Teens, ADHD and Procrastination
Many teens with ADHD procrastinate and appear to lack self-discipline. Why? Sometimes they have anxiety around how to approach the task, how to complete the task or possible outcomes of failure or rejection. Sometimes they have perfectionistic tendencies that require energy and focus and can delay them wanting to start a task. On the other hand, they may struggle with motivation and/or confidence because they have either given up on themselves or have received messages that the adults in their lives have given up on them. Other times, they can't come up with any solutions to help them feel motivated for self-discipline. So how do you know what's really going on with your teen's ADHD and procrastination, and how can you support them? Let's dive in.
Teens with ADHD: Independent?
Teens with ADHD can push back extra hard because they have heard countless times over the years about what they don't do right. Argh! It takes courage each day to go to school. They often don't feel successful academically and, even if they are, they are still immersed in challenges.
Teens with ADHD tend to want to do most things themselves. They want autonomy and to put parents on an "as needed" basis. They're learning more about themselves and are interested in leaning more into their social groups and communities. Yet, they still rely on parents for safety, security and support. Striving for connected independence often works best.
Ask. Collaborate
In this discussion on ADHD and procrastination, I want to highlight the 3rd of my 5 C's of ADHD Parenting.- Collaboration
Collaboration: Work together with your child and co-parent (if you have one) to find solutions to daily challenges instead of imposing your rules on them.
It can be hard, sometimes really hard, not demanding, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you finish a simple worksheet!" These reactions are hurtful and are often based in exhaustion, when our proverbial cups are less than half full. Take time, when you both are feeling calm and ready to talk, to connect with your teen instead, and listen to what they have to say about their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Ask, as an Unbiased Researcher
"What's happening so that you can't do X, Y, Z?"
Now we can look at data and address changes that can help motivate our teen AND help change their inner dialogue.
Understand Shame

What is the leading cause of wanting to do everything themselves? Shame.
"I was embarrassed that I had a disability. I didn't want to be seen as someone who needed extra help."
"Let me do it myself. I don't like people seeing me as weak."
You may not see shame. Instead, you might feel their anger, see their tears, or hear yelling about something unrelated.
Procrastination and Initiation
What it the biggest reason teens with ADHD struggle with procrastination? They often have trouble getting started. What may seem easy to us, may seem enormous to people with ADHD. They can be masters of avoidance. "Why start it if I can't ......?"
Initiation has to do with the size of the task, their interest in the task (dopamine reward), and the level of difficulty for the task. Breaks make a daunting project seem more manageable.
Start Small
Executive functioning challenges that often accompany ADHD and impact procrastination include struggles with initiation, planning and time management. Breaking down assignments into chunks makes tasks seem much more manageable -- making them easier to approach and get started. This also helps teens plan out the steps into a series of smaller tasks.
Before starting, prepare for how long they can realistically focus. For instance, ask, "How many examples can you do before you want to throw your book across the room?" Then, they might say, "Five." Start with the number they say, and then take a break.
Jot down the tasks and notes so you can keep track and not worry about remembering any or all of the steps. Write down how long tasks are expected to take, and reflect on how long they actually took. I highly recommend creating your own personal project planner so you can organize your tasks in a creative, visual structure that works for you.
3 Ways to Make Tasks Seem Smaller:
1. Use a timer.
This method makes the task of completing an assignment in that clocks hands, not the parents. "Cool. Okay, let's work for 5 minutes and then take a 3 minute break. I will set the timer for the break. When it goes off, you can do 5 more. When you completed an hour, you can have a longer break."
2. Make lists.
Teens with ADHD and procrastination challenges often have trouble planning what to do -- and when. Sit down and ask, "Do you want to do the hardest first, then medium-difficulty, and then easiest? Or easiest first for a sense of success, and then harder, and medium last?" This works well for homework, chores, etc.
3. Make tasks fun!
Listen to music. (Their preferred music is best!) Tell jokes or stories of fun memories. Time yourselves for how fast you can pick up portions of the room, and make a game of it!
Read more blog posts:
- Parenting Older Teens with ADHD: Land the Helicopter and Focus on Scaffolding
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
- Want better conversations with your child or teen with ADHD? Use the WAIT-Now Method
Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/motivation/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
22 News Mass Appeal: Tips to Make Online Learning Easier
How ADHD Is Diagnosed
This content is excerpted from HealthCentral on How ADHD Is Diagnosed. I am one of the panel experts, along with Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D.Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Rosemarie Manfredi, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist and Certified School Psychologist Let's Talk About How ADHD Is Diagnosed
How ADHD Is Diagnosed. There's no single test that can determine if you or your child has ADHD, but we'll help you get the answers you’re seeking. First, What Exactly Is ADHD?
- Inattention (wandering off task, loss of focus, disorganization)
- Hyperactivity (being in constant motion)
- Impulsivity (acting or speaking without thinking)
People with ADHD may have one of these signs or symptoms, or a combination. Most kids have the type of ADHD that’s a combo of symptoms. More than 6 million children have been diagnosed with ADHD. Roughly 11 million people, or 5 percent of the adult population, have it, too according to a 2016 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Who Diagnoses ADHD?
ADHD can't be diagnosed based on a 15-minute checkup. A proper ADHD diagnosis involves interviews with the person and their parents or other loved ones—and teachers, if applicable. There are checklists, observations, official questionnaires and a medical evaluation, too. Before calling on a trained ADHD expert, know this: Only medical professionals, like physicians and nurse practitioners, can perform a thorough physical evaluation to rule out other possible medical causes of ADHD-like symptoms. As part of a complete check-up, you or your child should get a vision and hearing test. Your physician may also screen for brain injuries, such as a concussion, and look for an underlying seizure or sleep disorder. In rare cases, individuals with ADHD-like symptoms may have thyroid dysfunction. If this is suspected, a blood panel may be ordered. At the same time, other conditions can masquerade as—or coexist with—ADHD. These include:
- Developmental delays
- Autistic spectrum disorder
- Learning disabilities
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Trauma
- Bipolar disorder
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the majority of children diagnosed with ADHD also meet the diagnostic criteria for another mental health disorder. These types of issues are normally screened for during the next step of the ADHD diagnosis process: The comprehensive evaluation (also called a comprehensive assessment).
Read more in HealthCentral for information on:
Where Can I Get an Evaluation?
What’s a Comprehensive Evaluation for ADHD?
The Diagnostic Interview
Standardized Behavior Rating Scales
Interview With VIPs
DSM-5 Symptom Checklists
Are There Other Tests for ADHD?
What About School Evaluations?
What Are the Chances of a “False Positive” or a Misdiagnosis?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS about ADHD Diagnosis
Read the HealthCentral Article
Additional Resources:
https://drsharonsaline.com/2020/10/02/video-going-back-to-school-w-dr-sharon-saline-debbie-reber/
ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 tips for learning success
Has your ADHD teen hit a wall with remote learning? Many teens with ADHD in middle and high school are struggling with organization, initiation, time management and a limited capacity for self-evaluation. It’s tough as a parent of a teen to know how much involvement is appropriate and when it’s too much. Independent school work--whether it’s attending remote classes or doing homework--require most, if not all, of kids’ developing executive functioning skills. These skills need to be taught directly, and your teen can’t learn them on their own, despite whatever pushback they show you. Today I’m going to discuss how to strengthen a few of the key executive functioning skills needed for school success.
Collaborate with your ADHD teen about remote learning practices, and make a plan together.
First and foremost, you’ll need to co-create a plan with effective interventions to build these skills with less arguing. The key to creating any programs and having them last is to collaborate with your teen.
- Set a time for a weekly family meeting.
- At the meeting, pick ONE skill to address that you both agree on.
- Then, brainstorm solutions and include at least one of their ideas in your new plan.
- Prepare to tweak this plan at your weekly chat. As you live with some of these changes, they will likely need to be adjusted.
Finally, remember to validate and acknowledge ANY cooperation and progress towards the goal. When you notice their efforting, kids feel encouraged and will keep trying.
5 tips to help ADHD teens with remote learning challenges:
1. Prepare ADHD teens for the remote learning process
While you’re probably not trained as a teacher, and you may not understand the algebra that your teen is learning, you can still set up the home as a meaningful learning environment. Take some time to understand the online school platform. Make sure your teen does, too. They are agile with the internet, but not perhaps with the intricacies of this site.
Tip: Establish appropriate expectations.
Most teachers are very good at letting their students know what they anticipate from them. You must do the same thing.
If your teen has trouble with completing and submitting their work, set up a routine with the expectation that, at the end of doing homework, you see their finished work and confirm that it’s been uploaded correctly. Provide regular check-ins: ask if they are stuck on something and, if you can’t help them, brainstorm who can.
2. Organization:
Everything needs a place and that includes online materials. When a student attends school in-person, they have materials such as pencils or pens, notebooks, workbooks and textbooks. They store papers and worksheets for classes in folders or files. These materials may be messy or neat, but there’s usually some type of system.
Tip: Manage digital information in a systematic way.
Teens with ADHD need a similar storage system for remote learning: files and folders that are clearly marked and accessible for class materials, separate browsers for school and fun stuff and calendars for what’s due when.
These calendars can be digital or paper or both. A weekly online calendar with color blocks of what’s happening when, a whiteboard that changes weekly or a paper calendar with Post-Its of tasks will provide a map for your teen of what to do. Give extra time for organizing materials and work with what systems make sense to your teen (by color, subject, numerical, etc.)
3. Initiation:
Many teens with ADHD struggle with initiation and are excellent procrastinators. They simply can't start with unpleasant or intimidating tasks, either because of the quantity of the task or its content. If something seems too overwhelming and unpleasant, they can’t get started due to three different types of procrastination:
-
- Perfectionism (“It’s got to be just so”)
- Avoidance (“I hate this”)
- Productive (“I’ll do something I like that I have to do instead of the important thing”).
Tip: Help ADHD teens with remote learning assignments by breaking them down and using incentives.
The greatest barrier to initiation is someone’s perception of the task. Most teens with ADHD can see the value of completing tasks, but they may well lack the interest, skill or focus to do it. Make tasks small enough that beginning them is within your teen’s reach. Instead of doing five math problems, start with one.

If your teen doesn’t understand the remote learning material, arrange regular help sessions with the teacher.
To promote follow through, set up timed work periods based on how long your teen can focus before distraction impacts their productivity. For example, maybe they work for 15 minutes, take a planned 5 minute break and work for another study period with another short break, and a final push before a bigger incentive/reward for their efforts.
3. Time management:
It’s very common for people with ADHD to experience time-blindness. They wrestle with how to feel and understand time. This challenge makes it harder for kids to estimate how long something will take and what they can do in a certain amount of time. This misunderstanding of time affects their capacity for organization and motivation. Luckily, time responds very well to direct instruction.
Tip: Make time physical, and use external alerts.

Use analogue clocks or timers to show kids how time moves. Instead of guessing about time, collect information by putting on your scientist’s cap. Post a simple chart of a few dreaded tasks, a guess about how long they will take and then a measurement of the amount of time it actually took. For three days, ask your teen (or work with them) to keep track of these, Then review your findings and adjust your weekly/daily calendar accordingly.
4. Self-evaluation:
Self-evaluation, also known as metacognitive awareness, is the last executive functioning skill to coalesce. Often, this happens in the mid-to-late twenties for people with ADHD. The term self-evaluation refers to the abilities for self-understanding, judgment and decision-making. It’s critical to develop this capacity for self-reflection as children mature. Teens who are naturally more self-focused are primed for this process. Better self-awareness fosters the academic and social competence they’ll need for adulthood. When kids understand what kinds of learners they are, they are more likely to feel more confident in their abilities and solve problems more effectively. This is important for adapting to new situations, such as teens with ADHD adjusting to remote learning.
Tip: Ask open-ended questions to guide self-reflection.
Instead of telling your teen what they’re not aware of, or how they could do something differently, ask them questions such as:
-
-
- “What’s helped you before that you could apply to this situation?”
- "What are some other choices you could make in the future in a similar experience?”
- “When facing something that you dislike, what's one strategy that works to get you started?”
-
Share some of your observations if they are stuck.
Read more blog posts:
- At-Home Learning with ADHD: Creating an ADHD-friendly learning environment
- Feeling overwhelmed by something? Break it down!
- Return to School with ADHD: Tips on Helping Anxious Kids Transition Smoothly
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
- ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)
Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
ExQ Infinite Know How: Confident and Curious Webinar
Message to Tween, Teens and Young Adults During Covid
This can be a tough time for emerging adults.
Seven months into the pandemic, and things are still "far from normal". You’ve lost so much of what was familiar, valued and fun in your lives--being on campus and attending in-person classes, socializing with peers, working, romantic relationships, etc. It’s natural to feel sad, lonely, anxious, frustrated and disappointed. These are some comments I hear from my clients: "I can't do anything!" "School is now only Zoom. ,All the good stuff is gone, and all we do now is work." If your parents or other family members are pressuring you to do more, be happy and act grateful for what you have, it’s really important that you let them know how you feel. You’re struggling a bit. You need empathy not criticism. Consider saying something like: “This has been a hard time for me and most people my age. I’m doing the best I can to shift and accommodate the changes but some days it’s tougher than others.”
Don't Struggle Alone
Contact your primary care provider or your college’s counseling services to get the names of mental health practitioners if you find that you’re:
- sad or anxious most days
- lonely and need someone to talk to
- your sleep or appetite are disrupted (too much or not enough)
- have trouble concentrating or taking pleasure in activities that you once enjoyed overusing alcohol or drugs
Ask for Help
Ask your parents if they can assist you in finding someone to talk to which can be intimidating and complicated for many young adults. Try telling them: “I think it would be good for me to find someone to talk to. I don’t want to worry you. I just have some things on my mind that I’d like to sort out.” Since untreated anxiety leads to depression and persistent depression is a debilitating condition, get some help now before things take a more serious turn.
Don't give up. Something good is around the corner, promise! Learn more about School and Learning
22 News Mass Appeal: Four ways to support students doing remote or hybrid learning
- Acknowledge the ups and downs of the current time and validate their feelings.
- Brainstorm new approaches to get what your student needs for success
- Schedule off-screen time to help alleviate online burn-out
- Make time for family fun
Click logo below to read more.
22 News Mass Appeal: Understanding and managing the anxiety of returning to school
CHADD Webinar: "Off You Go!" Helping Your Teen Navigate The Transition From High School To The Next Chapter
Additude Mag: Distance Learning Meets ADHD (Again): Smooth the Transition Back to Remote Schooling
The Enrollment Management Association: The Big Pivot: Preparing Your Community for an Unusual Back-to-School Transition
22 News Mass Appeal: Understanding and managing the anxiety of returning to school
How to Nurture Yourself When Preparing for Back to School
It’s essential for parents and caregivers to take care of themselves during these times because we’re talking about a marathon, not a sprint. When you listen to the talk on an airplane about oxygen masks, you’re told to put one on yourself first and then on a child. It’s the same principle here. Factoring in self-care to an already full life of work, family and now hybrid learning can be complicated. In fact, it’s usually the first thing to go out the window when people are stressed when it should be one of the last. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Exercise, nutrition and emotional support are key elements to helping you run this long, arduous race. Here are a few tips:
- Get some physical exercise: Not only will your body and your brain benefit enormously from the endorphins that exercise produces but you will also feel less resentful because you’ve done something good for yourself in the midst of all of the stress in your list. Make a list of two types of activities you could actually do: one at home and one before or after school. For the first list, include taking the stairs or seated/wall yoga poses to do when you need a break. For the second list, identify times and activities of exercise that you ENJOY and want to do. Decide how often you can do something and put it on your calendar with a reminder alarm. The goal is to use your body to help you let go of stress, not to get into the best shape of your life.
- Eat well: Many parent are tired of cooking and shopping so you may have limited food selections or they’re not what you desire. You need fuel for this marathon so make a list of healthy snacks to purchase the next time you go to the grocery store.
- Ask your friends for assistance: People who care about you often feel confused about how to help you so they’re happy to do lend an ear, or bring dinner. When I ask a friend how I could help, she asked me to go to Trader Joe’s and buy her a container of dark chocolate pecan candies. I was so happy to do this. For the next six months I bought her a package of the candies. My friend was very appreciative, and even though it was a small thing, I felt like I was easing her burden in some way.
- Meditation: Take some each evening before bed or each morning as you awaken to be with yourself. Guided meditations on Apps such as Headspace, Mindful or Insight Timer can be a great way to start or end your day (or both) with a sense of personal calm, insight and hope. This internal spacial-ness will assist you as you deal with the chaos of caretaking.
At-Home Learning with ADHD: Creating an ADHD-friendly learning environment
Studying in bed? Doing homework on the couch while watching television? Hybrid and remote learning are challenging for so many kids and parents. If you want your child or teen with ADHD to show up for their remote classes with focus and concentrate on their homework/classwork, they’ve got to have a designated study space. For many students with attention or learning challenges, going to class in their rooms with their doors closed may well mean that they are multitasking, distracted and switching from school to social media or gaming. Despite their pushback and complaining, they need an ADHD-friendly environment to help them thrive with at-home learning with ADHD.
School is still in session.
While it’s important to empathize with your kids' boredom or frustration, you’ve also got to make sure they can get their work (or some of their work) done each day.

In addition to establishing a thoughtful daily plan, you can facilitate academic focus and participation by putting together a home study spot. These study spaces don’t have to break the bank. What’s most important is that you’re clarifying what it means to be working versus what it means to be off-duty and where this activity will occur. When kids with ADHD and learning challenges have routines and areas that are dedicated to learning, it’s easier to begin and stick with academic tasks.
Of course, you can’t reproduce school at home. But you can set up an environment that mimics school as much as possible. This aids kids to enter a space that is conducive to thinking and study while simultaneously fosters the organization of their materials, books and technological devices. Remember, you’re entitled to having IEP and 504 accommodations during this time, so ask your school for any resources or tips you may need.
Create a supportive at-home learning environment for kids and teens with ADHD:
1. Create a weekly family meeting.
This is a time to discuss expectations, concerns, review routines and study plans and explore options for things that aren’t working. When you have a weekly meeting, everybody knows that they talk about what they like and what they don’t at a specific time just for that purpose. Some families do this twice a week for shorter discussions; others do it once a week for longer check-ins. Brainstorm what will work with your kids: when they participate in creating a plan, they’ll have more buy-in. Of course, as the parent, you get to make the final decision but please take their opinions into consideration.
2. Make a daily routine and post it.
Kids with ADHD especially benefit from some structure and knowing what to expect. Break up the day into blocks of time forgoing to classes, studying on their own (worksheets, projects, assignments), movement and snack breaks, lunch, going outside, homework, chores and fun screen time.

Be as specific or general depending on what suits your child or teen. Some kids like having activity periods and they can choose what to do from an agreed upon list; others like a more predictable plan. There's no one-size fits all for at-home learning with ADHD.
Whatever you choose, post write it down and post it in the kitchen and in their bedroom. Visual reminders are key for these alternative learners. Try to work alongside your kids or in their presence so it’s clear that certain blocks of time are family work time. Then you can observe their level of participation, take breaks together or offer academic support.
3. Name a study space and personalize it.
Whether it’s the same spot at the kitchen table, a folding tray that you set up each morning or a desk in a common office, decide where your child will study. Make sure your kids have headphones and are separated into different rooms or different areas of the same room.
Consider getting desk dividers if you have more than one child at home are they are sharing a table. Adjust their screen height so it’s at eye level to avoid neck and back pain, the brightness to reduce eye strain and make sure their feet can reach the floor so they are grounded.
Put together a special storage space like a locker for their books, notebooks or other supplies: use a plastic box, milk crate or make a cubby. This will help them organize their stuff. Discuss how they can personalize or decorate their home study space to make it more comfortable and inviting.
4. Foster time management.
Kids with ADHD often struggle with time blindness. They don’t understand what time feels like, and they’re not aware how to keep track of it. Purchase an analogue clock or timer to teach them this skill. They
need to see time move to grasp it.
Help kids engaged in at-home learning who have ADHD use technology to their advantage--set up alerts and alarms on their phones, or use banners on their devices as reminders. Put these clocks and timers in their study space.
If your child or teen has trouble with time management or completing assignments, talk to the school and ask for assistance.
5. Practice empathy.
Just as it is hard for you to get things done at home sometimes, it’s even harder for your child or teen. Instead of anger and resentment, go with compassion. Most kids don’t want to learn from home any more than you want them there.
In those tough moments, manage yourself before dealing with your son or daughter. When you’re calmer, you can be more open and caring towards them. They simply don’t have the mature brain that you do to process all of this disappointment, isolation and distress.
If they are getting upset, they are showing you that they lack the personal resources needed for the task at hand.Acknowledge their frustration first; problem-solve later. Your empathy will go a long way to diffusing the intensity of their situation and build deeper, lasting connections.
Read more blog posts:
- ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 tips for learning success
- Back to School with ADHD and COVID Uncertainty (again)
- Returning to School with ADHD: Tips on helping anxious kids transition smoothly
Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:
- How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
- ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
- Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)
Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/
Prepare Now to Transition to In-Person School
Online Schooling has relieved anxiety for some -
Learning from home has been a pleasant relief for many students who struggle socially at school or have extreme anxiety. The various triggers that going to school presents for them have been eliminated. Online school offers limited peer and adult contact with less pressure to perform in casual conversations. Plus, kids are able to regulate their connections with others--who, what, where and how--which further reduces social anxiety.
Transitioning to In-Person School -
When thinking about transitioning to in-person school, parents of kids who have been thriving at home need to consider this issue of control. Many kids who struggle socially feel forced to interact with peers or adults on terms that don’t work for them and at times that are more frequent than they would otherwise choose. They will feel heightened anxiety by the prospect of having to endure or perform in these situations again. As parents, you have to help them remember other times of success in their lives--times when they were able to overcome their nervousness and do something anyway. Anxiety creates amnesia about these successes so we’ve got to bring them into awareness. Brainstorm or review with your son or daughter previous experiences and how they can apply those skills to the current situation. Write these down so you can refer to them in the future.
Role-Play Now -
Practice a few phrases that your child or teen can say in common interactions with peers. Talk about their primary concerns and brainstorm responses. For example, if they are feeling overwhelmed to respond and don’t know how, identify a sentence or two they can use such as “I’m not sure. Let me think about it and get back to you.” Role-plays are very helpful for learning what to say, remembering those words and building confidence. The more general the response, the easier it will be for them to recall and use the phrases. Sometimes kids can overfocus on what to say exactly and when to say it. We want to give them a tool that’s appropriate in several situations so they don’t feel more anxiety about remembering which sentence they need to use.
Psychology Today: Graduating Seniors with ADHD
Navigating Re-integration for Kids with ADHD: Four Essential Tips
As things start to open up, we are now faced with dozens of new challenges. Kids want to see their friends, go to carry-out restaurants, be outside and have some fun. How can they safely socialize with peers, play outdoors or visit with extended family? For tweens and teens who are eager to experience “freedom” from parents, how can you monitor what they’re doing to make sure they are safe without being overly intrusive or micromanaging their activities? Kids with ADHD who struggle with impulsivity, emotional control and sound judgment have higher risks for abandoning their masks and social distancing guidelines in the service of doing what feels good RIGHT NOW. This is worrisome but actually manageable. The keys to successfully re-integrating are starting to re-engage slowly (with supervision) and keeping the COVID safety rules clear and simple. Despite our desires to go back to ‘normal’ life, there’s still a lot of uncertainty in our world. Without a vaccine, wide-range testing and public cooperation around safety precautions, there remains a high risk for all of us in terms of contagion, even if the nice spring weather fools us into thinking we are safe. This means that there’s no real rush to re-integrate except in our kids’ minds. They are so fed up with being isolated, attending school online and missing their friends.
It’s hard normally for kids with ADHD to be patient: now, it’s almost impossible. They want aspects of their lives back and you also want them to. It’s just a question of how, what and when. Plus, transitioning back into the world when there’s no dependable solution for combatting or managing COVID-19 is naturally anxiety-provoking. For kids with ADHD and anxiety, this can feel overwhelming. Collaboration is the key to a successful transition for your family. Work together to create a plan that opens your family up in ways that feel safe to you but include some of their ideas and desires. As the adult, of course, you have the final say. Strategize with them about how to re-integrate in stages, so they can exercise their needs for autonomy and you can see if they are following your guidelines.
Here are four tips for easing this transition in your family:
Use guided free choice:
Many kids, especially tweens and teens, really want some authority over their lives after having no space from their parents. Brainstorm ideas about how to transition and stay open to their ideas. Narrow these down to solutions you agree on. Create a list of appropriate activities and behaviors. Let them pick one of these to try. When kids exert choices over their lives, they feel a greater sense of maturity and responsibility. We want to nurture this right now. If they can’t follow through or refuse to work with you, then they are showing you that they aren’t ready for the freedom they say that they want. Going out and being with other people is an earned privilege.
Start slowly:
It will take some time to build your trust of their consistency and follow-through on your agreements. Decide in advance how you can monitor their actions without being a helicopter parent. Consider trying social interactions where you can see them: in your backyard, going to a park together, outside on the front steps. Are they wearing a mask? Are they staying six to eight feet apart? You can review how things went afterwards and appreciate their efforts when they cooperate.
Share important facts:
This generation has the world at their fingertips. They can research anything they want to know and often they do. But they are also susceptible to misinformation and rumors. Stay informed about the latest COVID safety recommendations and how the virus is spread.
Share these basic facts with your kids (and the sources with tweens and teens who may doubt you). This will help reduce their anxiety and give you a chance to answer their questions. Talk about what recommendations make sense for your family, regardless of what other people are doing. Remind them that people have different levels of comfort with risk and we need to respect that.
Plan for setbacks:
Rather than being surprised when kids violate your guidelines and beginning World War 3, predict and explore the difficulties you foresee. Ask them to do the same. Discuss possible consequences for their choices in terms of accountability and learning new skills. If your teen son drives other kids in his car without your permission, even if they kept their masks on, then maybe he’s not ready to drive alone yet.
He’ll need to sanitize the car and have friends over the backyard for a week or two to hang out until he re-establishes your trust. If your sixth grader goes rollerblading and you spot her whizzing by without her mask, then maybe she’s not ready for excursions to the park like that and has to practice activities with her mask on. Be prepared for times when your son or daughter comes up with the most creative ways to work around the rules as only kids with ADHD can do. If this happens, take a deep breath, wait to respond until everybody’s cooled down and then have a calm conversation. Go back to your agreement and review the family’s guidelines. Hang in there. With your practice, you'll figure this out! 





