire our old normal, it’s not here. Welcome and adapt to new rhythms instead of fighting them. Identify available resources that you have now and didn’t before: safe social interactions, outside exercise, educational tutors and better intervention. This shift in your focus will aid your kids with ADHD who naturally wrestle with flexibility pivot more successfully.
Read more blog posts:
- ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 Tips for Learning Success
- How to Transform Anxiety in Kids with ADHD to Excitement
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
- ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)
Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Recognizing ADHD in Boys and 4 Ways to Help Them Succeed
We know that ADHD affects both the person who has it and their family. Over six million children and adolescents in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD. While most ADHD profiles are not gender-specific, there are a few key differences between ADHD in girls and ADHD in boys when it comes to diagnosis and developing routines or treatment.
What is unique about ADHD in boys?
As you wash the dishes, you look out the back window and smile at your kids playing in the dirt. Your young son, Damon, is singing and running in circles with that contagious, boundless energy that makes you smile. Your daughter is writing with chalk on the patio while the sun sets. Later, the kids come inside screaming. It turns out Damon has been “annoying” his sister. He has been having issues sharing their outdoor toys and even damaged one. Your son has been having small, fiery outbursts at his sister. They don’t last very long and he is otherwise a well-behaved kid. While you explain to both of them why sharing is important, you notice his eyes look out the window, his foot starts tapping and then he bends down to playing with his shoelace. Because boys are more likely than girls to be hyperactive, ADHD in boys is often displayed earlier and often. The current ratio of boys to girls with ADHD is 3:1, with some studies suggesting 4:1. Noticing that your son is unusually energetic, impetuous or spacey can lead you down the path towards an accurate diagnosis. Hyperactivity, impulsive behavior, and inattention are all attributed to boys with ADHD. These are also common traits in younger children and preschoolers, who naturally experience difficulty paying attention and following directions. If your child is still in early developmental stages, keep an eye on these behaviors and seek out patterns if there is cause for concern. Regardless of how ADHD manifests itself in your son, there are ways to reduce symptom flare-ups and actively help him succeed. Here are a few tips to help encourage your growth together.
4 Ways to Support Your Neurodiverse Son during Childhood and Adolescence
1. Boot the stereotypes.
“Boys will be boys” though, right? Not so much, actually. Learned behavior and stereotype indicators can lend to biases, conscious or otherwise. Yes, historically, boys are more aggressive. ADHD in boys often shows up as more oppositional than their female counterparts. However, this isn’t the case for every male child or adolescent. All small children start out with open hearts and minds, and some mischief in their eyes. Believing boys are more aggressive or shrugging off any signs of aggressive behavior can both enable negative patterns and drive you further from diagnosing anything behavioral-related. Now is also a good time to address any biases you may have developed on your own over time. Books, peers, and outside sources can really help. But it's most helpful to make yourself fully aware of the lens through which you are viewing your child.
2. Meet them where they are at.
Aside from unconscious bias, it can often be difficult to approach a child with ADHD during a fallout or in the midst of chaos. It is important - especially in stressful spaces - that you choose mindfulness. Choosing mindfulness in every situation will improve your communication skills with everyone around you, especially a child who may be struggling. This begins with allowing your child space when they need to calm down. If you are mindful of their emotions at the moment, then they will be more open to responding instead of reacting. The ramifications of ADHD in boys can be excruciating. Even early on, they can be excluded because of increased aggression, or the aforementioned gender bias. They may thrive with attention and want to hold the spotlight a bit more than usual, resolving in aggression from other students and children. However, receiving negative feedback in these instances can be earth-shattering for your son, especially early on in development. Just imagining how this much critical feedback will probably increase your stress levels. Approaching them with compassion can do wonders for their self-esteem.
3. Teach effective coping strategies.
Boys with ADHD often struggle with managing their emotions and can misinterpret social situations or miss social cues. Because of this, they are more likely to resort to humor as a way to deflect their issue or cope with discomfort. Peers may find this annoying. And this is just one key example of acting out. As much as - or even more so than - girls, they need to be taught effective coping strategies for managing limited verbal impulse control and emotion dysregulation. 
One of the biggest things to keep in mind is that boys tend to experience fewer problems in an activity-oriented social world. In these spaces, common traits for ADHD in boys such as risk-taking and aggression can be viewed in a positive manner. Finding them a group hobby, like improvisational theater, a team sport or another extra-curricular will encourage social interaction and help with symptom management. Mindfulness is also a highly effective coping strategy for people with ADHD. Research has largely supported the fact that meditation for mindfulness can expand the brain’s capacity to hold attention. This is absolutely amazing, and something I think all parents can approach at a reasonable pace for both themselves and their children. Starting with just one minute a day of stillness or silence in gratitude is a great place to start. If your child requires a little more interaction with their senses, try playing a tranquil piece of music that calms them. Of course, like girls, they also benefit from direct instruction about organizing, planning, prioritizing, flexibility, and time management.
4. Set goals in line with their ideas.
Building awareness of themselves is key as boys in general mature more slowly than girls. Working together with that awareness can help to empower your ADHD son in navigating his every day. Ask questions that bring focus to how, when, and what more than why. Learning about their likes and dislikes together will help them not only to connect with you but for you to better identify triggers and their ideas of success. Here's an easy, useful activity for self-discovery. In a quiet moment, explore these questions with your son:
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- What type of learner am I?
- What am I good at, and how am I good at it?
- Which tasks are most challenging for me?
- When am I able to focus best?
These questions will help them to start verbalizing their thoughts and examine themselves--building the foundation for the all-important executive functioning skill of self-evaluation. For school-aged children, the following additional questions are often key to identifying study patterns and habits. They can help you set concrete, achievable goals that will not overwhelm your child. (Or you!)
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- What helps me pay attention in class?
- What distracts me during homework or other activities?
- When am I planning to do X and how can we assess the time needed for that?
As always, there are many ways to help your son live with more satisfaction and self-confidence. Check out my 5 C’s of ADHD Parenting for more.
Learn more:
CHADD Webinar | Navigating College with ADHD: Preparing for Success!
Are you a current or future college student who isn’t sure how to make a strong transition to higher education? In this webinar, Dr. Sharon Saline, veteran psychologist and author of “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life” and “The ADHD Solution Card Deck” will help you figure out how to get what you need to set yourself up for success at college. She’ll show you how to discuss accommodations with professors, use the resources of the student services office and overcome anxiety about these conversations. You’ll leave with practical tools to manage your time, stay organized and keep motivated academically, personally and socially. Click the logo below to watch the video.
The Truth about ADHD in Girls, and 5 Ways You Can Help
Raquel is a bright, creative girl who likes singing, dancing around the house and riding her bike. She is an eighth grade girl with ADHD and mild dyslexia and receives support services at school through her IEP. She can be articulate, warm and funny. Raquel also has also developed a nice group of friends over the past year. Shana can be easily distracted and inflexible about routines. Her room is very disorganized and meals are difficult since she’s particular about her food and doesn’t like to hear other people chew. Bedtime and morning routines often deteriorate into yelling matches if she’s not getting what she wants immediately. In addition, she procrastinates about cleaning her room for months at a time. Life at home with her parents and two older siblings is marked by tension, arguments and disappointment, which nobody likes. For parents of girls with ADHD, can you relate?
Symptoms of ADHD in girls
Although the basic diagnostic criteria for ADHD are the same for all genders, ADHD often looks different for females than it does for males. While you may see signs of physical and verbal impulsivity and hyperactivity in your daughter, you are just as likely to see silliness or spaciness, shyness, daydreaming, perfectionism, anxiety, forgetfulness, emotional dysregulation, trouble making and keeping friends and picking at themselves.
These signs can be overlooked in favor of boys who demonstrate more externalizing symptoms of ADHD and draw more attention from the teacher in class. For every girl who is diagnosed with ADHD, there are three boys with the condition.
How the presentation of ADHD in girls impacts a diagnosis
Girls with ADHD are diagnosed on average up to five years later than boys. Boys are diagnosed more often with hyperactivity/impulsivity, usually exhibiting inappropriate, aggressive or impulsive behaviors. Girls tend to have the inattentive type of ADHD, with more internal traits. This explains why we miss diagnosing ADHD in girls so much of the time. Both boys and girls with ADHD have brains that mature more slowly than neurotypical kids, with a lag of to three years. Higher rates of anxiety and depression often accompany ADHD in girls or may well overshadow or mask it altogether.
Unique challenges for girls with ADHD
While girls with ADHD can pay attention and focus well on things that interest or come easily to them, it’s their difficulties with uninteresting, unpleasant tasks where their ADHD brains struggle. Some deficits may be more obvious than others. Kendra gets to school on time but can’t keep your bedroom organized or meet deadlines for assignment. Zara gets her work done but is distracted so easily that it takes her twice as long as it should.
To make things more difficult, many girls with ADHD or LD will deny their executive functioning challenges and academic issues due to embarrassment or low self-worth.
Ashamed of their difficulties and overwhelmed by frustration or fear about possible negative outcomes, some girls with ADHD will do anything to avoid disappointing friends and family, including themselves. Their challenges with verbal expression, auditory processing or verbal control make it harder for them socially. Girls are often conditioned to believe that they define themselves through their relationships. So when girls with ADHD misread cues or don’t hear what someone is saying because they are distracted or struggle to express themselves, they have a much harder time relating to their peers with the expected verbal connections.
Many girls will suffer silently rather than appear different from friends. Teachers and parents may miss seeing the ADHD that really exists as girls try to fly under the radar. Addressing this shame is a key feature of any therapeutic work for girls with ADHD. Of course, everybody with ADHD has serious executive functioning challenges, but all neurodivergent people have personal strengths.
Here are some ways that you can support girls with ADHD in your life:
1. Manage your own reactivity:
When you are triggered by your daughter, it’s really difficult to show up as the parent you want to be. Figure out the internal signals that you are being set off and create a plan to calm yourself down.
Take a timed break from each other, go to the bathroom or step outside. Your emotional response will simply activate her even further.
In a calm moment, discuss what’s okay to say and do when she’s upset and what isn’t. Ask her to think of a logical consequence for cursing you out or a way that she can make amends for leaving a sink full of dirty dishes.
2. Set up weekly meetings:
To avoid nagging and arguments, sit down together once or twice a week. Assist them to organize their daily and weekly schedules and set up doable routines. Work with their desire for mastery and independence. Offer girls choices and incorporate their ideas for any programs you create. This will increase their buy-in.
3. Determine their executive functioning age:
Kids develop in uneven ways. They are stronger in some areas than others and this patterned development is especially true for both boys and girls with ADHD. If your daughter is 12, she may act 12 in her self-care (hygiene and ability to take care of the cat). But she may be more like a nine year-old in her organizational, planning and focus skills. Talk with her about her strengths and challenges and pick one skill to improve.
4. Make a study plan:
Figure out together where, when and how homework or hybrid school will occur.
If your daughter gets easily overwhelmed or distracted, help her (or ask the school to) break assignments down into smaller, manageable parts.
Teach her about time: what it feels like and how to work within its limits. This doesn’t come naturally to many kids with ADHD.
5. Offer empathy for their struggles:
Overcoming shame and learning how to advocate for herself are the best things you can teach your daughter to do. Perhaps you’ve had to learn these skills, too. What negative things does she say to herself? How can the two of you reframe these criticisms into something more positive? What tools does she need to talk honestly and non-judgmentally about her executive functioning challenges so she can get the accommodations and support she needs?
Recall times she’s faced her fears or her embarrassment before, and write down these moments of resilience. Hang it up in her room so she can look at the list. It's too easy to forget the wins!
Read more blog posts:
- Moms with ADHD: Nurturing your power of authenticity
- Recognizing ADHD in Boys and 4 Ways to Help Them Succeed
- Gender, Sexuality and ADHD: Parenting Children and Youth with ADHD Exploring Their Gender and Sexual Identity
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How Do I Support My Daughter with ADHD? (ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Moms with ADHD: Why YOU Are the Best Mother for Your Child (ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- How to Deal with & Educate ADHD Doubters (ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Narbis: The COVID-19 Pandemic and the Uptick in ADHD Diagnoses
“Students who lack adequate academic support for learning difficulties and are impulsive or inattentive have been falling behind, lacking motivation or giving up,” says Sharon Saline, Psy. D., a licensed clinical psychologist and an expert in ADHD based in Northampton, Mass. “Parents, untrained in special education, don’t have the training or skills to support their alternative learners adequately.” Click the logo below to read more.
