After 18 months of dealing with the stress of indoor COVID living, 
In preparation for your neurodiverse family outing excursion, make a list and write 
Summer is here! How are your kids and teens with ADHD spending the extra free time? On the one hand, kids and teens have more time to turn to video games and connecting with friends on social media. On the other, they have more time and space to move around now that they aren't required to sit and learn so much. This is a much needed break for kids and teens with ADHD who often self-regulate with movement. But with less structure and help with supervision, parents often have trouble keeping up with the entertainment, energy, and emotions of kids all day, every day. Many parents then turn to screens to help kids take the edge off of an otherwise hectic time. So it's not whether screens are part of summer vacation, but how they are. So how can you help your family better regulate summer screen time?
Social media has the potential to help kids and teens with ADHD expand their social groups and foster stronger connections. They can become part of supportive communities that help them learn to express themselves and develop a stronger sense of self and identity. After years of feeling behind in certain areas compared to their peers, finding ways to improve their self-esteem and sense of belonging makes a big impact on kids and teens with ADHD. Access to the internet, with its vast amount of information, also encourages learning. It can nurture the interests of kids and teens with ADHD. If a child doesn't have access to a yo-yo teacher in their neighborhood, they can learn the basics and some fun tricks on YouTube. Importantly, they can also learn at their own pace. Sometimes kids with ADHD fall behind with certain styles of learning used in school, so having the opportunity to experience how they learn best encourages them to self-advocate for accommodations that might help them succeed now and in the future.
If you need to, consider shutting down the internet or turning off phones to discourage late-night usage. Some families choose to have a phone basket or cubby to put everyone's devices in. Doing this an hour or two before bed will help everyone fall asleep faster. Many families choose not to keep television sets or computers in bedrooms to help discourage any over-usage. This should help to improve your child's sleeping patterns, which often aggravate any cognitive or energy issues they may be having.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently reported that children and teenagers spend an average of six to nine hours per day on screens. Bringing this number down is a lot easier in the summer with so many other activities and crafts to try and things to get into. Everyone should really be getting a much-needed break during this season. Follow my 
Encourage your children (and yourself, if you can) to be outside, screen-free, for at least an hour on the days that it is nice outside. And really, if you're dressed appropriately, even rainy days can be fun to play in! Just be sure to check for upcoming storms and that the air quality is reasonable, especially with the unexpected weather we've been having and the increasing natural disasters happening around the world. Also, join your kids for family walks, bike rides, or other explorations. There is no denying that screens play a pivotal role in growth and development in this day and age. After a long year of 
We all know that it’s more satisfying to accomplish what we set out to do than to leave things unfinished. Most 
Find some time to remember what you like about one another. Take turn
Dinnertime can be a wonderful opportunity to catch up with your family, learn what's going on in each other's lives and share the delightful experience of a tasty meal. It has the potential to be an enjoyable break in your day where you can check-in with your family (and yourself) and connect with each other. However, if that doesn't sound like your experience, you're not alone. Dinnertime for families living with ADHD can look quite different. Your child or teen face unique challenges that make it difficult for them to calmly transition to the table and be ready to eat what's served. I'll discuss some of these challenges as well as how to help everyone feel more prepared and excited to enjoy a meal with one another.
Ideally, family members come together around the table in a friendly, happy mood. However, that can be a lot to expect at dinnertime for your ADHD family. Expecting kids to reign in emotions from the events of their day or even their last activity might be too much to ask. If they're overwhelmed with having to stop what they were doing to eat at what they think is an inconvenient time, they'll probably bring this upset to the table. They might also have had a difficult day and aren't up for cheerfully sitting around you to eat dinner. Displeasure about the food or anxiety about the noise or conversation could also contribute to a foul mood. Chat with your child or teen about how to join the family and participate in the meal with more equanimity. Learning how to do this takes time and practice. 
Eating their preferred foods consistently might not offer them the best nutrition. But the stress of needing to swallow foods you don't like--while also in an upset mood or heated emotional environment--isn't good for the body, either. Having a familiar, fulfilling meal can help them get the sustenance and energy they need without needing to add more stress to an already stressful day. Ask them questions about the foods they like. Is it the flavor, the texture, the fact they can hold it in their hands? This will help you better grasp their eating needs as well as gain understanding about their experiences. Kids with ADHD want to be understood more than judged. Taking the time to inquire about their perceptive is meaningful to them and helpful to you.
If you're concerned about your kid's limited food preferences, try working with them slowly over time on expanding their food preferences. Forcing them to eat a meal that you might love, but they don't, will only lead to an unpleasant experience for your family. See if you can find a new food once in a while that might be a healthier version of their favorite foods, but still meet their preferences. If your child loves french fries, try an often healthier alternative - sweet potato fries. Then, gradually move on to other similar foods. When they're trying new foods, don't set your expectations too high. You might think you have all the information and that you definitely got it right this time. The bottom line is--it's still up to them to decide, and it still might not work. Prepare yourself for this scenario so you don't give a strong reaction in the moment. The goal isn't to shame your child or teen into eating. Showing support and acknowledge for their courage in taking a risk will help them feel more comfortable with trying new foods in the future.
Instead, knock on their door or calmly approach them (while respecting their privacy and physical boundaries) and let them know that dinner will be ready in 15 or 10 minutes and then with a 5 minute warning. Ask them to acknowledge the reminder using the 
Weekly family meetings are a perfect time to discuss ideas for upcoming meals. Collaborating on meals takes pressure off of planning and shopping for meals on your own. It also leads to a happier outcome for all and teaches essential living skills. If you're looking for new ideas or inspiration, try looking on Pinterest from saved or new recipes, or dusting off those cook books to pass around. Encourage your kids to notice what they crave throughout the week, too. They can write them down or text them to you. Then, talk about this during your weekly family meeting.
If there's time and interest, involve your child or teen with the process of prepping, cooking and serving the meals. This is a great way to get them in the ready-to-eat mindset and teach them how to cook. Their body and mind are excited to eat thanks to the food's aroma and occasional taste. They're also looking forward to relaxing at the table after some physical work. They're ready to jump in as soon as it's ready! Making and serving food is also a time to get creative-- a common strength for people with ADHD! Whether it's trying a different ingredient, cooking it differently, serving it on the dish in a fun design or setting up the table with a new aesthetic, it can help your kid get engaged and lead to a fun, enjoyable meal with your family.
Have you ever noticed that your child or teen with ADHD remembers negative comments people say to them more than they do positive ones? While all human brains are wired for the negative memory bias, or 
In addition to the negative memory bias, many people with ADHD experience 
When something good happens, teach them that relishing it is important! In our ultra fast-paced world, everyone moves on to the next thing so quickly. Oftentimes, the important integration needed to consolidate memory can be missed. Therefore, negative experiences, strengthened by negative memory bias and ADHD symptoms, aren't being balanced with positive ones. SLOW IT DOWN, and celebrate positive moments alongside them. It's also important to show your child or teen that "celebration" doesn't have to mean a festive gathering with family and loved ones. Rather, it could mean treating yourself to an ice cream or dancing alone to your favorite song. Celebrations don't depend on other people showing up - you can celebrate yourself and your personal accomplishments in various ways that might change over time.
As corny as it sounds, you could even ask them to repeat what they heard you say:
As a parent of a neurodivergent child with ADHD, you might struggle with understanding symptoms of ADHD and negativity. It seems like you're constantly catching your child or teen with a negative attitude. It's 'No' to this and 'No' to that! You might wonder if this is normal during childhood and adolescence or more so for kids with ADHD. Let's explore these 'No's' and see whether they're simply an expression of negativity or something more.
Jared and his family's summer schedule frustration
Recently, I was talking with Jared, an eighth grade boy who was complaining about being bored now that school is over to his mom, Savannah and me. “There’s nothing to do except gaming, and you only let me do that for two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon. What else am I supposed to do?”
His mom gently suggested going back to some activities that had previously interested him before COVID—piano lessons, basketball, tennis or making movies with his friends. "No, no, no. I don't want to do any of those!” His mom turned to me and said, “I used to do this to my mom. There’s never a right answer.”
I wondered aloud if his ‘No's’ actually meant, ‘Forget about it,’ or, ‘I’m not sure and need to think about it.’ Tennis and making movies were hard ‘No’s.’ Piano and basketball were more of an, ‘I’ll think about it.” I asked him why he doesn’t just say that and he shrugged, “I don’t know...I just can’t think about all that stuff at once."
We talked about how saying ‘No’ flat out like that gives him space to think about something without any pressure. The 'No' seemed to be less of a problem with ADHD and negativity, and more of a request for space to think. The gears in my mind immediately started turning.
The impact of ADHD on negativity
Due to working memory and processing speed challenges, kids with ADHD and negativity challenges are often feeling overwhelmed—emotionally, cognitively or socially. They simply lack adequate amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine in their brains to help them process and recall information efficiently. Over time, becomes hard to keep up with all of the activity around them.
These are mostly unconscious cognitive processes that kids struggle to articulate. Instead, what most kids tell me is that they simply feel flooded and agitated. They lash out and regret their words and actions afterwards. They might also be coping with anxiety or symptoms of rejection sensitive dysphoria. These challenges that commonly occur with ADHD can appear as negativity.
Negativity in public vs. at home
Kids and teens with ADHD try to muddle through and manage these feelings at school and with friends. However, they don’t feel obligated to make the same efforts at home.
Jared once told me, “I’m not going to be suspended from my family." They don’t have to hold it all together with people they know love them, and whom they love too (despite any actions to the contrary). But this doesn't mean you have to endure inappropriate language, fury and sometimes aggressive behaviors. This doesn't foster a positive connection between you, nor does it teach your child or teen how to manage their intense feelings effectively.
Check in with your child or teen about 'NO.'
In a calm moment, sit down with your child and talk about ‘NO.’ Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat, take out your curiosity and gather some information about your child's challenges with ADHD and the negativity that you experience.
Reasons and meanings behind 'NO' often depend on the situation, so it might help to bring up some specific instances for an effective discussion. Is saying ‘NO’ about setting appropriate limits, expressing their opinion, being contrary, slowing things down or something else? Maybe it’s a combination of things. Brainstorm alternatives to ‘NO,' and come up with a few words or phrases to use when they need time to think about something.
Create a plan with your child or teen on how to address oppositional behavior
To address ADHD, negativity and flat-out oppositional behavior, you have to create a collaborative action plan.
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- Start by discussing some plans and ground rules about explosions or meltdowns in your home.
- Ask your ADHD child or teen to describe what words or actions constitute over-the-top moments, and then offer some of your observations. To avoid blame, use the phrase,"I've noticed that things get out-of-control when..." and be as specific as you can.
- Consider sharing something about what triggers you and how you'd like to change your response. This normalizes their experience which reduces shame about struggling with meltdowns in the first place.
- Together, write down a list of your combined ideas and ask them to link these behaviors to logical consequences. Remember, punishments for kids don't teach any skills. Kids with ADHD and feelings of negativity need tools to help them calm themselves and communicate in these tricky moments.
- Plan to revisit your plan weekly and post it in the kitchen where everybody can see it.
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Acknowledge your ADHD child or teen's efforts to improve communication
Shifting away negativity takes time, repetition and encouragement. It involves identifying emotions and needs, and then communicating them effectively. Therefore, it's important to allow your child the chance to process and respond at their own pace. It's a cycle of practice, stumble, try again and practice some more. Regardless of your own frustration, try to acknowledge and validate any and all efforts your child or teen shows.
Managing ADHD and negativity is tough parenting work. Make sure that you practice your own self-care and have support for yourself from close friends, family members, a therapist or coach to assist you. The more you can respond instead of react and regret, the better it will be for everyone in the family.
Read more blog posts:
- ADHD, Defiance and COVID: What can you do instead of yelling?
- ADHD and Anger in the Family: Manage Outbursts with STOP-THINK-ACT
- Create Successful Neurodiverse Family Outings Today: Time to connect with the great outdoors!
Watch on YouTube:
- ADHD and Oppositional Defiance (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Anger Management with ADHD (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- How to Get Your Teens to Open Up (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/whats-up-with-all-this-anger/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
As a father with ADHD, you know firsthand what your neurodivergent child or teen lives with every day. Because boys are more likely than girls to be hyperactive or impulsive, 
Having a parental figure who can zoom in and pay full attention on an activity is very useful for kids with and without ADHD. Dads who narrow their focus on doing something with their children can make them feel like they are the most important person in the world. This intense concentration facilitates meeting kids where they are, engaging in active listening, and working through small difficulties with precision. When you are hyperfocused, your ability to be an ally and your curiosity about your child opens doors to conversation and comforting support. Figure out some activities that you both enjoy, put down your phone and shine your spotlight of attention on your son or daughter.
Men who have ADHD are learning to cope with their differences through structure, education, and a whole lot of patience. Dads with ADHD are doing this while raising kids who may share similar strengths and challenges. Hopefully, as an adult, you've reached a point where you value your uniquely wired brain and learned to live with it with compassion and pride. Watching their fathers learn to accept and appreciate their quirks in a healthy way can truly help children to develop more positive thoughts around what makes them different and special.
When parents develop healthy coping mechanisms for the many challenges that life brings forth, they demonstrate how to engage in self-care. They also show how routines and relationships can bring meaning and satisfaction to life. Children, always watching and listening, will learn these tools and values from early on through adulthood. Parents with ADHD have a unique opportunity to lead by example 
Talking through everything with your child can be incredibly emotional for both of you. Therefore, it isn't something that should be taken lightly. In neurodiverse children--those with ADHD, ASD, 2E, anxiety and more, natural challenges with executive functioning skills can make these conversations even more overwhelming. Above all, breathe, and stay compassionate. Ask more questions than you give advice. This is a private process of discovery that your child has decided to share with you. It can be tough for both of you but in very different ways. Therefore, you should save your reactions and questions for later. Then, direct them to your primary care provider, pediatrician or mental health professional. Your job is to be steady as they navigate this bumpy terrain.
When your child approaches you with a conversation about their gender or sexual orientation, consider your response before reacting. They are asking you to perceive them differently than you might have before. This can be very difficult to deal with emotionally. No matter how much support and love you give, teens with ADHD quickly pick up on facial expressions and body language that could feel critical. Many kids and teens with ADHD suffer from symptoms of 
A Covid-vaccinated summer is finally here! What a beautiful season, especially for families who can spend a little more time together without all of the classes, extracurricular activities, and other school year obligations. It’s a time of year that people get to feel relaxed and have a little less structure than a school year allows. Yet, routines are still key when raising a child with ADHD, no matter what the season or the stage of development they are in. So what does a balanced summer look like? 
To re-stabilize, you have to stop this flood by slowing down your breathing, heart rate and blood pressure and power up the thinking brain.
What everyone needs to remember is that simply having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria does not make you a human who is weak or incapable. You are just wired to feel things more intensely and replay unpleasant interpersonal interactions over and over. RSD is linked to social insecurity. A helpful tip is to consistently reinforce the strengths of your child or teen with ADHD. What do they love to do? What do they do well? Acknowledging their work, 
Parents are jugglers. Education, events, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, sports, chores, work--at any given time we've got several balls in the air. On top of managing all of this, women have to deal with the additional issue of cultural standards of motherhood that lead us to comparing ourselves to some idealized version of what being a mother should be. We all do this, and it's harmful to our self-esteem and self-confidence. For moms with ADHD, 
Post-pandemic, your safety net may also expand to include your vaccination card, immune boosters, a thermometer, or oximeter. Be sure your children and teens with ADHD have extra masks and hand sanitizer as they will likely lose things along the way. These items will help you feel more comfortable with this shift.
Once you are able to 
Often, n
Actively teach your children that we all have strengths and challenges. The goal is creating as level a playing field as possible within the family unit so kids can be both "good" and "bad." In fact, we all have executive functioning skills that run smoothly and need tweaking. Name what they are for each person, and discuss an approach where each person can work on improving one issue. Emphasize this so your child with ADHD doesn't feel stuck as the person who needs all of the help in the family. 
When kids are anxious, 
When you are triggered by your daughter, it’s really difficult to show up as the parent you want to be. Figure out the internal signals that you are being set off and 
Figure out together where, when and how homework or hybrid school will occur.