Want a summer of sanity? Here are five tips for living better with your ADHD kids today!

With some schools already closed and others finishing up for the summer, parents of kids with ADHD are all asking the same question: What do we do now? Most in-person camps and activity programs have been cancelled and many families have lost necessary childcare, much-anticipated vacations and fun social gatherings. Instead, you are facing weeks of more time spent sheltering-in-place, supervising your children and teens while trying to work from home or scrambling to find safe alternatives so you can go to your job. You’re tired, they are bored and everyone is frustrated. What are your options for salvaging your summer? Before doing anything else, offer empathy to your kids for their disappointment. They’ve lost a lot and kids with ADHD, who tend to have a low frustration tolerance anyway, are particularly  worn down. They can be more reactive, less cooperative and increasingly discouraged about their isolation from friends and family. Children and teens are fed up and you are the likely target. The more you try to enforce safe guidelines for preventing exposure to COVID-19, the angrier they can get. They just want it to be over. Other kids are very anxious about re-connecting with the outside world in spite of taking adequate safety precautions. Listen to their concerns and opinions, validate their experiences and acknowledge their positions. When kids feel seen and heard, they are much more willing to work with you rather than against you.  Collaboration and consistency are the keys to a successful summer for all of you. When you work together on brainstorming ideas, try out possible solutions and aim for steadiness rather than perfection, you can make this challenging situation work. Set up a time for a weekly family check-in. It doesn’t have to be long but everybody needs to participate. Motivate reluctant teens to join you by offering this as a solution to unwanted conflict and ‘nagging.’ These discussion will give you a space to review what’s been happening and tweak plans instead of dealing with spontaneous arguments where nothing can be reasonably discussed.  Now that you’ve got that piece in place here are five tips for your transition to summer: 

1. Create a daily routine: Divide the day into chunks of time and allocate these periods to various activities including exercise, projects, screen time and rest. Include meals and snacks. This doesn’t have to be rigid but it needs to be consistent. Think like a camp counselor. For example, maybe there’s wake up by 9, breakfast, getting dressed, activity period #1, snack, activity period #2, lunch, quiet time for reading or listening to music--something that promotes calm, activity period #3, screen time, dinner, family game or television show, bath or shower, pajamas and lights out by 10.
2. Use guided free choice: Give the choice between 2 options during the activity periods that you come up with together. When kids with ADHD can make decisions about what they do, they feel more empowered and have more buy-in. Generate a list of possibilities and then assign two to each activity period. Ideas can include: projects they can do with their hands including crafts, building models or constructing a fort, riding bikes, gardening or just playing in the yard, making a movie, recording a song, playing music, any sports, drawing, painting something including a piece of furniture for fun, cooking, taking action to help others, interactive screen time like visiting a museum, zoo or aquarium, doing puzzles, playing with building blocks or Lego, online games like Fortnite or Dungeons and Dragons, etc. Stick with what engages them and schedule their screen time for the afternoon as much as possible. This is when kids tend to flail around the most, especially as their medications wear off.
3. Worry less about the ‘summer slide’: Your son or daughter needs a break from school for the next few weeks. They’ve been slogging through with online learning that’s probably been unpleasant and difficult for them. Take a month off. While reading texts and writing messages may seem fruitless, kids are still reading  and writing. You can put free reading into the daily schedule and let them pick the materials including the sports page in the newspaper, graphic novels or any text of interest. Maybe they like to play Soduku or do word searches. These are all ways that they are using academic skills. After they’ve had enough time to recover, if you want to add some studying time to the summer schedule you can but keep it limited to a few times per week for no more than two hours.  
4. Foster family technology and/or social media breaks: If you don’t put your phones or computers down, your kids won’t either. They will call out your “hypocrisy” and get angry that you can answer your phone or be online and they can’t. If you must leave your device on for work emergencies, then make that very clear and keep it on vibrate in your pocket. Figure out a time each day or each week when everyone goes screen free. Meals are a good place to start. The goal is to create a family ritual that encourages engagement away from texting and social media. 
5. Arrange and discuss safe social interactions: Kids with ADHD need very explicit guidelines for practicing social distance with peers and family members. Take a tape measure and show them what six feet looks like. Explain the basic science of why and how COVID-19 is so contagious and the risks that exist not only for them but for others too. Talk about how and where children and teens can safely hang out with friends--a park, a driveway or a backyard. Help younger kids set up get-togethers and offer assistance to teens if they are struggling. Work with them to find safe and fun outlets and activities to connect with peers. The other day I saw four teen boys playing frisbee in the park with masks and gloves. I was very impressed! 

This summer is uncharted territory for all of us. Make sure that you get some time for self-care too. Take a rest period for grounding yourself when your kids are taking theirs--even if it’s just five minutes for a cup of tea, some yoga stretches or a catnap. You need to regenerate this summer too!

Live Life Clearly Podcast EP 19: Conflict Resolution With Kids During Quarantine

Today is an interview with Dr. Sharon Saline.  She teaches us how to communicate and negotiate with our kids and teens by using Reflective Listening and giving them a sense of autonomy through Directed Free Choice.  We discuss how to get on the same page as your partner and meet in the middle with struggles you may be having during through the quarantine. Click logo below to read more.

Psych Central: How to Help Your Family Cope with Numbness and Isolation During COVID-19

Do you notice that your child or teen is feeling more frustrated and hopeless as the shelter-in-place directive continues? I’m hearing from so many families that things seem to be getting increasingly worse. With thousands of schools switching their grading systems to Pass/Fail, many kids are doing the minimal amount of homework to get by. Some may not be keeping up with hygienic routines. Others have reverted to less mature coping skills, erupting and arguing more than they typically do. What can you do to combat their numbness, hopelessness or regressive behaviors? Click logo below to read more.

22 News Mass Appeal: Advice on finding the right therapist for your child

(Mass Appeal) – This pandemic has put children through a lot emotionally. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline, of DrSharonSaline.com, joins us with advice on finding a therapist for your child if they are struggling. Dr. Saline says first parents must determine what’s typical behavior and what’s not – violence, extreme anxiety and talk of self harm should be considered out of the ordinary. The next step is to contact your pediatrician and ask them about referrals. The client-therapist relationship is very important, so make sure you set up a time to interview the therapist online. Dr. Saline noted that’s important to give the therapist a chance: the first few sessions are really “get-to-know-you” sessions. Click logo below to read more.

Navigating Re-integration for Kids with ADHD: Four Essential Tips

As things start to open up, we are now faced with dozens of new challenges. Kids want to see their friends, go to carry-out restaurants, be outside and have some fun. How can they safely socialize with peers, play outdoors or visit with extended family? For tweens and teens who are eager to experience “freedom” from parents, how can you monitor what they’re doing to make sure they are safe without being overly intrusive or micromanaging their activities? Kids with ADHD who struggle with impulsivity, emotional control and sound judgment have higher risks for abandoning their masks and social distancing guidelines in the service of doing what feels good RIGHT NOW. This is worrisome but actually manageable. The keys to successfully re-integrating are starting to re-engage slowly (with supervision) and keeping the COVID safety rules clear and simple.  Despite our desires to go back to ‘normal’ life, there’s still a lot of uncertainty in our world. Without a vaccine, wide-range testing and public cooperation around safety precautions, there remains a high risk for all of us in terms of contagion, even if the nice spring weather fools us into thinking we are safe. This means that there’s no real rush to re-integrate except in our kids’ minds. They are so fed up with being isolated, attending school online and missing their friends. It’s hard normally for kids with ADHD to be patient: now, it’s almost impossible. They want aspects of their lives back and you also want them to. It’s just a question of how, what and when. Plus, transitioning back into the world when there’s no dependable solution for combatting or managing COVID-19 is naturally anxiety-provoking. For kids with ADHD and anxiety, this can feel overwhelming.  Collaboration is the key to a successful transition for your family. Work together to create a plan that opens your family up in ways that feel safe to you but include some of their ideas and desires. As the adult, of course, you have the final say. Strategize with them about how to re-integrate in stages, so they can exercise their needs for autonomy and you can see if they are following your guidelines. 

Here are four tips for easing this transition in your family:

Use guided free choice:

Many kids, especially tweens and teens, really want some authority over their lives after having no space from their parents. Brainstorm ideas about how to transition and stay open to their ideas. Narrow these down to solutions you agree on. Create a list of appropriate activities and behaviors. Let them pick one of these to try. When kids exert choices over their lives, they feel a greater sense of maturity and responsibility. We want to nurture this right now. If they can’t follow through or refuse to work with you, then they are showing you that they aren’t ready for the freedom they say that they want. Going out and being with other people is an earned privilege.

Start slowly:

It will take some time to build your trust of their consistency and follow-through on your agreements. Decide in advance how you can monitor their actions without being a helicopter parent. Consider trying social interactions where you can see them: in your backyard, going to a park together, outside on the front steps. Are they wearing a mask? Are they staying six to eight feet apart? You can review how things went afterwards and appreciate their efforts when they cooperate.

Share important facts:

This generation has the world at their fingertips. They can research anything they want to know and often they do. But they are also susceptible to misinformation and rumors. Stay informed about the latest COVID safety recommendations and how the virus is spread. Share these basic facts with your kids (and the sources with tweens and teens who may doubt you). This will help reduce their anxiety and give you a chance to answer their questions. Talk about what recommendations make sense for your family, regardless of what other people are doing. Remind them that people have different levels of comfort with risk and we need to respect that.

Plan for setbacks:

Rather than being surprised when kids violate your guidelines and beginning World War 3, predict and explore the difficulties you foresee. Ask them to do the same. Discuss possible consequences for their choices in terms of accountability and learning new skills. If your teen son drives other kids in his car without your permission, even if they kept their masks on, then maybe he’s not ready to drive alone yet. He’ll need to sanitize the car and have friends over the backyard for a week or two to hang out until he re-establishes your trust. If your sixth grader goes rollerblading and you spot her whizzing by without her mask, then maybe she’s not ready for excursions to the park like that and has to practice activities with her mask on. Be prepared for times when your son or daughter comes up with the most creative ways to work around the rules as only kids with ADHD can do. If this happens, take a deep breath, wait to respond until everybody’s cooled down and then have a calm conversation. Go back to your agreement and review the family’s guidelines. Hang in there. With your practice, you'll figure this out!

Grown & Flown: Psychologist Offers 5 Ways to Help Reduce Your Family’s Stress and Anxiety

This new “normal” isn’t anything we’re accustomed to. With school closures, social distancing, working from home, job lay-offs and 24/7 family time, everybody is making huge adjustments to the massive disruption wrought by this crisis. While we adults struggle to wrap our brains around these changes, it’s even harder for children and teens who may not understand why they are home. They’re now separated from friends, family, school, and extracurriculars. They feel ripped off and lack a sense of control about their lives. And then there’s the worry. We’re concerned for our loved ones while simultaneously feeling helpless to protect them and ourselves. Click the logo below to read on!

Sheryl's Podcouch Episode 025 - What Your Child with ADHD Wishes You Knew with Dr. Sharon Saline

Dr. Sharon Saline a clinical psychologist in private practice in Massachusetts who is a top expert in how ADHD, learning disabilities and mental health issues affect children, teens and families. Dr. Saline has worked extensively with schools on mental health issues in the classroom, interpreting psychological evaluations and improving teacher/parent communication. Her unique perspective, namely growing up in a household with a sibling who wrestled with untreated ADHD, combined with decades of clinical expertise, assists her in guiding families from the maze of emotions, conflict and stress toward successful dialog, interventions and connection. Click logo below to read more.

Parenting Impossible Podcast EP 50: Making a Long-Term Plan

It’s been months since many of us across the nation have had to change our way of life. It’s a difficult time for everyone, but having a child with special needs comes with additional obstacles. In this edition of Parenting Impossible, Annette speaks with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline. Dr. Saline is a top expert on ADHD, anxiety, learning differences and mental health challenges and their impact on school and family dynamics. Annette and Dr. Saline begin their conversation with a discussion about school cancellations and the added difficulties children with neurodiversity are facing during these unprecedented times. Some of these issues include missing their friends, lacking classroom cues from other students, and harboring feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, and anger. Click logo below to read more and listen.

22 News Mass Appeal: Insight on helping kids cope with insecurity

(Mass Appeal) – The COVID-19 pandemic has turned lives upside down and it’s leaving many kids feeling more and more insecure. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline of DrSharonSaline.com, joined us with advice on helping children remember who they are. First, stated Dr. Saline, is normalize their feelings. Uncertainty is really the norm because we are separated from so many aspects of normal life. It’s reassuring to let them know the feelings they are experiencing are normal. Next, help them recall memories of who they are with pictures and video. They are currently unable to participate in the activities that define them, whether it be school, sports, chess club – all of this is on hold. Looking back on past accomplishments can help them stay in touch with who they are. Finally, pay attention to what they are doing well and don’t skimp on the hugs! Click logo below to read more.

Psychology Today: 5 COVID-19 Survival Tips for Teens and Young Adults with ADHD

Is the continuing COVID-19 shelter-in-place getting you down? Do you feel like you are losing your independent identity and morphing back into a younger self? You are not alone. Many older teens and young adults with ADHD feel increasingly frustrated, lost, worried, or depressed. Unsure of the future and unhappy with the present, it’s hard to know what to do or where to go. Here are some comments I’ve been hearing lately. Do any of these sound familiar? Click logo below to read more.

Improving Time Management COVID Challenges for Kids with ADHD

Now more than ever, it seems like kids of all ages are wrestling with understanding, budgeting and managing their time. One parent tells me: “My 10 year old daughter dawdles for over an hour at night before going to bed. It takes her forever to get ready.” Another one shares: “My teenager will spend hours online gaming or surfing the net. He forgets to eat or use the bathroom.” Sound familiar? In a world of no schedules, kids with ADHD have lost the typical markers for knowing when one thing stops, when something else should begin and how long a task should take. Why do they struggle with time and how can you assist them in improving this key executive functioning skill? Many kids with ADHD develop their sense of time more slowly than their neurotypical peers. Their brains live primarily in the present: whatever is happening now matters most, with little concern for what comes afterwards. As kids mature into young adulthood, they are better able to consider the implications of their current actions with future endeavors, situations and consequences.  But for now, the unhappiness and boredom of the COVID confinement make it incredibly difficult to consider what’s coming down the pike. They are bored and confused, wandering around in a vast expanse of unstructured time.  Start by providing basic structure to their days and using alarms and alerts to mark the beginning and ending of school blocks, snack, water or meal breaks, exercise or outside experiences and socializing. Do this for yourself too. Since stress hits weaker executive functioning skills first, many kids with ADHD are at an additional disadvantage in terms of organization, planning, persistence and time controls. Many of them will overfocus on tasks which further complicates matters. Prolonged periods of hyperfocus actually deplete the glucose centers in the brain, raise cortisol levels and increase internal stress. Taking planned breaks at agreed upon points (anywhere from thirty to ninety minutes depending on age) helps us reset.  Luckily, time management responds extremely well to direct instruction. This means you can work on improving this issue successfully and see progress rather quickly. You’ll need to expect to rely on cueing and make agreements about reminders with your child or teen. We want to improve this skill together based on what makes sense to their unique brains and what you’ve observed about their habits. Follow these tips for teaching your son or daughter how to understand and manage time better: 

1. Externalize time: Kids with ADHD struggle to feel time: they don’t have an internal sense of minutes or hours passing. Use external, analog clocks or a Timed Timer so that kids can see time moving which will lead to them feeling it. 
2. Build awareness about time:  Neutrally point out how their actions relate to time by verbalizing things like “Look at this, cleaning up your toys took five minutes” or “Let’s set the timer and see how long it takes to put on our pajamas and brush our teeth.” Create games to see who can pick up 20 items from their bedroom fastest or who can monitor the timer when the cookies are backing. Model how to refer to clocks to check on the time.
3. Teach estimation skills: Being able to estimate how long something will take is a valuable tool that is never too late to learn. You have to show your kids how to think backwards about time because this is how they can figure out how to plan accordingly. For instance, let’s say they need to be in their online class at 9 a.m. Work backwards, listing the activities they need to do beforehand and guess how long each task will take: getting out of bed (15 minutes), using the bathroom (5 minutes) putting on clothes (10 minutes), brushing their teeth and hair (10 minutes), eating breakfast (15 minutes) and setting up the computer with necessary school items (10 minutes), messing around (10 minutes). If you add these together and subtract 75 minutes from 9 a.m., then you've got to set the alarm at 7:45 am.
4. Consider the Now/Not now brain: Kids with ADHD are engaged in the moment. Whether it’s compelling or tedious, what’s happening now is what they are focused on. Because it’s tough to shift from one thing to another, they face challenges with following alarms, alerts and reminders. Talk with them about how they can make transitions more successfully. Use simple breathing exercises (alternate nostrils or hands on the stomach), body awareness techniques (noticing heart rate or tension) or statements to direct themselves (“I need to stop gaming now. I can return tomorrow” or “I have to begin my math homework but I can take a break in fifteen minutes.” These tools will aid them in leaving one activity and going to something else.

Be patient. Keep these scaffolding tools in place longer than you think. Most of all, cut yourselves and your kids some slack during this strange situation. Some days managing time will go better than others. That's okay! Focus on working together to learn this important skill.

ADDitude Mag: Is My Child’s Distress Normal? Or Do We Need Help?

Pandemic distress may transform from worry and sadness into anxiety and depression when ADHD brains grow frustrated and hopeless over extended isolation and uncertainty. Here, learn how to recognize and respond to troubling signs of mood disorder in your child or teen. Click logo below to read more.

ADDitude Mag: My ADHD Teen Always Blows Me Off — How Do I Get Through to Her?

You see your teen daughter with ADHD making mistakes and want to fix things — or at least let her benefit from your lifetime of learning and insights. But she wants nothing to do with your words or advice — or you. Here’s how to bridge what seems like an impossible gap. Click logo below to read more.

Feeling shut down? How to help your family cope with numbness and isolation during COVID

Do you notice that your son or daughter is feeling more frustrated, down and hopeless as the shelter-in-place directive and online schooling continues? I’m hearing from so many kids and parents that things seem to be getting worse as this confinement continues. With thousands of schools switching their grading systems to Pass/Fail, many kids are doing the minimal amount of homework to get by if not avoiding it altogether. Some may not be showering daily, brushing their teeth or putting on clean clothes. Others have reverted to younger and less mature coping skills, erupting and arguing more while cooperating less than they typically do. What can you do to combat their numbness, hopelessness or regressive behaviors?

The first step is acknowledging their very real losses and emotional pain. Nothing is familiar any more. They’ve had to let go of daily casual peer contact at school, planned social get-togethers, familiarity of learning environments and teacher interactions--the list goes on and on. Without having things to look forward to, they may get enraged or turn inward and shut down or both. This is especially true for kids who’ve had special events like graduation, sports seasons, dance recitals, drama performances and more snatched away from them without warning. You may well be experiencing pushback, non-cooperation and aggression in your family that you haven’t that you thought you’d moved beyond or is completely new. Let’s review common struggles for families and look at some useful tools for dealing with them more effectively:

1. When kids are stressed, anxious and vulnerable, they will act out their concerns with you. A ten year-old boy shared his fear and confusion about living with COVID: "We don't know when and if this is ever going to stop and if we'll have our lives the way we want it. . .No matter how much you try not to think about it, you're still going to focus on it. Like school and stuff but even going on a walk to refresh your brain, you have to wear a mask."  He’s been arguing vociferously with his parents or running to his room, slamming the door and angrily crying more days than not. He doesn’t know how to wrap his brain around what’s going on. Sound familiar?

When kids act out towards their parents, they are showing us with their words and behavior that their emotions have overwhelmed their internal resources to cope. While it’s not pleasant, it is actually a positive thing in one important way. It shows you that they feel both connected and safe enough with you to share feelings that they can neither understand nor manage on their own. Whatever coping mechanisms you’ve helped them develop probably have weakened in the past month or two. Many kids with ADHD (and those without it too) are taking a few big steps backwards based on intense frustration, anxiety and disappointment. This kind of regression is normal during stressful situations. Nonetheless, you shouldn’t tolerate disrespectful, hurtful or inappropriate actions because of their struggles. Tip: Expect their pushback, notice when it occurs and plan for how to deal with it in advance. Avoid crises by planning and predicting issues that seem to trigger distress. Talk to your son or daughter, share your observations about their struggle and put a plan in place to calm things down when they occur. Create a timed break, a short regrouping to discuss how to move forward and then take that action: Use 'Stop, Think, Act.'  2. Support their need for social connection by figuring out ways to contact and engage peers remotely and/or safely in person. Kids have to be able to experience themselves in relation to their friends to nurture their identity and make sense of the world. All of those casual “Hellos” and “How are you doing?” that occur while passing in school hallways, at lunch tables and on the playground contribute to how they see themselves and who they want to become. We have to assist them to reach out and stay in touch which often means you’ll be responsible for helping or supporting them to facilitate these activities. Tip: Try some of these ideas: Zoom sessions for Lego, drawing or games (Monopoly, Clue, Taboo, etc); chalk drawing outside (mark off sections that are 6 feet apart, put on their masks and watch them); tossing a frisbee or baseball with gloves and masks; share a baking project on FaceTime; bike riding with a friend who also has a mask on; group Zoom dinners, playing music or watching a show via screen share; creating videos with individual characters that are assembled by one or two kids. Anything that’s outside the box but still follows safety guidelines.  3. Families are tired of being together and everybody’s nerves are fraying. Neither you nor your child or teen can sometimes get adequate or enough space from each other. A thirteen year-old girl told me “Frankly, I’m sick and tired of them [her parents]. It’s been repetitive for weeks. I’d go anywhere as long as it’s not with them.”  Your kids love you and you them but 24/7 is A LOT OF FAMILY TIME. Everyone needs SOME time apart that isn’t instigated by arguments, tears or blame. Tip: Plan for quiet, alone time each day. Set a specific, timed period in your day for down time. This may or may not include screen time--that’s up to you. It’s best to talk together as family beforehand and list options for each person that make the most sense for them. You can all choose the same option daily or have rotating activities. Do whatever works best.   4. Things feel incredibly monotonous right now. When kids with ADHD and their Now/Not now brains look into an unknown future where things have already been canceled for this school year and summer activities are following suit, it’s very discouraging. Life can seem hopeless and they feel powerless and discouraged. You may well feel like this too. Tip; Think one to two weeks at a time. We really don’t know what will happen next month so let’s try not to focus on the unforeseeable future. Instead, create some simple things to look forward to now. Make specific plans for special, fun things like take-out from a favorite restaurant, home-made sundaes on a Thursday night, breakfast for dinner. Talk with your kids about some of their ideas to mix it up and then include their suggestions.  Hang in there. We are all struggling--kids and adults alike--to embrace our resilience and integrate the strangeness of our lives every day. As one of my mentors used to say, when you get to the end of your rope, make a knot and hold on. I’m certainly gripping the knot on my rope too. .   

22 News Mass Appeal: Advice for dealing with quaran-teens stuck at home and out of school

(Mass Appeal) – Teenagers are having an especially difficult time these days – school is out, many are missing important social events like proms and graduations, and most are in quarantine with their families. Clinical psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline joined us with advice on handling your quaran-teen. First, acknowledge that this is difficult for them. If they are argumentative, note that it is likely an expression of frustration and fear. Dr. Saline also noted it’s important to give them appropriate space and get their input on creating a daily schedule or collaborative plan. Giving them a sense of control over their daily routine is important. Click logo below to read more.

Parenting In The Thick Of It Podcast: My Kid Is Spending All Day In His/Her Bedroom During COVID19

In the work I do with parents it is obvious to me that this is becoming a common pattern and struggle right now and one that many of parents are facing with their tweens and teen - their kids spending ALL.DAY.LONG locked up in their rooms. And it's not healthy nor conducive to a healthy state of mind. But what do we do about this? What can we do? Call in an expert! So that's what I did. Thank you Dr. Sharon Saline for coming to our rescue today to discuss this with me on the show. In this episode we covered so much. Tune in...

Click logo below to listen.

5 Essential Emotional Survival Tips for Families Living with ADHD during Confinement

It’s hard to believe that we’re halfway through April and we are still living in confinement—all around the world. Although you may have established daily routines (and I hope you have because structure is comforting for kids with ADHD), emotions are probably running high. Each day, we face the same persistent stressors: home-schooling kids who are alternative learners, managing screen time, living with social distancing, trying to do your own work and getting chores among other things. While you manage the daily ins and outs well enough, you and your kids likely deal with the emotional fallout related to this situation regularly. Underneath any anger and anxiety lie sadness, disappointment, loss, frustration, and depression. Confusion about when this unpleasant period will end adds to the intensity of these feelings. What can you do to maintain calm, reduce conflict and offer support to your family?

Thinking all of the time about decisions and actions that used to be second nature is exhausting. How do we grocery shop? Who can I talk to and when? When can I get a minute to myself? Living in uncertainty adds to everyone’s fatigue and fosters helplessness. Sitting all day and spending a lot of time on screens may be necessary right now but it increases feeling sluggish and being cranky. We want to nurture an outlook for your son or daughter that encourages tolerating what’s tough without frequently acting out their frustration and hopelessness. Follow these steps to improve your family’s emotional stability and foster resilience:

1. Accept where you are and what you feel: It’s natural for people to have low morale and feel stuck right now. Acknowledge these uncomfortable feelings without trying to fix them. Counter negativity with gratitude. Find one thing your family members appreciate every day, no matter how small: The privilege of eating a yummy dinner, seeing the tulips bloom, riding a bike or playing a game. It’s easy to dismiss what we have in favor of longing for what we don’t. Shift your perspective and help your kids zoom out like a camera to see the bigger picture without dismissing their real feelings about what’s been lost.
2. Expect friction and strategize: When stuck in situations they don’t like and don’t see ending, people will rub each other the wrong way. Instead of expecting unrealistic harmony, plan for friction between siblings, your partner if you have one or other extended family members living at home. In a calm moment or planned family meeting, create two strategies for dealing with conflict: Option one and the back-up plan. Notice the signs when things are escalating and call a time apart for 10-15 minutes to cool down and regroup. Post a list of acceptable activities and tools to use to regain self-control. Build negotiation skills and practice forgiveness tools by relying on reflective listening (“I heard you say X, is there anything else?”) and focusing on moving forward through making amends and right action. What can your kids do for each other that shows they’re sorry rather than just saying it?
3. Control what you can: Limit your exposure to the news by checking it no more than once a day. Things don’t change that much and all of the statistics can be frightening and depressing. Consider past difficulties and write down how you overcame them. Do this with your kids too and post this in the kitchen.  They just may glance at it when they’re having a snack and you can remind them about their survival skills if they don’t. Do something zany that injects some levity into the family and breaks up the monotony of our days. Set up a weekly ice cream or movie night; dance while cleaning up after dinner, dress up in costume for dinner one night. Do anything that brings some joy and laughter to your clan. This is what you can control so go for it.
4. Give people the benefit of the doubt: No child or teen with ADHD wakes up in the morning and thinks “What can I do today that will really irritate my mom or dad?” They are trying their best with the limited resources of their developing brains and executive functioning challenges to get by. Take planned time-aparts: create specific short periods of low stimulation and calm for people to disengage from each other, rest and refuel. Focus on what really matters and shift your standards a bit. Neither kids’ homework nor home cleanliness has to be perfect and previous goals extracurricular activities can be lowered some. It’s okay to make adjustments and then ramp things up when we return to “normal.” We are living in an extended crisis that’s a marathon. Practice compassion for yourself and your kids.
5. Connect with your posse and help your son or daughter do the same: Reach out to a circle of friends and family at specific times rather than checking Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, texts and emails throughout the day. Instead, set a few specific times to do so and then you can really enjoy your connections. We want to reduce media multi-tasking as much as possible which stresses our brain and leads to further exhaustion. Help your kids go for quality in their peer interactions by encouraging contact with one or two people at a time so there’s a better depth to the connection. Seeing caring faces smile back at you reminds you that we are all in this together: you matter to them and they matter to you.

Parenting in the Thick of It Podcast: Is Your Child's Anxiety Escalating During Covid-19?

It can be so hard to be the sounding board for everyone’s worries during this time – it’s stressful for us. At times we can barely contain our own anxiety never mind help our children with theirs. Today on the show, I have Dr Sharon Saline, to discuss how we can handle anxiety during this stressful and challenging time. Tune in. Click logo below to read more.

22 News Mass Appeal: Helping families cope with the emotional toll of Covid-19

(Mass Appeal) – Dealing with the isolation to help stop the spread of Coronavirus can be taxing on adults, but it’s also taking a mental toll on children. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline joins us with her advice on helping kids cope with their anxiety and emotions. Click logo below to watch the video.

Share My Lesson: Daily Schedule for ADHD Families: Remote Learning in the Time of Coronavirus

ADHD Distance Learning: Setting Up for Success The coronavirus outbreak is changing our lives by the moment, but one constant is true: You’re unsure how to manage several weeks of closed schools and social isolation with your children, who happen to have ADHD. The big questions are: What can you do to set up a family plan that fosters more cooperation and less arguing during this unsettled time of COVID-19? How can you devise a plan that you can actually follow and your kids will buy into? We know that kids with ADHD benefit from structure, but what can you realistically pull off? Here is some helpful advice to get you started. Click logo below to read more.