22 News Mass Appeal: Creating order with kids at home by making a schedule

(Mass Appeal) – Children do well with structure and it’s reassuring to work with them on creating a schedule. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline joined us with advice on how to help your kids get happy and organized! Dr. Saline said come from a place of compassion when dealing with your children – if they are acting out, it could be coming from a place of confusion and anxiety. Work with them on creating a schedule that meets their needs and includes time to spent outdoors and being creative. Also make a point to exercise with you kids – it gets some much needed endorphins flowing! Click logo below to watch the video.

Psychology Today: Home from College and the Novelty's Worn Off: Now What?

This is nothing you ever expected—being stuck at home 24/7 with your parents and siblings while being separated from your friends, your school and your job. Academic, social and financial changes increase your stress with no clear solutions in sight. It's natural to feel disappointed, confused, angry or worried. Plus, living around your family makes it tough not to fall back into old family patterns. All you want is to hold onto your independent identity but your life's been turned upside down. Now what? Click logo below to read more.

ADHD Essentials Podcast: COVID-19 & What to Do When You and Your Kids are Stuck in the House

Today's episode starts with my thoughts about COVID-19, and how to respond to it.  (Like ordering a bidet!)  I hope you find them useful, and maybe even a little reassuring. After that, we’re talking to my friend, Dr. Sharon Saline.  Dr. Saline is a licensed, clinical psychologist specializing in ADHD, and the author of “What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew”. In today’s episode, Sharon and I are talking about what to do when your kids are cooped up at home.  We did the interview through the lens of a snow day, but it works for quarantine and social distancing, too!  There’s a lot of really good information and ideas in here.  I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you’re able to navigate the current pandemic with as much ease and grace as possible. Click logo below to read more.

Set Up Routines Now! Tips for being home with kids with ADHD during COVID-19

Has it been another exhausting day of managing your son or daughter with ADHD at home due to school closures from COVID-19? It's tough to juggle their activities, school work and sibling arguments with your own issues about employment changes  and trying to stay calm in the midst of national panic. What can you do to ease the stress and create a home structure that works for everybody?

First, take a deep breath. Think about what type of daily schedule you'd like to see for your family. What's realistic to expect from yourself, your partner (if you have one) and your kids during this time? It's reasonable to expect daily routines that include regular wake-up and bed times, blocks of time allocated for studying, chores, play and chilling out. It's reasonable to expect that screens aren't on 24/7. And it's reasonable to predict that there will be laughter, fun as well as meltdowns and arguments. Once you accept these conditions, it will be easier to create a structure that works for everyone. Start by dividing the day into blocks for studying, doing chores, fun activities and chilling out. Follow these tips to help make your family's plan and then post this in the kitchen. Expect to adjust this along the way.

1. Set up formal study periods while you work at the table alongside your kids. Break assignments into do-able chunks and offer incentives for the completion of work. Make sure you include study breaks based on movement, snacks and time outside.
2. Assign chores that your kids can do so that everybody is contributing to the household according to their age and ability.
3. Set up screen and non-screen activity times. Brainstorm lists for each of these categories with your kids and plan for when they will occur. Give some screen time automatically each day but then leave the rest for your kids to earn through their cooperation.
4. Play with your kids: If you give them your attention freely and positively, then they won't need to act up to get it. Spend time outside and exercise together if you can.
5. If you are now working from home, use your kids' screen time to your advantage and schedule it for times that will help you.

Take time to answer kids' questions about COVID 19 with facts and honesty. They are scared and confused and need you to clarify what's happening. They seek reassurance that you're taking care of their safety and may want to talk about how to maintain connections to their friends and extended family members. During this strange and frightening time, remember to take care of yourself so you'll be available to take care of others. Reach out to folks for support but edit your phone conversations so you're not discussing distressing content in front of your kids.

Kids and Mental Health Days

Mental health days can be very beneficial to kids for a much-needed break from the stress of school, particularly with kids who have ADHD, learning disabilities or high functioning ASD for whom school can be their hardest area of functioning.

When kids are particularly overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious and fed up with school, a planned day off can be very helpful. These are days for rest, recovery and regrouping. Perhaps some time outside is in order: a walk, hike, or doing something athletic with you. Or maybe it’s a day with you a day in pajamas with limited screen time, playing board games, creating art projects, baking, reading or making music. I’ve worked with a number of kids with ADHD, LD or ASD who needed a break from the social and academic demands every 6-8 weeks. School was emotionally and physically draining for them. For adolescents who face increasing pressure to excel at everything, having a planned day off can be a lifesaver. Other kids benefit from a general agreement that they can have X number of days off per semester and you can choose these on an emergency basis (e.g. “I can’t take it anymore. I need a break”) or with certain dates set in mind. If a child doesn’t seem to rebound after this day and their symptoms of anxiety, sadness, depression or social difficulties persist, then I highly recommend finding a therapist to assist you in figuring out what is going on.

To be honest, I used mental health days with my daughter when she was a teenager. About twice a semester, she would hit a wall: she needed sleep and some down time to get her head back in the game.  So, we periodically gave her a “Sick-and-Tired” day off from school. It wasn’t planned but we had agreed as a family in advance that she could have 2 such days per semester. It was a successful collaboration: she felt that she got the mental health day she needed and we saw a positive difference when she returned to school.

Read more about the habits that hurt mental health

22 News Mass Appeal: Tips on how to help your children establish a healthy relationship with technology

(Mass Appeal) – Technology is not going anywhere, so it’s important to teach children how to have a healthy relationship with it. Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline joined us with four tips on establishing and modeling a healthy relationship with technology. According to Dr. Saline, first make sure your children has a healthy media diet and not a junk food addiction. The goal with this is to make media a part of a balanced life that includes activities other than technology. Tip two, technology affects self-understanding and kids are developing perceptions of themselves based on social media responses. It’s important to teach social skills directly. Third, teach kids how to streamline media and cut down on distractions when using computers for homework. Printing things out and closing social media windows can help. Finally, make sure parents are modeling this behavior at home. Put your phone away and spend quality time with your family. Click logo below to watch the video.

Sibling Strife: How to stay sane and manage sibling issues in your family

They're at it-again. Your kids are fighting once more, accusing each other of doing or saying something unkind. The argument is escalating quickly into tears and accusations and you're fed up and disheartened. All you want is for your kids to get along and be friends. What can you do differently?

It's heartbreaking and exhausting when your kids don't get along. Sibling relationships are the way kids figure out how to relate to a peer, practice social skills, and learn negotiation skills. In families living with ADHD, these relationships can be especially tricky. The child with ADHD may feel jealous, angry or frustrated with their sibling, especially when they're neurotypical. They may feel judged, misunderstood and rejected by them. They probably compare themselves to this sibling and, sadly, come up short.

Neurotypical siblings often suffer with being 'the other one'--the child who may receive less attention or is expected to put up with inappropriate words, demanding behaviors or excessive needs as part of understanding their sibling's challenges. They're asked to be patient when they really feel angry or ignored.  If you've got more than one child with ADHD, LD or ASD, it can be especially challenging for everyone to live with how issues with attention, learning or processing information manifest differently.

You can't make siblings become great friends but you can create a home environment of civility and tolerance. While things may seem fraught with tension now, you don't know how their relationship will change over time. Focus on how to teach your kids to deal with their conflict effectively by teaching skills such as sharing, compassion and kindness. When the family lives by a code of civility and acceptance, everybody's relationships improve. Instead of perceiving unfairness and judgments, your kids can learn to accept each other--and themselves--warts and all. Try these steps:

1. Normalize different kinds of brains: We all have brains that are uniquely wired. Rather than expecting and demanding compassion, increase empathy by talking about personal strengths and challenges for everyone. Describe executive functioning skills and identify family members' strengths and challenges. See who shares what skills and where differences arise. Then, make a plan for each person to address one of their challenges. We all have issues we can work on which levels the playing field between siblings. Make a weekly family meeting to  discuss progress and brainstorm new approaches if necessary.
2. Create a plan to respond to disagreements: Forget about fairness; it just doesn't exist. Instead, look at the timing and sequences of sibling arguments for a pattern. Use one of your weekly family meetings to create a plan for what to do when arguments arise. What are the ground rules about language and physical harm?  What happens if you break them? Kids have lots of ideas and when you collaborate on solutions to problems, you gain their buy-in and improve their participation. How can you take a time-apart when emotions are escalating so people have enough time to cool off before coming back together to talk about moving forward? Make a list of acceptable Calm-me-Down activities. Explore ways that people can make amends for hurtful comments or actions.
3. Stay in the present and keep your goals for their relationship to yourself: Your kids have to figure out for themselves how to relate to each other and what the quality of that relationship will be. Your job is to foster safety and civility. Yes, you may feel sad about how they interact with each other and please discuss this with your partner, a friend, a relative or a therapist. But, telling kids things such as "One day, all you will have will be each other" or "Your sister loves you and wants to be friends" doesn't acknowledge what's the nature of how they are (not) getting along in this moment. Most kids live in the present and, for kids with ADHD with their NOW/NOT NOW brains, thinking ahead to some unknown future really doesn't matter. Stick with what's happening now and work with them to create interventions that foster accountability and acknowledge the validity of both positions in an argument. Help both kids accept the other person's perspective by asking them to repeat what they hear their sibling saying instead of interpreting or arguing about it.

Remember kids' relationships go up and down. There are good moments and tough ones. When things get heated, stay as centered as you can. If you need to collect yourself, head to the bathroom to wash your hands, drink some water and take some deep breaths. Once you've pulled yourself together, you can handle whatever is happening on the other side of the door.  

22 News Mass Appeal: Increase the Love at Home with Compassion

Parenting is hard no matter what your child’s age. And arguing with them is frustrating because you want them to understand things that they may not yet be mature enough to grasp. Dr. Sharon Saline, Clinical Psychologist, is in the studio to share thoughts and ideas on how to create a more stress free home life. Click logo below to read more.

Why did you post THAT? Smart Screen Parenting for Kids with ADHD

It's the question I hear from almost every parent I meet: How do I make sure my son or daughter is using technology appropriately? Research has shown that managing technology in families is the greatest sources of arguments in the home according to both kids and parents. Many parents forget that screen time is a privilege--not a right, although most kids and especially teens will tell you differently. To create a health media diet in your family, start by looking at your values and your goals related to technology. Consider how and when you use your phone. Ask yourself "What role do I want the phone or computer to play in my daughter's life? What are the conditions and expectations I've already set up about using the computer? What does it mean to use devices safely and how can I teach these skills?" These reflections are the first step in smart screen parenting. 

Families meet problems with technology because they haven’t set up clear terms and/or contracts about using screens from the beginning. It's never too late to have honest, forthright conversations about how to use phones and computers (including texting, apps and email  appropriately) and what safety looks like. Have you discussed digital footprints and the longevity of online activity? College admission counselors, coaches and future employers can look up your history and see what you've said and to whom. Kids with ADHD lack of cause and effect thinking. They struggle with impulse control and self-regulation. They often believe that consequences just won’t happen to them. It's especially hard to stop themselves from texting or posting something inappropriate if other kids are doing it too.

Discuss how to make good choices about appropriate material to post and which sites to visit. If you wouldn’t say to someone’s face, then don’t send it online. Follow the WWGS rule: "What would Grandma say?" If you don't want your Grandma to read something, should you really post it? Expect your son or daughter to treat others with respect, and to never post hurtful or embarrassing messages. Encourage them to think twice before hitting 'Enter.' Being mean isn't okay at any time. Of course, ask them to always tell you about any harassing or bullying messages that others post.

We are responsible for teaching kids how to be a digital citizens just like we are teaching them to be a member of our communities. All families, especially those with ADHD, need guidelines about living successfully with technology--guidelines that are enforced consistently. You don't have to reinvent the wheel: websites like http://www.commonsensemedia.org offer great sample contracts and other ideas for how family's can establish plans about technology. Here are my suggestions to help you practice cyber safety and teach NET-etiquette:

1.  Get informed about digital media and technology so you are not acting out of fear or ignorance. Nobody wants to be a watchdog. Remind kids that what they post can be used against them. For example, letting the world know that you're off on vacation or posting your home address gives would-be robbers a chance to strike.  Teens should also avoid posting specific locations of parties or events. If you don’t know know people or people who know them, don’t friend those folks.
2. Go through privacy settings together to make sure your kids understand each one. Also, explain that passwords are there to protect them against things like identity theft. They should never share them.
3. Live in a household with trust that goes both ways. Remember that your kids can go online and get all kinds of information that would often be better learned from you. We want kids to turn to us when they struggle with making good choices about where to go and what to do with friends. Tracking locations or reading their texts shows them that you don’t trust them or the decisions they are making.  Unless you learn that your child or teen has been lying to you about where they are going, what they are doing or texting or posting inappropriate material, stick with direct conversations with them about their activities and friends.
4. After you get home from work, plan to spend the first hour reconnecting with your family. Limit your screen use to times when your kids are absent, asleep or occupied with friends or their own screen time.
5. Stay connected with the parents of their friends so you can know what’s going on with your son or daughter and the kids around you. This helped me tremendously when my children were teens. Several parents agreed that we would support each other as our kids became more independent. We didn’t hesitate to call or text folks about social or school issues. The kids knew that we talked with each other and professed to disliking it but they also knew that they couldn’t stray too far because someone would see it and then share it.

Forget Freaking Out: How to parent panic attacks in kids with ADHD

Does your child or teen ever tell you that they are having a panic attack? Or, do they describe symptoms such as shortness of breath, a pounding heart and the sudden feeling like the world is closing in on them? Panic attacks are awful for everyone who experiences them. Kids can feel terrified, unsure about what is happening to them. Parents, desperate to assist their kids can be freaked out themselves and confused about what to do. Kids who live with ADHD typically struggle managing their big feelings anyway. In these moments of acute anxiety, they told me  that it's like flailing around in rough waves with no raft. Since there's no rational thinking in the midst of a panic attack, it doesn't work to trying to talk to your child reasonably in these moments. Yelling at them to calm down is equally ineffective. Panic attacks are best managed by having a concrete set of steps to follow that you and your child or teen have figured out beforehand. When you work together to name the triggers and notice the warning signs, it's easier to create an effective strategy to use in a panicked moment.

The goal isn't to eliminate panic attacks: that may be unrealistic for now. Instead, the immediate goal should be to teach your son or daughter techniques for self-soothing in uncomfortable moments. Focus on becoming familiar with the clues that anxiety is rising and how to respond to those signals to lessen their intensity. We want to turn down the volume on the anxiety so it doesn't mushroom into a panic attack. 

Following the plan that you've previously created and practiced together instead of trying to find a solution in the middle of a heated, emotional moment keeps things from escalating even further. Over time, by learning how to use tools to reduce anxiety, kids become more confident about what to do to soothe themselves when they start to feel agitated. The frequency of panic attacks goes down. 

While the following suggestions are meant to be helpful, they do not substitute in any way for taking your child to see their physician to rule out any physiological issues that could be causing panic. Please check out other causes too, such as bullying, learning disabilities, problematic teacher dynamics or other environmental factors. Here's what you can do: In a quiet moment, sit down with your son or daughter and talk about how you can work together as a team to cut down panic attacks and reduce anxiety. Ask them what internal changes signal that they are feeling anxious and later panicked. Share some of your own too. Increased heart rate, shortness of breath, perspiration, a knot in the stomach or sudden headache are common signs that anxiety is rising. Write these insights down.    Next, show them the list of tools below and customize each option for them. Put the final document on both of your phones, computers, iPads, etc. and make a copy for the kitchen, the car and their room so everybody can refer to it when necessary. Consider sharing this with your child's school counselor or teacher as well so you are all on the same page. 

1. Breathing exercises: Alternate nostril yoga breathing calms you down quickly. Put your index finger on your right nostril: breathe in and out of your left nostril. Now switch and breathe in and out of your right nostril. Do this on both sides for 4-6 times until you start to settle down. 
2. Make a playlist of songs that you love, soothe you or just make you smile. Give the playlist a fun title like “Cooling down tunes.”
3. Change your environment: If you are inside, go to a different room or step outside. Notice what’s happening around you as you are inhaling in for 4 counts and exhaling for 4 counts. 
4. Go to the bathroom and wash your face and hands. Tell yourself something encouraging such as: “You’ve got this.” “This has happened before and you’ve survived.” “It’s just your fears trying to run the show. Slow down so you can calm down.” 
5. Physical movement:  Walk, run, ride a stationary bike, jump on a trampoline, etc. Get the body moving so kids move their attention from out of their heads and into what's happening around them.
6. Comfort activity: Reading, drawing, coloring, Soduku, playing with a pet, Lego's, listening to a story, receiving a hug--these can also quiet the system until the storm passes.

uh-PARENT-ly: Parenting a child with ADHD: How to develop daily skills to improve communication and reduce frustration

Parenting any child involves highs and lows. When that child has been diagnosed with ADHD, the highs can be higher and the lows even lower. Dr. Sharon Saline is a clinical psychologist and the author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. She joins uh-PARENT-ly cohosts Tracy Weiner and Anne Johnsos to talk about ADHD, executive functioning skills, and learning differences in children, teens, college-age adults and families. Click logo below to read more.

Impact of Watching Scary Shows

Stranger Things is back on Thursdays.

Should you let your child watch it or other scary shows?

How to judge if they are ready.

Watching anything scary on television or at the movies before a child is cognitively, psychologically and emotionally ready to understand and process the visual information can lead to increased fears, phobias and nightmares. Adult themes, violence, inexplicable events and cruelty are simply not appropriate for many kids.

It’s important that parents examine why they are allowing their children to watch such shows and if their kids are really ready for it. Kids will show by their behavior, words and facial expressions how they respond to information that is overwhelming them and unpleasant to watch.

If kids need to verbally discuss the themes for reassurance about their safety and the fabricated nature of the show, then they aren’t ready for it. I personally think there is NO rush to expose kids to frightening shows. Kids today are more anxious than ever so why exacerbate the possibility for unnecessary worries.

Learn more about anxiety

Are You Giving Feedback or Criticism? Recognize the Difference and Change What You're Doing

As a parent, your motivations and intentions behind a statement might greatly differ from how your child interprets it. How do you know when you are giving feedback or criticism, and who is to decide? For example: Your 16 year-old daughter, Layla, agrees to clean her room and picks things up nicely except for the balled up pair of socks and crumpled tee shirt she leaves on her bed. Instead of simply saying, "Wow. Great job!" you want her to notice what she's missed. You say, "That's pretty good, but to be fully clean you missed the socks and tee shirt on your bed." Your daughter loses her cool and starts screaming at you about how she's never good enough and demands that you leave her alone. What happened?

How your child might view feedback or criticism:

You may think that you're making an innocent comment aimed to teach your teen what a cleaned room really looks like. But, in reality, what she heard was only the negative part: what she missed on the bed erased the value of the rest of her good work.

When I was doing interviews with kids for my book, they told me repeatedly that there's no such thing as positive feedback: it all feels negative to them. Fed up and frustrated with consistently missing the mark, despite well-meaning efforts to do things, kids with ADHD blow their tops- just like Layla.

There is a big difference between feedback and criticism. Ideally, feedback takes into account intention, effort and progress. It's a teaching tool. Criticism just looks at what isn't right and often adds a mixture of blame, anger and disapproval. Nobody feels good after criticism, no matter how carefully it is worded.

How to use the ADHD Adapted Sandwich Feedback Method to formulate feedback instead of criticism

To make the shift from veiled or direct criticism to feedback that works more effectively, reframe your thinking. Use the ADHD Adapted Sandwich Feedback Method to prepare your statement like you would make a delicious sandwich. When you are hungry, you consider what might be tasty and which foods you want to place between the slices of bread. It's a thoughtful, deliberate process with a yummy, anticipated outcome. Giving feedback can be similar. You start with positive observations as doughy top and bottom pieces, throw in an encouraging condiment, place a neutral piece of observed information in the middle and top it off with a piece of compassionate cheese.

Here's how this approach could go with Layla: "Nice job cleaning your room, Layla. I like how you arranged your books and notebooks by color on your desk. Although it's no big deal, I see that you missed a few pieces of clothing on your bed. Great work on picking up all of the items from the floor so I can vacuum your rug. Thanks!

My guess is that Layla will have a very different attitude about the socks and tee shirt with this "sandwich of feedback." She'll feel appreciated more for her efforts and respond to that validation, rather than focusing on the one thing she overlooked. It will be more likely to be interpreted as feedback than criticism.

The influence of the negativity bias on the value and memory of criticism.

We've got to remember that the negativity bias in human brains naturally overshadows positive information. For neurodivergent kids with ADHD, LD or ASD, they hear so many more negative statements in a day than positive ones. We've got to make concerted efforts to give them feedback they can actually absorb and use. That's why we have to add extra validation and encouragement when we are responding to kids's efforts for change, following through on tasks or taking risks.

I encourage you to try the ADHD Adapted Sandwich Feedback Method this week and see what happens. For an extra boost, ask them to repeat back one of the positive things they heard you say. This will help their working memory encode it and send it down the memory line for long-term storage. Be kind to yourself as you try to make this shift. It's easier to blurt out something critical (even if you don't mean to) than it is to thoughtfully generate useful feedback.

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Learn more:

• Negative Memory Bias and ADHD: Tips to Help Kids and Youth with ADHD Remember the Positives
• Parenting Older Teens with ADHD: Land the Helicopter and Focus on Scaffolding
• ADHD and Anger: Tools for Reducing Family Conflict by Starting with Yourself

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

YourTango: 5 Reasons Why Having Bored Kids Can Be A Great Thing For Their Development

Why does a bored kid, or the threat of a bored kid, strike fear into the hearts of parents? Part of the reason is that the attention economy (AKA Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, your smartphone) has erased boredom from adult lives. Parents forget the joy and benefits of a quiet moment, because they are vanishingly rare. Click logo below to read more.

Fatherly: 5 Ways Boredom Is Actually Great for Kids

Why does a bored kid, or the threat of a bored kid strike fear into the hearts of parents? Part of the reason is that the attention economy (aka Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, your smartphone) has erased boredom from adult lives. Parents forget the joy and benefits of a quiet moment because they are vanishingly rare. Another, more obvious reason is that a bored kid is an annoying kid. They will turn to you for stimulation (Just one more movie, pleeeease?). Don’t give it to them. Boredom is a good, even essential thing for developing brains — for all brains, really. Let us count the ways. Click logo below to read more.

Remember to Celebrate Your Strengths as a Parent This Holiday season

Recently I read an article in the New York Times about Tom Hanks as he was doing interviews for the release of his new movie, “A beautiful day in the neighborhood.” He talked about a lot of things but also discussed how it’s “not easy being a parent for any of us.” He went on to say: “Somewhere along the line I figured out, the only thing, really I think a parent eventually can do is say I love you . . . I hope you will forgive me on occasion and what can I do for you? . . . I will do anything I possibly can do to keep you safe. That’s it. Offer that up and just love them.”[1] Wow. Profound advice. Just offer up your love, give them assistance in staying safe, and ask for forgiveness sometimes. I don’t think I could have articulated those core aspects of respectful, caring parenting any better. Add in a strength-based, positive psychology approach and you’ve got all the ingredients you need for terrific parenting except for one: self-Compassion. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of appreciating who you are as a parent. Acknowledge that every day you are doing the best you can with your available resources and within the demands of your busy, complicated life:  the pressures of work, the family responsibilities you manage, the frustration of raising a child who is an outside-the-box thinker. Regardless of those low moments, you’re doing so much more good with your child or teen than you may ever realize. Kids tell me repeatedly about their gratitude towards their parents, even while admitting they don’t show it often enough.

Take a quiet moment to celebrate YOU this holiday season and the many ways that you’re a terrific parent to your son or daughter with ADHD. Write down three things you feel proud of and put it in a safe place so you can look at in dark dark moment.

May you end this year with contentment for who you are and start 2020  with confidence and hope. No matter how you celebrate, I’d like to wish you health, happiness, fun and connection during this festive season. [1] Brodesser-akner, Taffy. “This Tom Hanks Story Will Help You Feel Less Bad.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 13 Nov. 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/13/movies/tom-hanks-mister-rogers.html.  

Plan Now for A Happier Family Holiday Season

As the holidays descend upon us, it's time to sit down and consider how you would like the holidays to with your family. We are seduced by the Hollywood ideal of stuffed stockings hanging above a glowing fire while people joyfully drink their hot cocoa. But, is this what really happens for anyone?

When you live in a family with ADHD, the holidays can be especially complicated. Parties, sugary treats and unstructured time can combine into overwhelm, meltdowns and unpleasant conflict. How can you avoid these testy times and create a positive experience for your family?

Instead of being surprised when an eruption occurs, a little forethought can go a long way. With some preparation and some accurate predictions, you can create a plan that maximizes fun and minimizes stress. Follow these steps:

1. Name the triggers: Consider what sets you and your kids off during this time of year? Write these down. At a quiet moment, perhaps before bed or in the car, ask your children for their opinions. Try starting with: "What are two things you are looking forward to over the holidays and two things you're not that excited about?" Make note of their answers.
2. Look for overlaps:  See what, if any, situations, interactions or activities people find stressful. You want to focus on reducing the intensity of these events or, if possible, eliminating them.
3. Call a family meeting: Set aside fifteen minutes and call this meeting the NO-STRESS (your family name) HOLIDAY GUIDE. Share the similarities in everybody's responses. Brainstorm alternative options and create reasonable BACK-UP Plans for when things are crashing. Agree on clear signals or statements for when a person wants or needs to take a break, leave the situation and benefits from adult input.
4. Expect to remind everyone about your agreement: Before you embark on those tricky situations, review the BACK-UP Plans and remind them about the signals.
5. Create your own strategy: Remember to have a strategy for yourself when you're nearing the end of your rope. Make a knot and hold on. Breathe in for a count of four, hold it for four and breathe out for four.  Go outside for a breath of fresh air or visit the bathroom to splash some water on your face.
6. Have fun! You've got this!

22 News Mass Appeal: Surviving the Holidays: How donating can benefit your children

Dr. Sharon Saline, Clinical Psychologist at DrSharonSaline.com, explained how donating with your children can teach them invaluable lessons during the holidays. Click logo below to read more.

Feeling Holiday Stress? Start caring for your mental health today!

Happiness during the holiday season for your family really depends on your ability to stay sane and stable in the midst of all of the shopping, planning and parties. When you are able to manage yourself with as much calm and clarity as possible, your son or daughter with ADHD will regulate better too. You are not only modeling for them how to regulate but why it's helpful during busy times like these.

Good mental health during the holiday season starts NOW for the best results. The goal is to establish do-able routines for self-care now, so you will be in the habit when the stress intensifies later. Our brains need time to process the myriad of stimulating activities during this time so we don’t feel perpetually stressed, overwhelmed or burned out. Follow these tips for better self-care and, if you can, expand them to your kids too. Everyone will benefit from some time to slow down, plan ahead and focus on the important stuff. 

Follow these steps:

1. Create a daily routine for connecting with yourself: Whether it’s going to the gym, stretching before bed, meditating, taking a hot bath, listening to favorite music or walking outside, set up a plan for doing something at least twice a week. You need this time for integration and letting go throughout the year but, during the holidays, when the emotional, physical and psychological demands are greater, it’s more important than ever. Make this activity achievable by starting off with something small that you can actually accomplish. You'll feel nourished in a way that only you can give yourself.
2. Take a moment and set goals for the holidays:  Instead of trying to be everywhere and everything for all of the people in your life, take a few quiet moments to reflect on what you would like to get out of this holiday season. What are your goals? What are your limits? What happened last year that worked and you’d like to repeat? What do you want to avoid?
3. Write these down: Look at them when you’re feeling frenzied, overwhelmed or discouraged. Ask your children and partners the same questions, identify shared intentions, add those to your list and focus on making these things happen.
4. Plan for what’s most important before shopping: You are only one person and you can’t do it all. Most people become overwhelmed because they’re not able to formulate a strategy for getting things done. Sit down with your partner and/or kids and make a list of who you want to make or purchase gifts for and what those items are. Ask your children to assist you in ways that are appropriate for their age and capability. Then assign days and blocks of time for shopping or creating.  When you have an action plan, you’ll feel more empowered and less freaked out.  

Good luck on your holiday escapades!

The Benefits of Experiential Gifting

Black Friday, Cyber Monday Alternatives

People Over Stuff! Giving experiences benefits people in several ways.

First, you are offering them something unique that will provide them with lasting memories. Perhaps it’s an experience they’ve wanted to do but not been able or willing to arrange for themselves. You are showing your caring support by both noticing this desire and making it happen.

Secondly, experiences offer people opportunities to stretch themselves in ways that objects may not. By giving an experience, you are offering someone the opportunity to go beyond their comfort zone with the encouragement of a kind friend.

Thirdly, if you join them on the activity, that might be even more fun. You’re demonstrating how the two of you can engage in something meaningful together. This deepens relationships and fosters closeness.

Finally, experiences can alter both someone’s perspective about themselves and about the world around. When you engage in an activity, you are participating and this action-oriented gift have a rippled effect in ways you can’t necessarily see.

Read about Great Holiday Gift Ideas for Kids with ADHD Shop for "The Gifts That Keep Giving" at the Dr. Sharon Saline Family Support Store