Dear Dr. Sharon: Screen Breaks, Boundaries, and Brain Health — A Family Approach to Digital Well-Being
Screens are everywhere—and so is the stress that comes with them. In this Dear Dr. Sharon post, families will explore how to approach screen breaks and digital boundaries in realistic, compassionate ways that support brain health, emotional well-being, and genuine connection for all ages.
Dear Dr. Sharon,
I’ve been thinking a lot about our family’s relationship with screens as we head into the new year. Between phones, tablets, gaming, schoolwork, and my own scrolling habits, it feels like we’re always connected—but not always to each other. I recently read about the mental health benefits of taking a short break from social media, and it made me wonder if some kind of family digital detox could actually help us all feel calmer and more present.
At the same time, I’m realistic (and a little nervous). I don’t want this to turn into constant arguments, power struggles, or my kids feeling punished or cut off from their friends. And honestly, I’m not sure I could do a full detox myself without feeling stressed or disconnected.
Is there a way to approach a family digital detox that supports mental health and connection—without it feeling extreme or like just another thing we try and “fail” at as a family?
-Elaine, California
Dear Elaine -
First — yes. What you’re feeling is deeply common and totally valid. Screens sit at the intersection of work, school, social life, and downtime these days. Trying to manage them while preserving family peace can feel like herding cats—digital, opinionated cats.
I hear versions of this concern every week in my office, and I’ll be honest: it shows up in my own life too. Even with all the clinical knowledge in the world, I still catch myself reaching for my phone when I’m tired, overstimulated, or looking for a quick mental break. And just like many parents, I’ve had moments where I’ve asked my family to put devices away while realizing mine is still sitting right there in my hand.
That tension doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It simply reflects how embedded technology has become in our daily lives. The goal isn’t to eliminate screens or strive for some idealized version of “screen-free” family life. It’s to notice patterns, talk about them openly, and decide—together—what actually supports connection, regulation, and well-being in your home.
Let’s unpack this together, and I’ll share some steps you can take this year that will prioritize connection first, not just enforcement.
Why Holiday Disruptions Hit ADHD Brains Hard
Children with ADHD and neurodivergence rely heavily on external structure and the predictability of routines to help them regulate attention, emotions, and behavior. When that structure shifts every few days — or every few hours — it can feel like the rug keeps getting pulled out from underneath them.
Several factors come into play:
Changes in routine deplete their regulatory “reserve”: Research consistently shows that children with ADHD have more difficulty with transitions and unexpected changes than their neurotypical peers. One study found that roughly 70% of children with ADHD struggle significantly with flexibility and shifting between tasks. When school days suddenly include assemblies, themed dress-up days, and altered schedules, those challenges multiply.
Excitement and stimulation overload their systems: Holiday events tend to be louder, brighter, and fast-paced. Many children and teens with ADHD show heightened sensitivity to sensory input and have sensory processing challenges. These can intensify reactions to novelty, bright lights and noise.
Emotional regulation gets harder under stress: A large body of research suggests that about 50–75% of youth with ADHD experience challenges with emotional regulation, especially when routines shift or demands increase. What looks like “overreacting” is often a sign that their regulatory resources are stretched thin and a signal that they lack effective tools to manage themselves.
When you add holiday anticipation on top of that, a child with ADHD and neurodivergence who is typically adaptable may suddenly become overwhelmed, tearful, or argumentative. Not because they don’t want to enjoy the season — but because they can’t access internal anchors that keep them grounded or they lack those skills in the first place
How You Can Support Him at Home
His struggles with transitions and overwhelm do NOT mean that you have to eliminate the fun and the spontaneity of the holiday season. Instead, the goal is to create some type of familiar predictability within all the shifting schedules. A few targeted adjustments can make a big difference.
1. Routine Reminders
Since schedules can change frequently during the holiday season, start by maintaining basic routines to your day such as regular wake-up times, meals and bedtime. Make sure your days include blocks of time with high and low energy activities so after something exciting like sledding or going shopping, he can downshift and chill out to regroup. Check in with him once in the morning and once in the afternoon if possible to monitor how he is doing. Post the events for various days on a family calendar in the kitchen that he can check any time. Verbal AND visual cues are key for kids with ADHD in general but they are especially useful to reduce the chaos of this season.
You might also try writing “What’s different today?” on the refrigerator or a dry erase board. List items such as a holiday party, dinner at Grandma’s or a school concert that differ from his typical schedule. Remind him that the plan for the day is posted there and he can check it for himself. This helps somebody prepare for transitions, improve organization and nurture independence.
2. Build in recovery time after stimulating events.
For neurodivergent kids, it can be difficult under regular circumstances to control their impulses and regulate emotions. This is doubly tough during the holidays when everything is at full tilt. If you know he’s coming home from a party or celebration, assume he’ll need space to decompress — not punishment for being dysregulated. Think of it as a buffer between environments. In a quiet moment, sit down with him and make a list of calming activities. Then post this in the kitchen and his bedroom. Low-demand activities include:
-Playing cards or a game
-Listening to or playing music
-Spending time outside
-Exercise or physical activity
-Taking A shower or bath
-Reading a book, magazine or doing Sudoku or puzzle
-Playing with a family pet
3. Keep expectations simple and clear.
When a child is already stretched thin, multi-step tasks or vague directives can push them over their threshold. Break instructions into small, concrete steps, and give one at a time if needed. This reduces misunderstandings and prevents power struggles. Sometimes it helps to ask them to repeat the instructions back to you so you can be sure of understanding.
Plan a time to have a family discussion about “holiday house rules.” It’s okay to give your kids more time to sleep in or stay up a bit later at night or have a small amount of extra screen time. Whatever you decide, be SUPER-Specific and write things down. Review guidelines of behavior for what’s okay and what’s to be avoided at the homes you are visiting. For example, "At Grandma’s house, we don’t jump on the couch," or, "Uncle Bill doesn’t hear very well so it’s okay to talk loudly with him.”
4. Make room for mixed emotions.
It’s easy to assume holidays = excitement. But for many neurodivergent kids, excitement and anxiety travel together. If your son feels conflicted, validating those feelings with supportive statements such as “This week has a lot going on — it makes sense that your body feels jumpy right now.” These can help him settle. Take some time to talk with him about the physical cues of anxiety in his body. Does he have balled fists, clenched teeth, sweaty palms, etc. that could signal its time for a breather? What are some of those recovery activities that could help him slow down and regroup?
WRAPPING IT UP
December brings many changes in activities and expectations that can be especially challenging for neurodivergent kids and adults alike. The combination of excitement, unpredictability, and sensory intensity can overload a child who thrives on structure and familiarity. It may overwhelm you as a parent too.
Offering consistency and opportunities for recovery time will lessen the emotional swings for everybody. These breaks help kids and parents participate in the parts of the season they truly enjoy with time to recuperate. Sometimes your son may need to stay home from something because he’s had too much. That’s okay. Decide in advance which events are ‘have-to’s’ and which can be ‘maybe’s’. Give your son and your family the breathing room everybody may need to make this holiday season fun and manageable. With the right scaffolding and a few targeted adjustments, your family can experience the joy, connection and meaningful traditions that you all enjoy with more ease!
Warmly,
Dr. Sharon
