Totto Learning: Symptoms of ADHD in Children

Dr. Sharon Saline discuss symptoms of ADHD in children with Totto Learning. Watch the video: [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6bTAhfWkUI[/embed]  

Planning and Prioritizing Practices for ADHD Brains: What's the plan, and when do you start?!

Does it ever seem like you have way too much to do, and every task looks equally important and daunting? Many kids and adults with ADHD struggle to figure out what the order of doing things should look like and how to get started. This contributes to the common experience of feeling overwhelmed. There often needs to be a crisis or something unpleasant will occur if you don’t do the task right now. Planning and prioritizing are executive functions that are closely related to organization, time management and initiation. However, these skills can be improved individually, and here are some practices to help get you started.  

The Core Principles of Prioritizing

Before learning techniques to help you (and your kids) decide what to do, in which order and when to begin, let’s look at the fundamental principles of prioritizing: urgency and importance. Urgent tasks cause us to react immediately and stop whatever else we are doing to attend to them. Urgency reflects a time pressure or a deadline. Important tasks represent the significance we attribute to something. They also reflect our life values and guide us towards our purpose and goals.

How we prioritize things, and understand their relevance, depends on two connected factors:

1. 1. 1. The first revolves around when something needs to be accomplished and why it needs to be accomplished, based on what we know about it.
      2. The second factor involves emotion: our brain calls up any conscious or unconscious memories about this task (or something like it) from our lived experience. The feelings that go with these memories contribute to how we rate the significance of the task, its interest to us and its inherent rewards.

When we are faced with prioritizing activities, these two factors work together to engage or bore us.

Urgent and Important: Learning the Eisenhower Matrix

The Eisenhower Matrix was developed my President Dwight D. Eisenhower to assist him in choosing which of the many tasks to focus on each day and make difficult decisions. This matrix can be very useful to folks living with ADHD as a tool to help them think about the ways that they prioritize certain items while putting others off.

Here is my adaptation of The Eisenhower Matrix:

• • Quadrant 1: Spending time in Q1 means living in crisis mode. Many kids and adults with ADHD live here or put things off until they wind up with emergencies. The intensity of urgency and importance helps motivate them to get things done, but they wind up with lots of stress.
  • Quadrant 2: Time in Q2 feels like being in the flow; you are setting goals for yourself, making plans and following through.
  • Quadrant 3: When you struggle with managing interruptions and setting boundaries, you probably spend time in Q3.
  • Quadrant 4: Q4 is the home of distractions--everything you do to avoid the task at hand.

Spend time reflecting on the following questions:

- Where do you spend your time? - In which quadrant does your child or teen hang out? - How can you spend more time in Q2 and less time in Q1 and Q4?

To improve the ability to prioritize, we have to strengthen our capacity to determine time pressures (deadlines); schedule plans, work, homework, personal projects, chores and errands, and then reasonably estimate how long something will take and rely on a system of organization. Then, you’ll have to break tasks down into small enough, bite-sized chunks to get started on them. This typically means using the exact executive functioning skills that are naturally challenging for ADHD brains.

4 Steps To Approach Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD:

1. Do a brain dump:

Many folks with ADHD attempt to hold all of their to-do items in their head or write them on several pieces of paper which they then cannot find. Centralize this process. Pick one location for your lists: your phone, your computer or iPad or a notebook. Sit down and take two deep breaths: breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and breathe out for 6. Now, write down everything you can recall that you need to do. You probably won’t get everything in one sitting--that’s fine. You can come back and add things as necessary. 

2. Assign time and importance values to your tasks:

Pick a time value (when is this due?) and an importance value (how critical or significant is this?) for each of these items in order to prioritize them. This is where most kids and adults with ADHD get stuck. Everything seems equally critical, unless there’s a real emergency that’s pressing. I’ve created this chart with some examples to help you create your own. You can also use Post-it notes to help you move things around and schedule them.

TASK	DUE DATE	SIGNIFICANCE	PRIORITY NUMBER
Laundry	None	I have no clean socks	2
Work Report/History Project	Friday - in 2 days	Performance/50% grade	1
Making dentist appointment	Haven’t had a teeth cleaning in 2 years	Cavities, gum disease or other concerns	3

To decide the priority number, ask yourself these questions:

- What will happen if I don’t do this? - What will happen if I do this? - Which task am I leaning towards avoiding?

The more you don’t want to do something, the more likely that it’s important to start. These answers are usually very personal. Some people might rank making the dental appointment over the socks and will wear a used pair again. For me, I prefer clean socks and I can make the dental appointment when I’ve started the laundry. 

3. Make an accountability buddy, or be a body double:

It’s usually easier to determine your priorities when you have support. Having someone to discuss ideas with or talk through urgent and important issues can be extremely helpful to kids and adults with ADHD. Planning and prioritizing are executive functioning skills that really benefit from direct instruction, so having another person there to assist you is essential.

As adults, think about a friend or family member who can support you as you do the laundry, clean up the kitchen or break down the steps to approach your work report. With kids, you are that buddy.

Become a body double: sit with them while they pick up their clothes from the floor and fold the clean stuff. Or, review their brain dump and talk through how to choose where to start.

4. Be patient and persistent:

Planning and prioritizing on a regular basis takes practice and time. Expect to stumble and feel frustrated. This is a tough skill to learn and practice makes progress! Most people, with and without ADHD, struggle with this skill so be kind to yourself and compassionate with your kids as you embark on improving it.

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Read more blog posts:

• Teens, ADHD and Procrastination
• Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
• Perfectionism and ADHD: Why 'good enough' is better than perfect

Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline's YouTube Channel:

• Initiating and Completing Tasks with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
• Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
• 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

YourTango: 3 Steps To Achieve Tone Of Voice Awareness In Neurodiverse Families So All Members Are Comfortable And Safe

"What is a tone of voice and how does it affect neurodiverse families Neurodiverse families often struggle with emotional reactivity and verbal impulse control. Negative feelings and unpleasant words can intensify in the blink of an eye. Still, when the moments arise, it's hard enough to calm down your own emotions — let alone, the emotions of your child, teen, or partner."

Click here to read Dr. Saline's article on YourTango. Click here to read the original blog post by Dr. Saline.

The Local Moms Network - The Pandemic & ADHD: Why More Moms Are Being Diagnosed

"Mothers are multi-taskers and doing many things or being responsible for engineering the lives of their children can be overwhelming. When women feel overwhelmed more often than not, when they have difficulty organizing themselves and their children, when they lose their tempers and/or patience more than they would like, when they feel persistently anxious or depressed, when they have trouble making and keeping friends—these are all indications that ADHD may be present,” says Sharon Saline, Psy.D.

Click here to read the article, featuring Dr. Saline!

Cooling Down Conversations in Neurodiverse Families: De-escalate and do-over with 'WAIT-Now' and 'Take Back of the Day'

Have you ever said something to your child or teen that you wished you could take back? In the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to let our emotions take over instead of choosing our words carefully. Most parents lose their cool at one time or another. Similarly, many neurodiverse kids and teens who struggle with impulsivity and self-regulation can say things they wish they hadn’t. Cooling down conversations once they've heated up doesn't come easy for most people. Jesse, age 14, told me: “Sometimes I interrupt too much. I can reign it in if I need to, but I’m not always aware that I’m doing it.” We all have said the wrong thing during a stressful conversation, instantly regretted it, and wished for a “do-over” button. That’s why I created two tools to help you and your family better manage escalations and improve communication.

Cooling Down Conversations with Two Main Strategies

The WAIT-Now method helps you and your child take that needed pause to reconsider what you’re saying, why you’re saying it, and how you might be able to express yourself differently. Instead of blowing your cool and regretting it later, you’ll practice regaining control of the conversation, staying calm and communicating more effectively. If and when something regrettable is said, Take Back of the Day allows everyone in the family one opportunity to take it back, reconsider it, offer an apology if desired and restate what was on their mind. Family members accept this offering, practice forgiveness, and move on past the friction. Let’s take a closer look at each of these tools and how to apply them.

De-escalate with the "WAIT-Now" method

The WAIT-Now Method stands for: "Why Am I Talking Now?" It is an approach that teaches self-control by focusing on self-evaluation (metacognition).

How it works:

Rather than giving in to your automatic response in a tense or uncomfortable situation with your kids, you de-escalate by actively telling yourself to WAIT. Notice what you are saying to your child or teen, how they are responding and where the conversation is headed. If it’s going downhill, pause and ask yourself these questions:

• • Why am I talking now?
  • Do I need to be saying this?
  • Is this a one-way lecture or a two-way conversation?

How do we notice what’s going on with the other person in the conversation What are the signs that someone is paying attention to you or has drifted off? By slowing down to self-reflect, you become better equipped to manage the situation and respond to your child’s needs at that moment. Cooling down conversations relieves the tension so you can listen and respond more intentionally. Moreover, WAIT-Now offers you an opportunity to demonstrate, model, and teach your child how to think through choices about what they say and when they say it.

Why it helps:

Many children, especially neurodiverse kids, struggle with communicating, managing their emotions and picking up social cues. We, as their loving parents, must guide them toward better outcomes, teaching them by example. As children move into adolescence, stress, conflict, and anxiety become more common. Teens experiment and try new things, learning what works for them and what doesn’t along the way. They vacillate between pushing parents away and then relying on them. It’s confusing for everyone, and often results in a terrain of emotional minefields. The bottom line is that neurodiverse kids with executive functioning challenges, just like kids without them, want to feel heard. In fact, they seek this more often than they want solutions. They lash out at you because you are a safe arena to express their frustration. The WAIT-Now Method helps enable our children to manage their own big emotions. It fosters a more peaceful, constructive and mutually-respectful environment for your family.

The WAIT-Now method is for the whole family.

Teaching WAIT-Now starts with a calm conversation with your child or teen. Explain what it is and why it’s a technique worth trying. Emphasize that this is something your whole family can work on, parents and children alike. When we frame a new experience or approach in a way which highlights the benefits for our child or teen, they are more likely to be receptive.

Here’s the tough part for parents: We need to practice this skill set so our kids can feel what it is like to receive it.

Kids who shut down during an argument because they feel lectured or nagged are demonstrating important things: overwhelm and exclusion. Cooling down these conversations is just as important as calming ones fueled with anger. Their shutting down behaviors show that they can’t take in any more information, or they sense that their input doesn’t matter. When you see these signs, pause and assess why you are talking. Should you say everything you are thinking? Listen to your kids and reflect back what you hear them say. This is typically a more effective intervention than telling them what to do. It honors who they are and what makes sense to them. It shows you are attuned to their needs and goes a long way in building trust and closeness between parent and child.

Take back and try again with a "Take Back of the Day"

You can build upon WAIT-Now by establishing a practice I call "Take Back of the Day." You get one do-over, and take back something you regret saying.

How it works:

Model for your children how to admit to your mistakes and how to move forward with care and grace. Apologize if need be, and offer up a different approach or more carefully chosen words. We all do or say the wrong thing now and again, and taking responsibility for our failings is a crucial life skill. Show your child how to recover from hurtful words or actions in a loving and respectful manner. When you practice and teach the WAIT-Now method and its companion, Take Back of the Day, you empower your child to learn to monitor and express themselves differently. Cooling down heated conversations will come easier for all of you. WAIT-Now and Take Back of the Day foster the listening, compassion and engagement neurodiverse kids and their families need to live with more closeness and better communication.

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Read more blog posts:

• Tone of Voice Awareness in Neurodiverse Families: How to practice self-regulation in family conflicts
• ADHD and Anger: Tools for Reducing Family Conflict by Starting with Yourself
• Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Mediate Sibling Relationships Complicated by ADHD

Watch on YouTube:

• ADHD and Oppositional Defiance (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• Anger Management with ADHD (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• How to Get Your Teens to Open Up (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/apologies/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

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Tone of Voice Awareness in Neurodiverse Families: How to practice self-regulation in family conflicts

Neurodiverse families often struggle with emotional reactivity and verbal impulse control. Negative feelings and unpleasant words can intensify in the blink of an eye. Still, when the moments arise, it's hard enough to calm down your own emotions -- let alone the emotions of your child, teen or partner. Where do you even start? When that tone of voice (the one you're all too familiar with) enters the picture, you can use the quick and direct steps of "T.O.V." to help initiate a process of self-reflection and self-regulation for your family and yourself. Tone of voice awareness takes practice, but it's a skill that will improve family communication and connections for years to come.

Family conflict: A familiar story

You are almost finished cooking dinner, a meal you've been planning since your last shopping trip a few days ago. You made sure to plan a meal that the whole family can enjoy, taking into account your son's eating specifications. Everyone has had a rough week transitioning back into school mode. On top of that, work has been a bit overwhelming. You've been dealing with headaches on and off, and are ready for some quiet time. You have been looking forward to this meal all week, if not only to have some quality time with your family. You go to pull the roast out of the oven and call the kids in to help prepare the table. Your daughter comes in and begins to work with place settings. You call your son in - for the third time - and he stomps in, muttering about how he wasn't able to finish the level in his video game.

You remind him he has plenty of time after dinner to wrap up his game and save it. In the middle of your sentence, you hear a commotion, high-pitched screech. You turn, and the kids are going at it. "She took my favorite cup!" he yells. They begin to chase each other around the kitchen.

You huff as you try to get the food from your prep station to the table without tripping over them. "If you had come in to help when I first called, you could have chosen your favorite cup." "It's not fair!" he screams, and hits his fist on the table, scattering silverware and causing a side dish to fall. Your heart rate spikes, your face flushes. You want to scream, but you know you have to set a good example. Your headache increases in intensity.

How did your easygoing family evening escalate into this?

Why can't your son use another of your many drinking glasses? When will he learn to modulate how he expresses himself and be more cooperative? Why did you allow yourself to be upset by him in the first place? You're aware that impulsivity and emotional dysregulation are challenges for your neurodiverse family. And yet, here you are again, ready to pull your hair out.

Enter: Tone Of Voice Awareness

So often, neurodivergent kids aren't really aware of how they say things. They might have difficult understanding how what they say (and how they say it) can affect others. They might need guidance learning how to slow down and reflect on what they just expressed. But, since they are often sensitive to criticism, direct feedback can frequently backfire. Discussing the impact of their tone of voice allows your child - and your entire family - to reflect for themselves on how they can say something in a more impactful way. It also allows them to have more tone of voice awareness around their thoughts before they communicate them. Incorporating T.O.V. allows kids to practice several skills simultaneously: emotional regulation, verbal and behavioral impulse control, planning, shifting and personal insight (metacognition). So, where does this lesson start?

How to improve tone of voice (T.O.V.) awareness for more effective family communication

Step 1: Introduce the concept naturally.

Introducing T.O.V. won't be very helpful unless it is introduced at a time when everyone is willing to listen and learn. In a calm moment, you explain to your neurodivergent child or teen that sometimes everyone needs help with improving tone of voice awareness and learning how their words and their tone of voice affect others.

If you have multiple children, it is important to include everyone in the conversation. This will make everyone feel like they are an equal part of the conversation, and will keep you from singling anyone out. Let them know that you will be saying "T.O.V." out loud when you think they should reflect on how they are speaking to someone. Allow them a minute or two to practice their tone of voice awareness and pivot how they are speaking. Encourage them to try again.

Step 2: Be prepared that it might not always work immediately.

If your child or teen can't manage their emotions enough to change their communication style, then encourage a timed break. Allow them - and yourself - personal space to breathe and regroup. Many times, a 10-15 minute break is all it takes. But be prepared for it to take a little longer, depending on everyone's headspace.

Step 3: Be willing to forgive and move on.

When your child or teen is successful in practicing tone of voice awareness and adjusts how they are speaking to you, your job is to appreciate their efforts, accept their attitude adjustment, and move forward. Positive steps in the right direction include speaking slower or quieter and using more polite, less aggressive, language. Let them know how much their attitude adjustment means to you. Positive reinforcement is very important, especially in any child/adult relationship.

Remember, T.O.V. is a tool for everyone.

As much as you may be using "T.O.V." to help improve your child's communication efforts, you need to know your kids could call you out, too! How you respond to this is incredibly important. A good approach is to acknowledge your feelings, or laugh and admit that you are also capable of messing up. While you don't want to create an environment where everyone is calling out "T.O.V." constantly, you do want to lead by example in combative situations, and take the opportunity to practice tone of voice awareness for yourself! Be selective when you use it, and they will be encouraged to do so as well. More than anything, it's important to realize that everyone is human. You can only react to things as your mood allows, and making sure you set everyone up with the proper tools to learn and grow through the aggressive moments can be very impactful.

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Read more blog posts:

• Cooling Down Conversations in Neurodiverse Families: De-escalate and Do-over with 'WAIT-Now' and 'Take Back of the Day'
• ADHD and Defiance during COVID: What can you do instead of yelling?
• Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Mediate Sibling Relationships Complicated by ADHD

Watch on YouTube:

• ADHD and Oppositional Defiance (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• Anger Management with ADHD (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• How to Get Your Teens to Open Up (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/managing-technology-families-video/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

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Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!

Projects can be difficult. Whether you're putting off a project, or just slugging through each part of it over the course of what seems like months, a new undertaking can really drain you. No matter how small a project, or how large a task, we have all experienced anxiety around completing something, especially if we or a loved one have ADHD. Fortunately, personal project planners can really help to diminish the overwhelm. The goal of using any planner is to provide structure for planning, prioritizing, and sequencing aspects of executive functioning skills. These are the processes that get you from the beginning to the end of a task. Different types of forms or personal project planners can make a task feel manageable. Here is why.

Beginning tasks can feel impossible, but creative planners can make them fun!

Starting a new task is challenging for everyone on some level. Whether it feels unpleasant or potentially problematic plays a huge role in the amount of energy a task requires. Simple tasks often feel impossible to people with ADHD. Creating steps to move it along, and then completing them can be challenging for people with executive functioning deficits. Having a formula for success can be important, and a personal project planner can do that. While spontaneity is important (and fun) from time to time, it is important to maintain a routine to set expectations and build good habits. This is important for tasks too. Routines offer organization and predictability to kids with ADHD. They comfort them, even if it sometimes seems counter-intuitive. Different designs might spark creativity in some minds, a simple design might feel less chaotic. 

Switching from one task to another can be less daunting with personal project planners.

Kids and adults with ADHD often get overwhelmed when they’re asked to stop one activity and start another. Shifting from one task to another involves executive functioning skills - such as impulse control, cognitive flexibility and organization -that might not come naturally to them. Knowing how to wrap up where they are in a project, remembering where they’re leaving off so they know how to begin again when it’s time to return, and moving onto something new can be incredibly challenging. Having a planner handy to write down tasks, notes and times can help you keep track of where you are and what's next.

Hyperfocus can make tasks more difficult, especially without a schedule.

Many people with ADHD experience hyperfocus, and it can be a very helpful trait for learning, creativity and productivity. It can, however, be detrimental in certain circumstances. While hyperfocusing on a project or activity can lead to great results, it can also make achieving tasks even tougher because of a lack of awareness of how time passes. Think about how time goes fast when you’re having fun, but at a higher level. No matter how many warnings your parent might give, having to stop a computer game or playing hoops with your neighbor to do chores can still come as a shock. Even stopping a task to start another one you think is fun can take time to process. Having a planner to work with can give the mind an easy outline of the tasks ahead. In addition, it offers space to journal out anything that might help you transition into a new thought pattern.

Personal project planners make tasks easier to understand.

Many people with ADHD are visual learners, and learning quirks will happen. Even if the task has been explained thoroughly, and in a way that the person understands, there is often worry and other, perhaps more compulsive, thoughts that can overshadow understanding. Often, scenarios and projects are not explained clearly either. Sometimes all it takes is a quick YouTube tutorial searched online to help you clarify. However, personal project planners give you a space to write notes about the task or draw photos in a way that everyone can understand. No matter what, make sure to engage with the material in a way that suits your particular situation.

Create your own personal project planner

Whether you choose to devote yourself to a working spreadsheet on the computer, your tasking is available in an app, or you invest in paper planners, there is an option for everyone who's interested. (Isn't it great that they make to-do lists and project planners specific to tasks in addition to scheduling planners? And that they're available at almost every retail shop around?) Here is how you can create your own forms that suit your and/or your child’s specific management skills. This will require some - perhaps difficult - effort in the beginning, but it will definitely yield results. My favorite method is a simple but effective form I have used over the years:

1. Gather a pen and a journal or a piece of paper.

2. Choose the topic or task and write that on the top of the paper.

3. Make a grid with 3 vertical columns and several horizontal rows. Label the three columns “Possibilities, Pros, Cons.”

It should look like this:

4. Put any ideas about the project in the possibilities column. Follow this with what you consider good and/or bad about that idea.

For example, if the task is organizing items in the basement, the possibilities list might range from “taking everything to the dump” to “getting rid of anything that I haven’t used in 5 years.”

5. Create the sequential steps needed to accomplish the task using another grid. This grid will have 5 vertical columns and several horizontal rows. Use the labels suggested below, OR create your own!

Make as many numbered rows as required to finish the project, and make the actions as specific as possible. Estimate the time it takes to do a step and then compare that guess with the time that passes. This will help to improve those all-important time management skills as well!

Keep in mind, some people might prefer to have a "Notes" column or journaling area, so that they can work through emotions. This can help them to perhaps explain what they loved or didn't love about communication around the task and what they had to do. This can help everyone stay informed for the next time an opportunity like this comes up! Many kids and adults with ADHD struggle with maintaining structure and practice of task management. However, I have found that my clients ultimately embrace organization tools like personal project planners. Many find them extremely helpful! These “roadmaps” reduce anxiety, clarify goals and build confidence as activities are completed.

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Read more blog posts:

• Feeling overwhelmed by something? Break it down!
• ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it
• 5 Tips to Uplevel Your Spring Cleaning and Decluttering

Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline's YouTube Channel:

• Initiating and Completing Tasks with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
• Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
• 4 Tips to Boost Motivation in Kids and Teens (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline)

Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/motivation/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

YourTango: Back To School With ADHD And COVID Uncertainty (Again) - Reprinted

"Just when we thought we’d turned a corner in the COVID war, the virus is rearing its ugly head for another wave. As kids go back to school, uncertainty looms once again. The Delta variant is making all of us more nervous than we might already be. School districts are debating mask mandates and some have returned to remote learning. It’s worrisome for parents and students, many of whom assumed that in-person learning would finally go forward."

Click here to read Dr. Saline's article on YourTango. Click here to read the original blog post by Dr. Saline.

College Opensource - Female Students with ADHD: How IECs Can Help

Article by Eric Endlich, PhD and Sharon Saline, Psy.D. "Nia had been so excited to go to college. She’d been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in eighth grade and received accommodations such as extra time on tests, preferential classroom seating and getting copies of teachers’ notes. An executive functioning coach assisted her in using a calendar and organizing assignments. Nia worked hard, graduated with a 3.8 GPA and moved into her college dorm with high expectations. Sadly, six months later, she was back home. Depressed, anxious and on academic probation, she’d isolated herself, dropped one class and failed two..."

Click here to read the article.

Healthline - The 10 Best Books for ADHD in 2021

"Whether you’re the parent of a child recently diagnosed with ADHD or an adult seeking new methods for managing ADHD symptoms, there is a wide variety of books for ADHD available to offer you some guidance. Before you can pick up the best book for ADHD that fits your situation, it’s important to understand what you’re looking for. Below, we’ve rounded up the best books for ADHD according to the type of advice and topic you may be looking for, whether that’s a book for managing your own ADHD or solutions for connecting with your ADHD teen."

Dr. Saline's "What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew" was chosen Best for Parents.

Click here to read the article.

Return to School with ADHD and COVID Uncertainty (again)

Just when we thought we’d turned a corner in the COVID war, the virus is rearing its ugly head again. As kids go back to school, uncertainty looms once again. The Delta variant is making all of us more nervous than we might already be. School districts are debating mask mandates and some have returned to remote learning. It’s worrisome for parents and students--many of whom assumed that in-person learning would finally take place. When you consider the academic and social challenges for many kids with ADHD, it’s tough to know what to do to stay safe and create viable, rewarding learning experiences for your children and teens. 

Transitions back to school are typically challenging for kids with ADHD, LD, ASD and twice-exceptionality. When these changes are marked by continued concerns about the health of being in classrooms and engaging in social interactions, neurodiverse kids, who already struggle with anxiety and emotional regulation, become more stressed, worried and reactive. As parents, when you are confused about what to do or what to believe, it’s harder to put aside your feelings and be patient with your kids’ numerous questions or concerns. In this time of insecurity and frustration, the best thing you can do is name and work through the struggles.

Check-in with your child or teen about their school concerns

Rather than let this anxiety bleed into all aspects of daily living, pick one time per day for up to 20 minutes to discuss what’s happening. Discuss fears, acknowledge the unknowns and reflect on how you’ve all survived the challenges of the past 18 months.

• • • • • What are some resources you relied on?
        • How did you come together as a family to support each other?
        • What types of decisions did you make previously that could be helpful now?

Let your kids ask questions and, if you don’t know the answer to their questions, tell them you will get back to them tomorrow with a response. When you assign a particular time to talk about a distressing subject, you contain it. This containment helps manage persistent anxiety. 

Here are 5 tips for making back to school with ADHD during COVID go as smoothly as possible:

1. Create predictable, doable routines--together.

Planning ahead reduces the frustration and overwhelm of making transitions for kids with ADHD. There’s no way around this. Some type of daily structure helps kids organize themselves and decreases family conflict. Use a whiteboard, chalkboard or large calendar to collaborate on what’s expected of your child in the morning, after school and before bed.

Keep these action items limited to 3 things so they are not overwhelmed. Kids can check the schedule instead of asking you what’s next so they can move themselves through the tasks. This builds confidence and competence, so they experience success as they start their year.

2. Stay compassionate and consistent.

Transitions are tough for many kids, especially those with ADHD, LD or other mental health challenges. Give them time to practice going to bed and waking up earlier. Brainstorm new ideas for lunch, and listen to their concerns about going back to the classroom and seeing other kids. Offer them choices about their schedule so they have more buy-in.

Your goal is to notice their efforting and aim for steadiness rather than focus on perfection. If they are trying to regulate themselves or do their chores--more times than not--let them know you see their efforts.

3. Address social anxiety without solving it.

As much as you would like to wave your magic wand and make their worries go away, kids need to learn how to deal with their fears and manage them. This is how they develop resilience, and it’s something we’ve all done to get where we are today.

Talk with them about their concern. Be sure to listen, and reflect back what you hear. Try a role play, or brainstorm possible strategies, phrases or responses. Recall past situations when they were nervous about or confronted a friendship issue and identify what helped them get through that tough moment.

The goal is to apply tools from previous challenges where they ultimately succeeded to what they are currently facing. Normalize--don’t minimize--their anxiety, and explore issues related to rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

Most kids and teens, with or without ADHD, feel uncertain at the beginning of school. Saying, “That’s not such a big deal or you’ll be fine” actually doesn’t give them the tools they need. Instead, try, “Of course you are nervous. That’s natural after not seeing people this summer or when you start a new school or have a new teacher.” This validates their experience and simultaneously reduces any shame about their feelings.

4. Make sure specific supports are in place for your alternative learner.

School is often the toughest area of functioning for neurodiverse kids. Make sure all accommodations--any 504’s or IEP plans--are in place.

Plan for an appointment to speak with classroom teachers or guidance counselors before school, and ask if your child can visit their new classroom or school to familiarize themselves with the environment. This will also reduce some anxiety.

Be sure to discuss any social concerns and discuss how you, your student and the school can work together to make this year run smoothly and successfully. Include your student in this part of the meeting so they will have buy-in.

5. Establish a back-up plan.

With so many things in flux, change is inevitable, and pushback and upsets will occur. Rather than being surprised when these occur, take some time to set up some guidelines of how you are going to manage those tense moments in advance of them occurring.

Set aside specific time for a family meeting--when people are calm, fed and awake--for no more than 30 minutes. Brainstorm possible scenarios when things go awry (I suggest using Stop, Think, Act). Agree on responses and talk about consequences for lying, disrespectful language or inappropriate behaviors.

Let your kids take the lead first on what meaningful interventions would look like. It’s useful to hear what they have to say and incorporate it into any plan you create. When you collaborate with them, they’re more likely to participate cooperatively. Write down whatever you decide and, just as you did with the daily plan, post it in a common space. 

Take care of your wellbeing as a parent, too.

Regardless of the stress you feel, you’ve got this! Breathe, go outside for a walk, run or bike ride and practice self-care. Engage the support of your friends and family. This is a time to up-level your self-care.

Remember, when you travel on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs parents to put on their oxygen masks first before putting masks on their children. If you are feeling out-of-control or emotionally reactive with the stress of this COVID and school uncertainty, speak to your primary care provider or find a counselor.

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Read more blog posts:

• Managing Uncertainty With Your Family During COVID-19: More than deep breathing
• ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 Tips for Learning Success
• Returning to School with ADHD: Tips on helping anxious kids transition smoothly

Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:

• How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
• ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)

Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

ADDitude Mag: No Motivation? 5 Steps to Build Drive and Confidence

Teachers and parents can take advantage of these strategies for training focus, combatting procrastination, and prioritizing effectively to achieve the success that drives future motivation in their students with ADHD. Read the article here.

ADHD Support Talk Radio: Perfectionism, Shoulds & Adult ADHD

"If you can be your own worst critic, and you find yourself avoiding, delaying or putting off things that you intend to do until you have the time/energy/bandwidth to do them right, this episode is for you! Dr. Sharon Saline joins co-host Lynne Edris to help find a better way to peace of mind if you’re tired of trying to get things “just right,” or living up to impossible standards of perfection. Listen as we discuss the challenges of living with ADHD and perfectionism and offer 5 practical, easy to use tips." Click play below to listen to the interview, or listen at ADHDSupportTalk.com.

Overcoming Distractions EP 122: Managing burnout and overwhelm when you have ADHD

"If you have ADHD and you feel you are suffering from overwhelm or even burnout, you want to take the time to listen to this new podcast episode. We discuss one of the silent conditions of mental health and that is burnout. Back on Overcoming Distractions is Dr. Sharon Saline. She has over 30 years of experience working with individuals with ADHD, she is a bestselling author and a leading expert in many areas of ADHD and neurodiversity. Sharon and Dave talk about burnout and how people with ADHD may experience this more than others. And not only more common but many with ADHD can also get to burnout much quicker."

Listen to the episode here.

 

Attention Talk Radio - ADHD: What You Should Do vs What You Actually Do

"Often, people with ADHD focus on what they think that they should do, never acknowledging what they actually do. In this episode of Attention Talk Radio, ADHD coach Jeff Copper (www.digcoaching.com) and Dr. Sharon Saline (www.drsharonsaline.com) will discuss the concepts of what you should do, versus looking honestly at what you’ll actually do, as a form of self-awareness with the goal of helping you move forward. If you have ADHD and find yourself “should-ing” all the time, this is a show you won’t want to miss." Click play below to listen to the interview, or listen at AttentionTalkRadio.com.

Regulate Summer Screen Time for Your Child with ADHD and Yourself

Summer is here! How are your kids and teens with ADHD spending the extra free time? On the one hand, kids and teens have more time to turn to video games and connecting with friends on social media. On the other, they have more time and space to move around now that they aren't required to sit and learn so much. This is a much needed break for kids and teens with ADHD who often self-regulate with movement. But with less structure and help with supervision, parents often have trouble keeping up with the entertainment, energy, and emotions of kids all day, every day. Many parents then turn to screens to help kids take the edge off of an otherwise hectic time. So it's not whether screens are part of summer vacation, but how they are. So how can you help your family better regulate summer screen time?

The benefits of online connection for kids with ADHD

Though screen time has a negative reputation, it's not all bad. Games are great for developing problem-solving skills and hand-eye coordination. Kids experience a motivation to excel. They also practice picking themselves up after making mistakes to try again--a helpful experience for those with rejection sensitive dysphoria that often accompanies ADHD. Social media has the potential to help kids and teens with ADHD expand their social groups and foster stronger connections. They can become part of supportive communities that help them learn to express themselves and develop a stronger sense of self and identity. After years of feeling behind in certain areas compared to their peers, finding ways to improve their self-esteem and sense of belonging makes a big impact on kids and teens with ADHD. Access to the internet, with its vast amount of information, also encourages learning. It can nurture the interests of kids and teens with ADHD. If a child doesn't have access to a yo-yo teacher in their neighborhood, they can learn the basics and some fun tricks on YouTube. Importantly, they can also learn at their own pace. Sometimes kids with ADHD fall behind with certain styles of learning used in school, so having the opportunity to experience how they learn best encourages them to self-advocate for accommodations that might help them succeed now and in the future.

The side effects of too much screen time

Unfortunately, there are "side effects" to getting too much screen time on a regular basis. Too much screen time can actually take a bigger toll on developing children than we often realize. Screens are associated with negative health implications like:

• • Sleep issues
  • Low energy
  • Decreased productivity
  • Eyestrain
  • Headaches

Screens - and the applications and games we use on them - can also be highly addicting. We want the summer to be fun for our families, so it can be very difficult to work with them on rules for screen time. But it is important to explore these options to help improve their health and encourage your family to engage with the world around them.

A few simple tips to help you regulate summer screen time with your family:

Discourage late-night screen usage

If you need to, consider shutting down the internet or turning off phones to discourage late-night usage. Some families choose to have a phone basket or cubby to put everyone's devices in. Doing this an hour or two before bed will help everyone fall asleep faster. Many families choose not to keep television sets or computers in bedrooms to help discourage any over-usage. This should help to improve your child's sleeping patterns, which often aggravate any cognitive or energy issues they may be having.

Co-watch with your children

When possible, make sure that what your kids are viewing or interacting with is age-appropriate. It can actually be really fun to engage with them and their favorite video games, television series, and movies. Ensure that any news they are getting is from reputable sources. Monitor their social media usage to promote healthy interactions. Set child locks on devices and applications for the times when you are not around to co-watch.

Limit screen time

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently reported that children and teenagers spend an average of six to nine hours per day on screens. Bringing this number down is a lot easier in the summer with so many other activities and crafts to try and things to get into. Everyone should really be getting a much-needed break during this season. Follow my parenting acronym "SCREENS" to help you create regulate summer screen time with collaboration and an overall effective plan. Try to stick to a rule with screen time for all of your kids, so that no one feels left out or discouraged. If you're feeling confident, try a "no screen day" once a week. See what kinds of events and other things your children come up with in the meantime. A digital break is great every now and then for everyone, and I highly encourage it. If you can, try to abide by similar rules. You might find that it benefits your own mental health in the long run. There is overwhelming evidence to support that Mother Earth does, indeed, have some sort of integral connection to--and influence over--all living cells. Incorporating outdoor activities into your routine can optimize your body’s function with access to fresh air, sunshine, plants, animals and other environmental factors. Try planting a garden. Enjoy long walks with family pets. Do some yoga or play some frisbee in the yard. Encourage your children (and yourself, if you can) to be outside, screen-free, for at least an hour on the days that it is nice outside. And really, if you're dressed appropriately, even rainy days can be fun to play in! Just be sure to check for upcoming storms and that the air quality is reasonable, especially with the unexpected weather we've been having and the increasing natural disasters happening around the world. Also, join your kids for family walks, bike rides, or other explorations. There is no denying that screens play a pivotal role in growth and development in this day and age. After a long year of online learning, it is also imperative to make sure that your family has a plan to regulate summer screen time this year. It's not always easy, but I promise it's worth it.

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Read more blog posts:

• ADHD and Technology: Sensible Solutions to Screen (In)Sanity
• Kick off the Summer with 6 Easy Strategies for Better Living with ADHD
• Dinnertime for the Family with ADHD: How to make family meals more enjoyable for all

Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube channel:

• Managing summer screen time for your kids (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)
• How Do I Manage Screen Time and ADHD? (ADDitude Mag ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• Summer Structure & Self-Esteem for Kids with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/smartphones/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/managing-technology-families-video/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

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Relationship: How to Let Someone Go- 3 Most Important Things You Must Do

"Ending a relationship can be hard, extremely hard. Human beings are relational.  The majority of us thrive when we are in relationships that are healthy and mutually satisfying. Sometimes, however, ending relationships and letting someone go is a  necessary and difficult part of one’s life journey (by Carlin Barnes, MD). "10 practicing psychologists and psychiatrists were kindly agreed to share their professional experience and give us a few pieces of valuable advice on How To Let Someone Go – 3 Most Important THINGS You MUST DO."

Click here to read the article.

 

ADDitude Mag: “I Can Do It Myself!” How to Support Tweens with ADHD (Who Don’t Want Help)

Tweens with ADHD often refuse to ask for help, reject it when it’s offered, or pretend that they’ve got things under control when they don’t. Parenting teenagers with ADHD requires managing your discomfort with their mistakes, but also finding ways to offer support that they will accept. Read the article here.

Couples Living with ADHD: Healthy practices that focus less on fairness and more on companionship

Whether you have ADHD, your partner does or you both do, there’s one thing for certain: the tasks of living--whether fun or tedious--can often seem overwhelming and unmanageable. Executive functioning skill challenges, learning disabilities, ASD, anxiety or depression can add to the complexity of any relationship. Sometimes these challenges are met with humor, empathy and compassion. Other times, couples living with ADHD produce resentment, frustration and blame. How can you and your partner live with ADHD more successfully while nurturing a healthy companionship?

Exchange fairness for collaboration

Begin by forgetting about fairness. Focusing on equality leads a couple down a rocky path. It may seem that one person does more of the heavy lifting. Whether or not this is true, we all have roles to play in our partnerships and in our families.

You need to learn how to negotiate what these are so that there’s flexibility and compromise instead of rigidity and contempt. Healthy relationships are all about give and take, effective communication and acceptance of the other person’s strengths and limitations.

In partnerships, people have different skill sets. One person may be the organizer and the motivator. The other might be better at following lists, coming up with fun ideas or recalling specific memories from five years ago. Instead of concentrating on fairness, shift your attention to what will help nurture your relationship, foster closeness and be useful in getting things done.

Make collaborative agreements with plans for accountability and lean into each other’s strengths. This way, you can break down tasks into manageable parts or delegate chores based on interest and capability. Instead of fairness being your goal, aim for effectiveness and equanimity.

I’m better at social planning, cooking, dealing with medical issues, reserving places to stay on vacations and making sure we celebrate holidays, birthdays and our anniversary. My husband takes care of the garden, goes to the dump, manages structural house problems and deals with airlines. Together we take turns with the laundry, grocery shopping and walking the dog.

How do you and your partner divide tasks? What skills do you and your partner each have? If the division of labor seems imbalanced, how are you addressing that? Do you make joint lists and assign the tasks so one person isn’t doing it all? Zoom out and think about the big picture.

Rinse, wash, repeat: Stop having the same argument

Most couples have the same arguments over and over again. Whether it’s about money, who’s doing (or not doing) what or how to parent the kids, people get caught up in (and sweat) the small stuff. As adults living with ADHD, you are more likely to struggle with impulsivity, emotional control, prioritizing and time management (among other executive functioning skills) compared to other couples. Here are 5 strategies to reduce frustration and foster positive connections and companionship with your partner:

1. Communicate clearly and cleanly:

What is the music between you and your partner? How you talk to each other and negotiate issues is critical for creating a harmonious soundtrack between you. Practice reflective listening when you aren’t upset so you can use it when you are. When the temperature is hot between you, there’s usually no listening.

• • • • Set aside 10-15 minutes at least three times per week and mark your timer.
      • The first person speaks and the second one listens, periodically repeating back what is being said using this formula: “I heard you say X, did I get that right? Is there anything else?”
      • At the midpoint, you switch roles.
      • Then when you are getting agitated and heading down the slippery slope towards a blowout, call up this exercise. This way, you will each feel heard.

The goal isn’t for a solution but just to improve listening and acknowledge your partner. Afterwards, refrain from going back into the content and decide when you can return to the topic for a solution. You are working together, not against one another.

2. Make requests, not demands:

Instead of wagging your finger or raising your voice in self-righteousness or holding onto your need to be right, keep the playing field level. Asking your partner invites their participation. If they struggle to follow through on things, find a calm moment and brainstorm together what would assist them with persistence and completion.

It’s natural for ADHD brains to wander, even if a person has a list to aid them. When you work as a team, the probability of reaching a goal is much stronger. Acknowledge and appreciate when your partner does something you’ve asked, or at least made a solid effort. This will encourage them to keep going. 

3. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt:

We all know that it’s more satisfying to accomplish what we set out to do than to leave things unfinished. Most people with ADHD would rather be successful in what they attempt but may fall short, despite their best efforts. They frequently carry around a deep-seated sense of shame about their limitations, which spills over into their relationships.

Perhaps your ADHD partner resents you because you don’t have ADHD and things seem easier for you, or they don’t like how you tell them what to do. Maybe they name you as the problem in the relationship because you have ADHD and think everything is your fault. Relationships work best when you give your partner the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming they do things on purpose.

4. Be accountable for your actions and inactions:

Relationships succeed when both parties are accountable for what they bring to the table--the good, the bad and the ugly. Brainstorm tools that will help your relationship, such as writing things down, using alerts and alarms, sending neutral reminders via text message, creating family bulletin boards and/or online calendars.

Start with one change at a time--that’s what people can handle. When there are several things on the list, “I wish you wouldn’t do,” or, “I wish you would start doing,” becomes overwhelming and, at times, humiliating. 

5. Foster closeness and fun:

Many couples living with ADHD are so busy dealing with the pressures and responsibilities of daily life, that they’ve lost track of what drew them together in the first place. Nurturing your positive connection is essential for growing your love.

Find some time to remember what you like about one another. Take turns choosing an activity and mix things up by trying something new. Instead of going out to dinner again, try a whitewater rafting trip for the day, get food from a new restaurant and have a romantic picnic, be a tourist in your own town, or visit a new museum. Develop a shared interest such as playing tennis, learning salsa or baking bread. Make time for intimacy.

If you are not connecting positively, you will negatively. Anger and hostility also reflect a deep connection, just not a productive or pleasant one. If these activities are tough for you because there’s too much blame or resentment, I encourage you to seek counseling.

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Read more blog posts:

• Gender, Sexuality and ADHD: Parenting Children and Youth with ADHD Exploring Their Gender and Sexual Identity
• 5 Tips for Parenting Neurodiverse Kids on the Same Page
• Beyond ADHD Pandemic Burnout: How To Help Your Family Regroup And Find Strength

Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:

• ADHD in Couples' Relationships (ADDitude ADHD Support Group Q&A with Dr. Saline)
• Moms with ADHD: Why YOU Are the Best Mother for Your Child
• Dads with ADHD: A Father's Day Special

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/shame/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/motivation/

Dinnertime for the Family with ADHD: How to make family meals more enjoyable for all

Dinnertime can be a wonderful opportunity to catch up with your family, learn what's going on in each other's lives and share the delightful experience of a tasty meal. It has the potential to be an enjoyable break in your day where you can check-in with your family (and yourself) and connect with each other. However, if that doesn't sound like your experience, you're not alone. Dinnertime for families living with ADHD can look quite different. Your child or teen face unique challenges that make it difficult for them to calmly transition to the table and be ready to eat what's served. I'll discuss some of these challenges as well as how to help everyone feel more prepared and excited to enjoy a meal with one another.

Why mealtimes can be challenging for kids and teens with ADHD

Getting everyone to the dinner table

Kids and adult with ADHD often get overwhelmed when they're asked to stop one activity and start another. Shifting from one task to another involves executive functioning skills such as impulse control, cognitive flexibility and organization that they might struggle with. Knowing how to wrap up where they are in a project, remembering where they're leaving off when it's time to return, and moving onto something new can be challenging. Hyperfocus on a project or activity makes this even tougher because of a lack of awareness of how time passes. Think about how time goes fast when you're having fun but even more so. Leaving a fun computer game or playing hoops with your neighbor to eat a meal with your parents, no matter how many warnings your mom or dad gave you, can still come as a shock that they now have to process. So getting to the table with a smile may well not happen.

Arriving in a good mood

Ideally, family members come together around the table in a friendly, happy mood. However, that can be a lot to expect at dinnertime for your ADHD family. Expecting kids to reign in emotions from the events of their day or even their last activity might be too much to ask. If they're overwhelmed with having to stop what they were doing to eat at what they think is an inconvenient time, they'll probably bring this upset to the table. They might also have had a difficult day  and aren't up for cheerfully sitting around you to eat dinner. Displeasure about the food or anxiety about the noise or conversation could also contribute to a foul mood. Chat with your child or teen about how to join the family and participate in the meal with more equanimity. Learning how to do this takes time and practice. Eating what's served We all can agree that eating well is one of the keys to living well. Yet, nutrition can be a hard enough thing to handle for yourself, let alone when you are raising a picky eater. Having a well-rounded diet is important, yet it can seem almost impossible with a sensory sensitive child or teen with ADHD who, for example, only likes white-colored foods. As you try to get a handle on it and ensure that your family is getting all of the vitamins and minerals they need, things can get a little dicey (pun definitely intended) with so many different food preferences. Dinnertime for your ADHD family can feel like a rollercoaster ride. "Picky eaters" make up 26% of the American population, while anywhere from 13 to 22% of children  are reported as "picky eaters" at any given time. People rarely consider it a chronic problem since it is so prevalent in children, especially aged 2-5, and see it more as a passing phase. However, about 40% of children are reported to have inconveniently specific eating preferences that last more than two years, and this is especially common for children diagnosed with ADHD.

7 tips to help make dinnertime more enjoyable for your ADHD family

1.  Ask your child or teen about their food preferences.

Do you consider your kid or teen a picky eater? Not being interested in the meal served can add stress at dinnertime for any family. My guess is they aren't selective about their foods because they prefer dine exclusively on lobster rolls or prime rib. Rather, kids with ADHD who have strong taste preferences often like familiar foods, like crackers, mac and cheese or PB&Js. Eating their preferred foods consistently might not offer them the best nutrition. But the stress of needing to swallow foods you don't like--while also in an upset mood or heated emotional environment--isn't good for the body, either. Having a familiar, fulfilling meal can help them get the sustenance and energy they need without needing to add more stress to an already stressful day. Ask them questions about the foods they like. Is it the flavor, the texture, the fact they can hold it in their hands? This will help you better grasp their eating needs as well as gain understanding about their experiences. Kids with ADHD want to be understood more than judged. Taking the time to inquire about their perceptive is meaningful to them and helpful to you.

2. Take their preferences into consideration when introducing new foods at mealtime.

If you're concerned about your kid's limited food preferences, try working with them slowly over time on expanding their food preferences. Forcing them to eat a meal that you might love, but they don't, will only lead to an unpleasant experience for your family. See if you can find a new food once in a while that might be a healthier version of their favorite foods, but still meet their preferences. If your child loves french fries, try an often healthier alternative - sweet potato fries. Then, gradually move on to other similar foods. When they're trying new foods, don't set your expectations too high. You might think you have all the information and that you definitely got it right this time. The bottom line is--it's still up to them to decide, and it still might not work. Prepare yourself for this scenario so you don't give a strong reaction in the moment. The goal isn't to shame your child or teen into eating. Showing support and acknowledge for their courage in taking a risk will help them feel more comfortable with trying new foods in the future.

3. Set up reminders leading up to mealtime.

Give your child or teen time to prepare for an upcoming meal time. Use a reminder system to let your child or teen know that food will be prepared and ready to serve soon. I'm not referring to yelling up the stairs, "Dinner in 10!" Raising your voice won't support any calm transition. It can actually be triggering, so it's best to avoid at all times, even when it's not out of anger or frustration. If your child or teen has headphones on or their door closed, they're not going to hear you anyway. Instead, knock on their door or calmly approach them (while respecting their privacy and physical boundaries) and let them know that dinner will be ready in 15 or 10 minutes and then with a 5 minute warning.  Ask them to acknowledge the reminder using the Rule of Three so you both understand that they get it. Another option is helping them set up reminders in their phone, watch, alarm clock or other device. This promotes their independence and helps them build strategies for time management skills.

4. Keep your child or teen informed with what's on the menu.

Inform your child or teen about what's for dinner. This eliminates unknown variables that might make them anxious about mealtime. Kids and teens with ADHD struggle with enough anxiety in their lives; knowing what's next on the menu takes away unnecessary anticipation and worry. They might also plan accordingly - perhaps avoiding a similar meal at lunchtime.

5. Better yet, let them have a say in what's on the menu.

If your child or teen helps create the menu, then they're more likely to want to eat what's on it. Chances are, not everyone in the family agrees on the same food preferences. You will likely have to compromise and agree to mix things up. If there is a food you all love and crave every week, like pizza, then consider having a weekly Friday Pizza night! Transforming dinnertime into an ADHD family tradition is fun and promotes family bonds. Weekly family meetings are a perfect time to discuss ideas for upcoming meals. Collaborating on meals takes pressure off of planning and shopping for meals on your own. It also leads to a happier outcome for all and teaches essential living skills. If you're looking for new ideas or inspiration, try looking on Pinterest from saved or new recipes, or dusting off those cook books to pass around. Encourage your kids to notice what they crave throughout the week, too. They can write them down or text them to you. Then, talk about this during your weekly family meeting.

6. Have easy, preferred food options available as back-up.

It helps to know if there's food on the menu that your kid knows they won't like. That way, you won't make more than necessary, and there will be no upsetting surprises. You can prepare (or they can do this themselves) a safe choice ready for them to eat instead. Maybe that's a quick sandwich or an easy, go-to microwave meal.

7. Involve your child or teen in the meal prep process.

If there's time and interest, involve your child or teen with the process of prepping, cooking and serving the meals. This is a great way to get them in the ready-to-eat mindset and teach them how to cook. Their body and mind are excited to eat thanks to the food's aroma and occasional taste. They're also looking forward to relaxing at the table after some physical work. They're ready to jump in as soon as it's ready! Making and serving food is also a time to get creative-- a common strength for people with ADHD! Whether it's trying a different ingredient, cooking it differently, serving it on the dish in a fun design or setting up the table with a new aesthetic, it can help your kid get engaged and lead to a fun, enjoyable meal with your family.

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Read more blog posts:

• ADHD and Negativity: Why ADHD kids and teens say “No” and how to help them communicate
• Create successful neurodiverse family outings today: Time to connect with the great outdoors!
• Post-Pandemic Self-Care for Parents: 12 Tips for Wellness Practices in a New Normal

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/managing-technology-families-video/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

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