Create Successful Neurodiverse Family Outings Today: Time to connect with the great outdoors!

After 18 months of dealing with the stress of indoor COVID living, using screens for social connections, and managing the stress of hybrid education, most of us have been hankering for some much needed rest and relaxation this summer. As we head into the last weeks of summer and for some, the early return to school, it's worth taking some time to savor time outside as part of this reset. Connecting families with the great outdoors benefits individual family members and improves family bonds as a whole. Creating neurodiverse family outings that go smoothly and have everyone feeling like a happy camper, however, can be challenging. It's important to find ways to improve family outings so they work for everyone in your family. Even small adventures can make a big difference. Let's finish off the summer by making memories that are as positive as possible for everyone.

Why getting outdoors for neurodiverse family outings is worth it:

Spending time in nature is beneficial and fun for all of us: we can kick off our shoes and wade into the ocean, hike to a beautiful vista or just have a picnic in our own backyards. It's especially great for neurodivergent kids--those youngsters with ADHD, LD, ASD, 2e and/or mental health issues. When any of us venture outside to a beach, park or any green spot, our entire demeanor shifts. We shed some of the stress of our daily lives, feel more relaxed and connect with the atmosphere around us. Children, teens and adults start to feel a welcome sense of spaciousness and freedom. For neurodivergent kids, especially those living with anxiety or depression, this freedom is often sorely needed. These children and adolescents need a chance to let go from the pressures of all things that they struggle to remember to do and from not feeling good enough at doing them. They spend so much time trying to focus, stay organized and correct their mistakes, that a break to wander, play and explore is a welcome (and necessary) relief. On neurodiverse family outings and excursions outdoors, youngsters and adults alike can just be in the moment. They can enjoy the wide range of outside activities and explore the beauty of the natural environment. They may be happy just to be in a different physical space and do nothing at all. These experiences in nature can be very restorative for them and for you as parents, too. Family outings also provide ideal times for family fun as the 'shoulds' of our daily routines are transformed into games, explorations and discoveries.

Tips to having a successful summer family adventure with neurodiverse kids and teens:

Pick a location that offers something for everyone and doesn't require much planning.

Talk with your family about the available options and what people want to do so you can all work together on making a good experience for everyone. Brainstorm first, and then negotiate any necessary compromises. These outings with your neurodiverse family involve the entire family, so make sure everyone's voice is heard.

Limit your expectations.

Whatever happens has to be okay with you and okay with your family. Share your hopes for the day and listen to theirs. Be open to and make room for spontaneity and go with the flow. The less control you need to exert during the day, the better it will be for you and for everyone else. Remember to play!

Give your teen or child a few specific, simple tasks.

In preparation for your neurodiverse family outing excursion, make a list and write down items that can be checked off. This gives kids more practice in developing those ever-needed executive planning and organizing skills. They'll be less anxious about thinking they'll arrive unprepared or left something important behind, too. Remind them to bring items that help them relax, or a go-to activity if times are tough.

Create some guidelines about appropriate behaviors for your day.

Limit these to 2 things, because the kids aren't likely to remember more than that. These guidelines should revolve around safety primarily, and be logical and explicit (e.g. swim with another person, not alone, and ask beforehand; stay with the group when hiking; play around the picnic area where we can see you).  Remind your child or teen of these 2 guidelines as you arrive at the location. Then ask them to repeat them back to you. This verbal repetition signals to you that they’ve got it.

Focus on the positive.

There will likely be a blip or two on your neurodiverse family outings. Something may happen that may frustrate you or other family members. That’s a normal part of being together and doing an activity. Take a deep breath, focus on what's most important and help your son or daughter recalibrate. Ask your family what would help them move on and/or make amends if there’s been an argument. Practice forgiveness and refocus everybody's attention on the positive goals of the day such as exploring a different place or trying a new activity. This especially helps neurodiverse kids overcome the negative memory bias that often leads them to focus more on the negatives than the positives. If they have trouble shifting, look around and notice something in their environment--an adaptation of “I spy”--to become more present. Say something like: “I see a hawk in the sky. How big do you think it is?” “Wow, that biker just rode by so quickly. I wonder how fast she is going?” “Can you pick a cool spot for our blanket so we can have lunch?” 

Enjoy your adventures!

---

Read more blog posts:

• Regulate Summer Screen Time for Your Child with ADHD and Yourself
• ADHD and Negativity: Why ADHD kids and teens say “No” and how to help them communicate
• Kick off the Summer with 6 Easy Strategies for Better Living with ADHD

Learn more on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel!

Handouts, webinars & more in Dr. Saline's Store:

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/live-adhd-webinar-qa-navigating-college-with-adhd-setting-yourself-up-for-success/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/managing-technology-families-video/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

---

 

5 Tips for Parenting Neurodiverse Kids on the Same Page

Parenting with a former or current partner who doesn’t share your views about neurodiversity, including ADHD, learning disabilities, twice-exceptionality or autism, can be very challenging--for you and for your child or teen. Neurodiverse kids really need consistent messages, similar schedules and clear expectations. If they are moving from one household to another, this regularity becomes essential. This can be difficult enough when parents live together and even tougher when they don’t. Perhaps your parents or in-laws help with childcare but don’t believe in neurodiverse diagnoses or understand them. In these situation, parenting neurodiverse kids on the same page as other caregivers can seem nearly impossible.

Aiming to be steady, not perfect, when parenting neurodiverse kids

Your goal isn’t perfection--being consistent at all times--but rather steadiness. Steady household routines and steady parenting help children and teens learn what to expect. Because of this, cooperation improves and anxiety is reduced. Being able to predict what’s coming, more or less, helps them manage their emotions. In addition, it helps them organize their stuff and plan for the transitions.

Shifting from one thing to another and demonstrating flexibility are tough for many neurodiverse kids. They can make these adjustments more readily if there is a repetitive pattern along with helpful checklists. This goes for working on similar executive functioning skills at school and home, too.

When parents are separated or divorced, you're not with with your ex for a number of reasons. However, you are still connected through your child(ren). You may not like each other, and you might not want to be friendly. That’s up to you. You may live with a partner who has totally separate ideas about parenting from you. Either way, you’ve got to find ways to work together when it comes to parenting your neurodiverse kids - it's in the best interest of your children. Research has found that the best measure of a child’s well-being after divorce is how the parents can get along. What can you do to coordinate care across multiple households with less stress and more cooperation?

Follow these tips for more effective partnership parenting:

1. Finding a way to work together:

If you are unable to have civil conversations, find mutual ground or discuss delicate subjects without major arguments, determine how you will communicate about touchy subjects. Practice reflective listening so each person feels heard and understood as a first step towards compromise.

If talking is difficult, agree to send fact-based emails about your child or teen with updates about what’s happened at your house this week, issues with school or friends or any concerns. Perhaps create a general daily routine which can be adapted to the needs of each household and share it online. For some people, even these steps are difficult. I would strongly recommend that you seek counseling with someone who is educated in parenting neurodiverse kids.

2. Prioritize your neurodiverse kid's needs:

Decide what issues are the main priority for your child based on information from school, extracurricular activities and/or medical needs. Identify your child’s strengths and challenges and find a place of agreement or overlap. Lean into the challenges that you both perceive first. Pick something small to address that can span both households. Then, outline how you’re going to address this. If you are unable to figure this out on your own, seek some help from your PCP or pediatrician, or consider counseling. Remember, your child’s welfare is the center of the story not your issues with your (ex) partner. 

3. Create similar routines:

Things don’t have to be identical at each household or between each partner in the same household, but they need to resemble each other. When it comes to parenting neurodiverse kids, it doesn’t help your child to play ‘good cop’ and ‘bad cop.’ Supporting routines and collaborating as adults isn’t about control or who’s got the power in the family. Rather, it's about what serves the best interest of your child. Perhaps your son has different sets of chores at each house, but you agree that he has chores. Maybe your daughter does her homework at different times but has comparable bedtimes. Setting related guidelines about screen usage is also important.

4. Parenting neurodiverse kids with a unified treatment approach:

Many parents don’t agree on medication, counseling, coaching or tutors. What do you agree on when it comes to parenting your neurodiverse kids? You may have different opinions because you have different knowledge bases. How can you meet in the middle? Who could assist you with this? I encourage you to talk to your PCP or pediatrician about this or maybe take a webinar together that focuses on parenting neurodiverse kids.

5. Set logical consequences:

We know that punishment is ineffective. Punishment won't help for parenting neurodiverse kids, and it doesn’t teach any skills. Learning effective self-management skills is critically important for them so then can eventually move into self-reliant adulthood. What do consequences look like in each house, and for what offenses?

When there is similarity in how parents deal with issues, and when the adults come together on big issues based on shared values and morals, children and teens respond with more cooperation. Make a collaborative plan as a family for what you are going to do to manage misbehaviors, backtalk, aggression, lying etc. Consider creating a contract that everybody signs so your child sees that you are taking this seriously.

---

Read more blog posts:

• Parenting Older Teens with ADHD: Land the helicopter and focus on scaffolding
• Couples living with ADHD: Healthy practices that focus less on fairness and more on companionship
• Divorce and the ADHD Family: 3 Essential Tips for Better Co-Parenting

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

Fresh Start Family Podcast: Working to Overcome Anxiety & Frustration in Kids Who Have ADHD, Autism, or Learning Disabilities

Families, are you overwhelmed with the challenges of raising a child with ADHD, autism, or learning disabilities? Or are you like so many families who are wondering if your child may be an alternative learner, but just aren’t sure? Even if you are just looking for some ways to connect with your child and restore some peace and balance to your home... This episode is just what you need to hear. Click the image below to listen to the episode.

Additude Webinar Replay - Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender

"If every generation of youth finds a way to upend parents’ basic notions of the world, certainly gender is today’s arena for change. With children and teens increasingly declaring a gender different than their sex assigned at birth, and many teens responding to “they/them/their,” nothing short of a gender revolution is taking place. Parents are often left to play catch-up with their children and teens, who increasingly view gender as a spectrum, not a binary. As young people work to understand and define their gender, caring adults may struggle with how to respond appropriately, how to manage their own feelings and reactions, and how to give or find adequate support. For parents of kids living with ADHD, additional concerns about executive functioning challenges — like impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, planning, and focus — may further complicate the picture. It is important for parents, clinicians, and coaches to research how this generation of youth is reframing notions of gender and how neurodiversity intersects with this process. In this webinar, Julie Mencher, MSW, and Sharon Saline, PsyD, will discuss the fundamentals of understanding gender diversity and how ADHD affects the journey. You'll learn how to:

• Understand the process of the gender journey, for the young person and their family members
• Understand and use appropriate, thoughtful language
• Manage your own reactions to the changes in children, teens, and young adults
• Prepare for and engage in empathic, informed conversations about gender questioning and transitioning
• Explore how to read your child’s behavior in relation to gender exploration and ADHD struggles
• Watch for self-harming behaviors or other mental health concerns

Watch the webinar here!

ADDitude Mag | Expert Webinar: Gender Diversity & Neurodiversity

Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender ADDitude Mag Expert Webinar with Sharon Saline, Psy.D. & Julie Mencher, MSW. [Video Replay & Podcast #350] "If every generation of youth finds a way to upend parents’ basic notions of the world, certainly gender is today’s arena for change. With children and teens increasingly declaring a gender different than their sex assigned at birth, and many teens responding to “they/them/their,” nothing short of a gender revolution is taking place. Parents are often left to play catch-up with their children and teens, who increasingly view gender as a spectrum, not a binary." Click the logo below to learn more & access the video replay.

CHADD Webinar | Navigating College with ADHD: Preparing for Success!

Are you a current or future college student who isn’t sure how to make a strong transition to higher education? In this webinar, Dr. Sharon Saline, veteran psychologist and author of “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life” and “The ADHD Solution Card Deck” will help you figure out how to get what you need to set yourself up for success at college. She’ll show you how to discuss accommodations with professors, use the resources of the student services office and overcome anxiety about these conversations. You’ll leave with practical tools to manage your time, stay organized and keep motivated academically, personally and socially. Click the logo below to watch the video.