Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/23/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/23/21

5 Tips to Uplevel Your Spring Cleaning and Decluttering

Teen girl with ADHD stuck upside down in a huge pile of clothes that's a mess before spring cleaning As the spring air settles in, the daylight hours get longer, and our positivity shifts. But that glistening sunshine may cast a harsh light on the parts of your home and your life that need a good reset after this COVID year. Spring cleaning and decluttering can ignite fresh ideas and increase productivity. Both cleaning and the resulting tidiness and spaciousness can help reduce stress and anxiety. This is a great time to get your house and your mental health in check as we transition back to 'normal'. You'll help yourself and your Neurodiverse kids to create an optimal ecosystem so the re-entry back to school feels organized and fresh. Follow these steps in our Spring Spankin' Clean Checklist to get started and map out your plan of action.

1. Strategize your spring cleaning and decluttering.

Instead of stressing about devoting an entire day or weekend to spring cleaning, take a different approach. It will probably be more productive for you to tackle different aspects of decluttering and cleaning in phases. Dedicate short windows of time to particular areas of your house, so the task feels less overwhelming. If trying to clean the kitchen, the office and living room in one day sounds like too (it does to me!), pick one room to approach. Father with his two kids with ADHD vacuuming under the rug for spring cleaning Make a list of what you want to do, how much overall time you want to spend in that room and how your kids can assist you. Give them tasks that are age appropriate and fit their capabilities. Pick different days for projects too. Maybe spend 20 minutes vacuuming your rugs on Saturday, 30 minutes going through your dresser drawers on Sunday, and so on. This will make everything feel more manageable, especially when you have your munchkins helping you out.

2. Start with cleaning the space that inspires you and your kids.

What parts of disarray in the house bother you the most? What bothers them? If it happens to be your desk or their workspace, start to declutter there. If your kids' imagination is sparked in the playroom or their rooms, head there. Your family thrives together in the kitchen? Optimize that space first. Together, collaborate on a plan of attack. What are you going to do first? What's after that? You're not just tidying up: you're actually teaching them executive functioning skills like planning, prioritizing and organization along the way. Emphasize teamwork. How you approach this process and how you manage your frustration will set the tone for your decluttering process. Take short breaks to reset, have a drink or use the bathroom and then a longer break when you've completed a chunk of work.

3. Set donation goals.

It can be easy to forget that we don’t need every item in our homes… until spring cleaning comes around. I approach spring cleaning every year with a goal of donating items that I haven't worn or used in several years and don't think I will in the future.

Donation box filled with clothes after spring cleaning

Some of these items may be in bad shape and will head to the trash. But other things could interest or help other people. Create a few bags or boxes: keep, trash, donate. Assign or place items in these categories. By the end of my cleaning project, I may have a dozen things to sell at the consignment store or drop by the local donation thrift shop. Set goals like this with your kids too. They will have outgrown certain clothes or games and sharing them with others can give them a sense of purpose. It can be hard for some neurodivergent kids to let go of their stuff. If that's true in your house, create a maybe bag as a transitional holding place. Then, you can revisit it in two weeks. Working together like this shows them know how to contribute to the household and to those less fortunate. Remember to use small incentives (like a new book or extra screen or outdoor time) to motivate them and keep them focused on the goal.

4. Organize your kids with Self-Smart Systems.

Mother spring cleaning and decluttering the living room with her ADHD kids Start your organizing projects with your kids by asking them some questions. Instead of, "Why are your clothes always on the floor?" try, "I notice your clothes seems to end up on the floor. What might change that?" Kids with ADHD often have their own ideas about what makes sense to their brains in terms of managing their stuff. Some like to separate their clothes by color; others by function (tops, bottoms, etc.); others by seasons. Work with your child's internal systems by expressing curiosity. "I wonder what would make it easier for you to see what's in your drawers" or, "Let's put the things you're not really wearing in a plastic box and revisit this in a few months." Ask, listen, participate and guide. When you do this, you become your child's cleaning ally instead of their adversary.

5. Consider storing winter or other seasonal items.

Blankets, coats, gloves, hats, bathing suits, flip flops, beach toys. You don't need access to all of these things all year long. Decide what you will need and use and then put away the other stuff. For people living in cooler climates, may winter items can be bulky and take up lots of space. When there's fewer items in the environment, it's easier for kids with ADHD (and their parents) to see their options and use their stuff. To deal with unnecessary items, consider vacuum sealing. First, your son or daughter will think it's the coolest thing ever and probably will help you. Who doesn't want to see stuff shrink? These packages will take up less space so that your closets look and feel more streamlined. Storage bins for spring decluttering and organization for ADHD kids and families Another option is using plastic storage bins. I love these! Label the boxes and put them out of sight. When winter returns next year, you'll be able to see and locate everybody's stuff more quickly. Of course, if you find items that are outgrown or used very little this winter, pass them along to others! Spring cleaning and decluttering can refresh the mind, body, and spirit. Set aside specific times on the family calendar to tidy up. Whatever steps your family takes now, you'll reap the benefits that much sooner! Parent enjoying a moment of relaxation leaning back on the couch with her eyes closed after spring cleaning and decluttering

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/16/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/16/21

Raising Teens with ADHD: Redefining what 'success' means

Teen boy with ADHD sitting on a bench and having a serious conversation his mother Let’s face it, raising teens today is challenging. With 24/7 access to screens, peers and entertainment, it’s tough to set boundaries, especially during a pandemic. Regardless of their words, actions or attitudes, most teens dislike family conflict as much as their parents do. Parenting “a successful teen” means working together on creating expectations, goals and strategies that foster connected independence. Everybody has a different definition of “success.” What's important for parents raising teens with ADHD to do is to meet them where they are--not where you think they should be. This embodies a strong, parent-child connection that sets the stage for successfully addressing any issues. While there is a lot of emphasis on getting good grades, admissions to schools and colleges and awards for extracurricular activities as demonstrating ‘success’ for teens with and without ADHD, I believe that true ‘success’ for teens depends more on building lifelong tools for resilience and self-worth. When neurodiverse teens are able to tolerate and recover from disappointments, see mishaps as learning opportunities instead of failures, and believe that they have personal value regardless of their accomplishments, then they can be successful.

Parents can cultivate these aspects of ‘success’ by doing two main things:

A mother sitting with her daughter with ADHD, holding hands wit her daughter while they have an important conversation First, offer encouragement and validation of your child's efforts as much as their achievements. Secondly, nurture positive connections in your parent-teen relationship. This connection fosters self-esteem and self-confidence. When teens with ADHD feel like their parents believe in them, value their opinions and listen to what they have to say, they are more likely to feel better about themselves. In addition, they are more likely to bounce back from obstacles and believe in their own capabilities. This is what ‘success’ looks like in an adolescent.

Here are some tips for parents to raise “successful teens” with ADHD.

Practice compassion for yourself and them.

Everybody is doing the best they can with whatever tools and resources they have available at a given moment. The push-pull of this stage of development is confusing and challenging for all of you. When kids are acting out, they lack adequate coping skills for whatever situation they’re facing. Try to recall what your adolescence was like: the awkwardness, the peer pressure and the insecurity. This empathy makes a huge difference. Be kind to yourself and patient with them as you navigate this territory.

Offer less advice and collaborate on goals.

Teen with ADHD sitting outside on his computer holding his fist up with excitement about success and accomplishment

Teens want to feel listened to more than they want you to solve their problems. Use reflective listening so they feel heard and validated. Repeat what you hear them say before giving advice or telling what to do. Work together on establishing goals for school, chores and self-care. When kids with ADHD participate in setting up expectations with their parents, they are far more likely to buy into whatever plan is created.

Create consistent routines that build executive functioning skills:

Aim for steadiness, not perfection. When it comes to raising teens with ADHD, you want to teach them tools for organization, planning, prioritizing, time management, initiation and self-care. Routines foster these skills. Use incentives instead of punishments to enhance motivation and connect the have-to’s to the want-to’s such as extra screen time, driving lessons with you and going out.

Set screen limits.

Assist your son or daughter in making gaming, social media and surfing the net a part of a balanced life not the main attraction. They can’t do this themselves. Create screen free family times such as meals, walks or games where you can be with each other and have fun. Remember that, despite what your teens tell you, screen time is a privilege, not something they are entitled to.

Encourage efforts, not just accomplishments.

Paying attention to the process of working on tasks, and not just their completion, encourages teens to keep trying and stick with goals. Underneath whatever bluster they present, teens with ADHD want to feel like what they do matters and is acknowledged by their parents. Little positive comments go a long way. Teen standing on the top of a mountain on a beautiful cloudy afternoon with their arms spread wide with excitement for reaching the peak.

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/7/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/7/21

ADHD and Technology: Sensible Solutions to Screen (In)Sanity

Boy with ADHD wearing headphones looking upset raising a fist above his head as he looks at his laptop Do you feel like your child with ADHD has turned into a tech-obsessed stranger? If so, you are not alone. Many parents and caregivers are distraught and overwhelmed by the role that technology now plays in the lives of their children and teens. While you may sometimes want to throw the iPad, Chromebook, smartphone, etc. out of the window, I recommend that you take a deep breath and create a plan for a balanced media diet instead. The relationship between ADHD and technology can be positive, and a healthy balance will benefit your child and your family.

The acronym SCREENS can assist you with managing ADHD and technology:

Boy with ADHD sleeping on the wrong side of his bed at night next to his laptop which is open and on

Start with reasonable goals.

Collaborate on your technology plan.

Redirect to agreed-upon alternatives.

Expect pushback and decide in advance what to do.

Employ Easy on/Easy off technique.

Notice cooperation and nurture consistency.

Screens stay out of bedrooms at night.

Putting SCREENS to practice for ADHD and technology at home:

START with reasonable goals about media use right now.

During COVID, kids are on their technology more, plain and simple. But this doesn’t mean that they should have free rein over screen use in your family. What do you think is a reasonable daily amount of screen time? What do they think? If you are unsure, talk with your pediatrician or primary care provider for their advice on balancing ADHD and technology. The goal is balancing the high dopamine activities of online stimulation with lower dopamine periods to rebalance brain chemistry and settle down.

COLLABORATE on a plan about when and where screen time occurs.

A person on their phone, you can only see their hand and the phone and graphics of like and heart social media graphics floating from the phone into the air All screen time is not equal: there’s a difference between TikTok, texting, Snapchat, gaming, surfing the net and watching television. Talk about these differences and how to equalize them. Then, find neutral ground between what your kids want and what you think is best. The bar may be lower now due to COVID, and that’s okay. Let them know it’s an evolving situation where things can change.

REDIRECT and be very clear about what qualifies as inappropriate use of technology.

Sexting, online bullying, visiting unsuitable sites, sneaking devices and being online at 2 a.m indicate a lack of respect about screen privileges. Discuss these differences and set up logical consequences for these type of behaviors. In addition, set up ways for your child to earn back your trust.

EXPECT PUSHBACK and you will not be surprised when it arises once again.

Neurodivergent family of 6 meeting for dinner at the kitchen table while all distracted looking at their phones Your child or teen will not thank you for creating screen time as an earned privilege. In fact, they will most likely become angry and tell you that being online is their right. I don’t agree. Our children are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, love, healthcare, education and a secure environment. Screen time is not on this list. Instead, I see it as a ‘want-to” that follows the ‘have-to’s’ of life. Have a plan in place for this so you are prepared. Also, be sure to monitor your own screen use. Kids with ADHD can smell hypocrisy a mile away. They will howl if adults stay on their phone at dinner but the kids’ phones are relinquished for a quiet meal.

**EMPLOY EASY ON/EASY OFF TECHNIQUE and think about the role that you want technology to play in your family.**

Decide how much screen time (not for school) you want your child or teen to have daily. Have a conversation about how much they desire. Then, decide on a baseline amount and a bonus amount of time. Perhaps the baseline is one hour after homework is completed and another two hours for earned time. How kids EASE OFF baseline once it is completed determines if they earn some of the bonus time. You can also attach bonus time to completion of chores, lack of yelling or cursing, readiness for school, going to bed on time, etc. Any desired behavior should be linked to earned screen time. Write down your plan and post it in the kitchen so it can be referred to easily.

NOTICE AND VALIDATE COOPERATION; managing ADHD and technology is not easy.

Neurodivergent adolescent boy smiling with his mother as they wash the dishes. Notice and validate any cooperation your child offers and expect to adjust the plan along the way. Balancing ADHD and technology as a child or teen is really difficult! Pick a time for a short weekly family meeting to discuss the earned privileges plan (maybe give it a snappy name) and how it’s going. Expect to make adjustments, but do not do this in the middle of an escalation. Your child will exert many tactics to get you to back down. Stay steady!! Let them know that all changes can be discussed in the weekly meeting and that negotiation does not mean they will get what they want. A good compromise occurs when everybody is a bit unhappy with the agreement.

SCREENS STAY OUT OF BEDROOMS AT NIGHT to avoid sneaking and using technology at inappropriate times.

Our brains need a break from looking at a screen to integrate, regroup and rest. Middle-of-the night texting, gaming or watching YouTube videos disrupts kids’ sleep and makes for tired, cranky children. Set up a screen-free family time during the day (meals, chores, games, baking, sports, etc.). This will give kids a chance to connect with others and practice real time social skills. It will also foster closer relationships with you through conversation and activity.

Good luck, and remember that any change takes time, practice and patience to take hold!

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Learn more:

From Screen Time to Safe Socializing: The Summer 2020 Guide for ADHD Families (Additude Magazine article by Dr. Saline)

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/managing-technology-families-video/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/smartphones/ Read more about ADHD

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/1/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 3/1/21

Perfectionism and ADHD: Why 'good enough' is better than perfect

Do you have a child or teen who needs to get things right or else? Perfectionism can be motivating and debilitating. While it’s admirable to want to do our best and strive for academic, social and professional success, many folks with perfectionism and ADHD go beyond this desire to do well. They create unrealistic standards of success, compare themselves negatively to neurotypical peers and focus too much on the end result and not the process of getting there. Learning to aim for steadiness and ‘good enough’ can relieve pressure that kids with ADHD put on themselves, and that adults set for them as well.

Perceived positives of perfectionism and ADHD

There are several helpful aspects of perfectionism that assist kids with ADHD to get started and keep going on tasks and projects. They want to achieve a personal standard, create a piece of work or express themselves with pride and satisfaction. Perfectionism also contributes to the productive side of worry. It helps people by encouraging planning and fostering initiation such as doing homework, getting to work on time or remembering to charge your phone.

The pitfalls of perfectionism

But, perfectionism also limits people, especially children and teens with ADHD. The unhelpful aspects of perfectionism and ADHD include:

Self-criticism (negative self-talk)
Rigidity (not completely right means failure)
Fear of disappointment (self or others)
Avoidance of failure (not trying because effort won’t earn desired result)
Sensitivity to feedback (defensiveness)
Discouragement/depression (low self-worth due to incomplete goals)

Anxiety and procrastination

A boy with perfectionism and ADHD hiding his face behind his hands out of shame Perfectionism and ADHD can exacerbate anxiety and reflect worry about things we think we cannot control. When kids have experienced previous struggles with chores, homework or class assignments, they worry about whether they can perform necessary tasks. They aren’t sure that they’ve got what it takes to do what is being asked of them. They are concerned about possible failure and want to avoid any embarrassment. If your child struggles with organization and prioritizing, then they don’t know where to begin and how to maintain perspective which makes things worse. Finn, age 16, tells me “ It’s hard to let go of the little stuff because everything is important.” This is where perfectionism procrastination kicks in. Kids with ADHD can be so immobilized by their worry about messing up that they don’t get started. They tell themselves “If I can’t get this just right, why bother?” They attempt to limit future mistakes and reduce potential shame by putting things off. This concern about humiliation, combined with low self-confidence about their capability, lie underneath perfectionism procrastination in neurodiverse kids.

Reframing goals and expectations for kids with perfectionism and ADHD

Happy father high-fiving his young son with perfectionism and ADHD at the kitchen table, applauding progress over perfection Reframing the goals and how to proceed on meeting them reduces perfectionism. The first step is to keep things simple. When you break tasks down into smaller, do-able parts, kids are more likely to make efforts and keep trying--even if things aren’t exactly right. The stakes are lower for kids with perfectionism and ADHD because things are smaller. Therefore, “mistakes” have less consequence or value. When they work on these tasks and complete them--imperfect but finished--they start to overcome perfectionism. When kids can accept that something is good enough, they start to build a standard to apply to bigger items. Of course, determining what is good enough comes from a collaborative conversation that might also include the school to set appropriate ideals. When they attempt and then complete these easier goals, they are learning the skills to accept the reality of imperfection that all of us deal with. There is a difference between accountability (owning and accepting what you do with honesty and calm) and perfectionism (needing everything to be a certain way and judging yourself negatively when it’s not).

Together, set up a goal roadmap with your son or daughter.

A goal roadmap lays out the trail of where you want to go and how to get there. Most children and teens with ADHD cannot do this themselves. They need you (or a coach, therapist or learning support person) to assist with mapping out the territory: what needs to be done when, what’s acceptable in terms of quality and quantity, what is most important and what is less relevant. Then you outline the manageable steps along the way.

Focus on the process of living and learning.

People are supposed to make errors, regroup and try again. You can’t say enough to your child with perfectionism and ADHD. This is how learning occurs in the human brain. It fosters that essential growth mindset: one where they try things and derive value from efforting as much or more than outcome. We want to aid neurodiverse kids in accepting themselves as normal because they are perfectly imperfect, with strengths and challenges - just like the rest of us. A big, happy neurodiverse family picture of multiple generations hugging outside in the sunlight and looking at the camera

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Learn more from Dr. Saline's interviews & more:

Perfectionism, Shoulds & Adult ADHD (ADHD Support Talk Radio interview with Dr. Saline)
How Does ADHD Relate to Perfectionism, Anxiety & Procrastination? (ADDitude Mag ADHD Parenting Q&A w/ Dr. Saline)

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/23/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/23/21

Overcoming 3 Common ADHD Parenting Struggles during COVID

Many families living with ADHD feel bogged down right now. As the COVID winter drags on, remote/hybrid learning combined with parents’ professional responsibilities are beyond tiresome. Families are arguing more than they would like as everybody’s fed up and kids are often pushing back. Although we can see a light at the end of this long pandemic tunnel, we’re not there yet. What can you do today to ease the tension in your life and improve connections with your child or teen? Improving cooperation at home means starting with listening and observing what your kids are saying and showing you with their words and behaviors. Most kids with ADHD are well beyond their coping comfort zone. They’ve stretched and adapted to this year of online school, social distancing and peer isolation as much as they can. They’ve relied on screens for their education, their play and their socializing. Many are regressing in terms of self-reliant living skills and they are depending on you in ways they haven’t in a long time. They may well be acting out towards you because they can’t contain their anger, anxiety or frustration any longer. You are their safe harbor. It’s so tough not to react in these explosive moments but self-Control and Compassion are what’s called for. As long as you import whatever negativity they are exporting and react strongly, your upset becomes their focus. They’ve succeeded in getting rid of their unmanageable emotions and can blame you for being unreasonable instead. But this isn’t a healthy solution. Instead, manage yourself with whatever tools you can (breathing, using the bathroom, drinking some water) and use reflective listening to mirror what you hear them saying. Make sure you set ground rules with logical consequences (not punishments) for physical behaviors such as kicking, hitting or breaking things or using inappropriate language. Tell them, if you do X, you will not earn Y. Limits help kids understand that their choices affect others. Once you are steadier, you can address your family’s current challenges. I’m hearing about three main themes from people: stress, negativity and boredom that lie at the core of many difficulties. Let’s look at each of them.

Stress:

Whether it’s food, job or housing insecurity, pressure from work or school demands, everybody has a shorter fuse these days. Some of the tension comes from having unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our children based on how people performed previously. Many kids with and without ADHD have lost some of their coping skills. You can assist them by adjusting your expectations to the reality of the present situation. Whatever children and teens were able to accomplish in pre-COVID school and life may be very different from what they can do now. If your child or teen is really struggling to attend classes and do the work, arrange a meeting with the school right away and talk about what types of support and alternative learning options are available. At home, have a family meeting about chores that includes when to do them and any supervision your child may need. Link their “have-to” tasks to their “want-to” activities and have them earn bonus screen time, family games or picking the take-out menu. Shift the bar and re-establish the bare minimum. You can always raise it again when the pandemic is over.

Negativity:

All of us continue to live with more worry and frustration than we are accustomed to. Kids feel confused, sometimes despairing, about what they’ve been missing and many have lost hope about the future. It’s difficult for ADHD brains, with their NOW/NOT NOW thinking, to see a better time ahead when the present feels miserable. We’re seeing higher levels of anxiety as ‘what if’ thoughts circulate in kids’ heads and they expect and exaggerate negative outcomes. With higher levels of anxiety, isolation and anger, we’re also observing more depression, particularly in teens, as they have moved on from disappointment to loss of hope or a sense of meaninglessness about their lives. Much as you would like to, it’s impossible to snap your fingers and make everything better. But you can help them shift their perspective. Instead of focusing on what’s not working, on their powerlessness to change things and in their isolation, you can work with them on controlling what they can. Forget about the ‘I should’s” and focus on what they actually CAN do. Talk about resilience fatigue, discuss what coping looks like and start a tradition of naming a high and low (or as one of my clients calls it ‘a happy and a crappy’) at dinner. You want to make small shifts from what isn’t working to paying attention to what is.

Boredom:

We’ve all got this. Instead of aiming for happiness based on previous levels of activity, aim for satisfaction. Routines that foster predictability and organization are so important for kids, especially those with ADHD. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t shake things up a bit. Together, brainstorm a list of zany things to do:

have breakfast for dinner once a week;
make popcorn and have a mandatory family movie night;
visit a local place you’ve never been and have wanted to check out;
return to a favorite ice cream parlor that’s a car drive or bus ride away;
host a short zoom dance party in your living room and let each family member pick a song;
have an ongoing card game or puzzle.

Ask your friends for ideas of things they’ve been doing to break up the monotony. Make the effort to leave the house a few times a week, if not daily. Go outside to parks, trails or walking paths you’ve not visited before. Exercise with your kids so you all get moving. The fresh air, sunlight and nature will lift all of your spirits.

Learn more:

Read more about ADHD

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/15/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/15/21

Divorce and the ADHD Family: 3 Essential Tips for Better Co-Parenting

Child with ADHD standing between her divorced mothers and holding their hands with hearts drawn on the wall behind her Divorce is so complicated. It can be tough on both kids and parents. For kids with ADHD who already struggle with organization, time management and transitions, going from one home to another can be disconcerting. They need their parent to establish and maintain consistency between the homes, whether that's two sets of favorite toys or assistance packing their stuff. The most important thing for predicting a positive outcome for these children and teens is how well the divorcing parents can place their kids’ well-being over their own discord. This means that, despite whatever animosity or distance has led to the divorce, both adults consider what serves their youngsters in terms of their lives not just what works best for the parents. To that end, here are 3 suggestions.

Take the long view on adaptation:

Child with ADHD and her divorced parents, standing as she says goodbye to her father who is kneeling infront of her with his suitcase by the door, while her mother stands by and watches Think about what will help your child or teen adjust to the new family arrangement. Getting used to different homes and shifting structure takes time and can be uncomfortable. Go slowly to help kids adjust to the massive changes in their lives. Be patient and expect pushback in terms of anger, anxiety or withdrawal. Instead of judging them or getting frustrated, acknowledge current challenges by saying something like “Of course you are struggling, we all are. That’s normal in this situation.”

Create consistency:

Separate homes shouldn’t mean separate rules, responsibilities and routines. The more consistency there can be between thetwo homes, the better it is for the kids. Of course, you and your ex don’t have to do everything in the exact same way and you probably won’t. That’s one reason you’re not together. But be on the same page about the big stuff such as screen allowances, academic responsibilities and logical consequences for inappropriate behaviors.

Manage negativity towards the other parent:

Child with ADHD sitting on the floor with her teddy bear in the dark with her eyes over her head as shadows of her divorced parents fighting are on the wall This might be the toughest task but bad-talking the other parent to your child only creates unnecessary anger and resentment ultimately towards YOU. No child wants to be caught in the middle of any battles between their parents. Do your best to find someone else to complain to: a therapist, coach, good friend, sibling, cousin--anybody. You want to be able to show your child that you can support and celebrate them as a family at sporting events, graduations, performances, etc. in their lives. Take a deep breath--you've got this!

Learn more:

5 Tips for Parenting Neurodiverse Kids on the Same Page

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/9/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/9/21

Teens, ADHD and Procrastination

Teen with ADHD looking out the window while sitting on the couch wearing overear headphones plugged into the phone Many teens with ADHD procrastinate and appear to lack self-discipline. Why? Sometimes they have anxiety around how to approach the task, how to complete the task or possible outcomes of failure or rejection. Sometimes they have perfectionistic tendencies that require energy and focus and can delay them wanting to start a task. On the other hand, they may struggle with motivation and/or confidence because they have either given up on themselves or have received messages that the adults in their lives have given up on them. Other times, they can't come up with any solutions to help them feel motivated for self-discipline. So how do you know what's really going on with your teen's ADHD and procrastination, and how can you support them? Let's dive in.

Teens with ADHD: Independent?

Teens with ADHD can push back extra hard because they have heard countless times over the years about what they don't do right. Argh! It takes courage each day to go to school. They often don't feel successful academically and, even if they are, they are still immersed in challenges.

Teens with ADHD tend to want to do most things themselves. They want autonomy and to put parents on an "as needed" basis. They're learning more about themselves and are interested in leaning more into their social groups and communities. Yet, they still rely on parents for safety, security and support. Striving for connected independence often works best.

Mom having a positive talk with with teen daughter with ADHD at coffeeshop

Ask. Collaborate

In this discussion on ADHD and procrastination, I want to highlight the 3rd of my 5 C's of ADHD Parenting.- Collaboration

Collaboration: Work together with your child and co-parent (if you have one) to find solutions to daily challenges instead of imposing your rules on them.

It can be hard, sometimes really hard, not demanding, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you finish a simple worksheet!" These reactions are hurtful and are often based in exhaustion, when our proverbial cups are less than half full. Take time, when you both are feeling calm and ready to talk, to connect with your teen instead, and listen to what they have to say about their thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Ask, as an Unbiased Researcher

"What's happening so that you can't do X, Y, Z?"

Now we can look at data and address changes that can help motivate our teen AND help change their inner dialogue.

Understand Shame

Teen boy with ADHD sitting on the ground at school with his head down between his knees, looking like he's feeling anger, sadness or shame

What is the leading cause of wanting to do everything themselves? Shame.

"I was embarrassed that I had a disability. I didn't want to be seen as someone who needed extra help."

"Let me do it myself. I don't like people seeing me as weak."

You may not see shame. Instead, you might feel their anger, see their tears, or hear yelling about something unrelated.

Procrastination and Initiation

What it the biggest reason teens with ADHD struggle with procrastination? They often have trouble getting started. What may seem easy to us, may seem enormous to people with ADHD. They can be masters of avoidance. "Why start it if I can't ......?"

Initiation has to do with the size of the task, their interest in the task (dopamine reward), and the level of difficulty for the task. Breaks make a daunting project seem more manageable.

Start Small

Two teens having a good time sitting on a grass and doing computer work.

Executive functioning challenges that often accompany ADHD and impact procrastination include struggles with initiation, planning and time management. Breaking down assignments into chunks makes tasks seem much more manageable -- making them easier to approach and get started. This also helps teens plan out the steps into a series of smaller tasks.

Before starting, prepare for how long they can realistically focus. For instance, ask, "How many examples can you do before you want to throw your book across the room?" Then, they might say, "Five." Start with the number they say, and then take a break.

Jot down the tasks and notes so you can keep track and not worry about remembering any or all of the steps. Write down how long tasks are expected to take, and reflect on how long they actually took. I highly recommend creating your own personal project planner so you can organize your tasks in a creative, visual structure that works for you.

3 Ways to Make Tasks Seem Smaller:

1. Use a timer.

This method makes the task of completing an assignment in that clocks hands, not the parents. "Cool. Okay, let's work for 5 minutes and then take a 3 minute break. I will set the timer for the break. When it goes off, you can do 5 more. When you completed an hour, you can have a longer break."

2. Make lists.

Teens with ADHD and procrastination challenges often have trouble planning what to do -- and when. Sit down and ask, "Do you want to do the hardest first, then medium-difficulty, and then easiest? Or easiest first for a sense of success, and then harder, and medium last?" This works well for homework, chores, etc.

3. Make tasks fun!

Listen to music. (Their preferred music is best!) Tell jokes or stories of fun memories. Time yourselves for how fast you can pick up portions of the room, and make a game of it!

Father helping his daughter with ADHD with a electrical project

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/2/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 2/2/21

ADHD and Defiance during COVID: What can you do instead of yelling?

A young child angrily yelling with his fists up and letters coming out of his mouth showing ADHD and defiance There are so many facets to kids with ADHD. Yes, they are creative, passionate, energetic and smart. Yes, they can also be distractible, impulsive, intense and strong-willed. And yes, COVID is making things that were previously challenging harder in many ways and also adding new hurdles. Because of this new stress, your child or teen might be more angry or pushing back at you more often. These situations, impacted by ADHD and defiance, deteriorate quickly. With all of the frustration, disappointment and isolation children and teens are feeling these days, it’s even harder to self-regulate. Your child may fly off the handle, disrespect you verbally or refuse to listen to what you have to say. What are your options in these volatile times, other than yelling, taking things away or banishing them from your sight? How can you maintain stability in your parent-child relationship and in your home?

Kids don't like emotional explosions, either.

Nobody really likes meltdowns, explosions and arguments, regardless how defensive or nonchalant your child or teen may seem. Kids with ADHD have told Mother at the table helping her son with ADHD do homework while speaking into a microphone too close to him as he backs away. me repeatedly that they feel bad about themselves after these outbursts and many parents also regret what they’ve said or done. But, in moments of high emotion, people naturally stop listening and quickly move into fight-flight-or-freeze mode. In this state, whether or not your struggle with ADHD and defiance, you’re not listening. Instead, you’re reacting, and rationality has flown out of the window.

Expect challenges with ADHD and defiant behavior so you're prepared to manage them.

Instead of being surprised every time there’s defiance, explosive anger or disrespectful behavior, it’s more useful to expect that these will occur and rely on a strategy for when they do. It’s the resistance and the combativeness that wears families down.

Implement PAUSE to better manage ADHD and defiance at home.

PAUSE: Plan to Accept Understand Set Limits and Encourage

My PAUSE program lays the foundation for making different choices and fostering stability at home. Here’s how it works:

A chalkboard illustration of a hand pressing the word PAUSE that's drawn as a button.

PLAN:

You’ve got to focus on making a plan to cope with the pattern of anger for yourself and your child rather than deal with its changing content. Otherwise, you’ll be playing Whack A Mole nonstop. A notebook on a table next to coffee with the blank outline for a plan on it

In a quiet moment, make a list of what you can easily do to stay grounded. If you are feeling dysregulated, you won’t be able to respond effectively and help your youngster calm down.

Whether it’s going to the bathroom to collect yourself for a few minutes, getting a glass of water or opening a window, break up the action in a non-threatening way. This re-centering needs to be your first, reflexive step to slow down the fast-paced action.

Once you’ve clarified this for yourself, sit with your child and ask them what helps them regroup. Then, ask them how much time they need for this. Write down their options, and post the list in their room or in the kitchen.

ACCEPT:

Stop trying to convince your child or teen of anything. Rather, accept where you both are in a given moment. Remember, they stopped listening the moment that they became activated. What they want is to be seen and heard by you.

Acknowledge what they are saying with reflective listening. “I heard you say this, is that right?” When they feel that you are paying attention, instead of correcting them for cursing at you or justifying why you called the school about their F in English, they will start to settle. It may be tense and uncomfortable, but you can do this. You’ve probably handled a lot of other unpleasant situations impacted by ADHD and defiance before.

UNDERSTAND:

An adolescent with ADHD holds her hands to her temples as she looks at the camera, annoyed as her mother holds their hands out in question in the background.

As tough as it can be, empathy is what’s called for when kids, especially those with ADHD, are distressed. Their feelings have overwhelmed their thinking brains. In addition, their weaker executive functioning skills simply cannot manage their heightened emotions. They are acting out because they lack the resources to do anything different in those moments. Neurodivergent kids need caring adults to dig deep and find some compassion rather than exploding about how they should get their act together.

When a child is resistant, oppositional or intransigent, many parents feel desperate to regain authority and establish stability by taking things away from their kids. While punishments may offer short-term relief, they don’t bring long-term success. Avoid saying things like, “I’m taking away your phone for 3 days. You can’t talk to me that way.” Turn it around and say, “You have not earned the privilege of using your phone with that language. When you can go for 3 days without cursing, you’ll get it back. That’s the agreement we have.” Relying on appropriate incentives is what shifts negativity to cooperation.

SET LIMITS:

Our goal is teaching kids with ADHD the executive functioning skills they need for self-regulation, socializing and productivity. It’s a natural part of living to become angry, to want to get your own way and to avoid disappointment. But it’s not okay to be aggressive about these. What we want is our kids to be motivated to make other choices.

Punishment doesn’t teach any lasting skills and rules with fear. Logical consequences, on the other hand, allow you to set limits and use meaningful incentives as motivators. Place “have-to’s” before “want-to’s.” The trick is staying steady in the face of your child or teen’s displeasure and following through. Limits are meaningless if they are not consistently followed. In a family meeting or a quiet moment, make collaborative agreements about actions and words that are unwelcome.

ENCOURAGE:

Father having a supportive conversation his teenage son with ADHD on a bench at a park

Once the storm has passed, focus on the present moment. What needs to happen NOW to move beyond its wreckage? You may want to address your underlying concerns and let them know how they have messed up. But will this serve them to learn the skills they need and strengthen your relationship? This is not a time to teach any lessons. The situation is still too raw for your child or teen, and such a conversation may trigger the outburst all over again.

They need encouragement rather than blame at this moment. Talk about the next move to get on with things. Then, later that day or some time tomorrow, casually wonder about the take-aways from what happened. Was there anything each of you regret? How would you like to deal with that type of behavior in the future? This opens conversation, explores options and fosters collaborative engagement.

Managing ADHD and defiance will take time and patience.

Be patient with yourself and your family as you transition to this model. Everybody has a shorter fuse right now, so it may take longer to get this going. That’s okay. It’s one step at a time!

Read more blog posts:

Watch on YouTube:

ADHD and Oppositional Defiance (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
Anger Management with ADHD (ADDitude Mag Q&A with Dr. Saline)
How to Get Your Teens to Open Up (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/18/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/18/21

Beyond ADHD Pandemic Burnout: How to help your family regroup and find strength

Mother parenting kids with ADHD experiencing pandemic burnout and resilience fatigue looking distressed as they 5 kids play behind her If you are tired of hearing about how you and your family need to bounce back again as 2021 (and 2022) perpetuates the same problems as 2020, you are not alone. One mother of a fifteen year-old boy with ADHD and dyslexia who hates virtual school and is barely passing his courses told me she is “sick and tired of hearing about resilience. I’m drained and he’s depressed. That’s our reality.” She’s experiencing pandemic burnout and is flooded with resilience fatigue: exhaustion from facing daily challenges with resourcefulness and strength that’s just not there. Sound familiar?

The myth about resilience

A light at the end of a tunnel that a railroad track goes through Resilience is the ability to rebound from difficulties. There’s a myth that resilience is about your character. It actually has as much, if not more, to do with your socioeconomic status, religious and ethnic background. Numerous obstacles such as financial stress, unemployment, bigotry and systemic racism demand resources beyond ‘resilience.’ Similarly, children and adults living with ADHD, persistent mental health issues or physical or learning disabilities struggle daily with challenges that demand effective coping strategies. When we offer platitudes about “digging deep” and “finding your resilience,” we may inadvertently dismiss the validity of these struggles.

Resilience fatigue: the pandemic burnout is real

Resilience fatigue comes from being depleted mentally, physically and emotionally. It is REAL and particularly now. You, your neurodiverse kids, your extended family and our global community have been stressed and stretched by the pandemic beyond our capacities for months. COVID restrictions, indoor living and social isolation have worn us all down. It’s hard to envision bouncing back to something that we can’t see. Where is the light at the end of this tunnel anyway? For kids with ADHD who live with NOW/NOT NOW brains, seeing the future and focusing on what’s coming next is already tough. If the NOW is unpleasant (whether that’s another day of virtual school, reading Hamlet or cleaning the cat’s litter box), it doesn’t matter how great whatever is happening later may be. There’s just not enough dopamine in their brains to sustain interest and action to get through the unbearable present. Instructing them to buckle up and ride this pandemic out for a distant tomorrow seems really impossible when they're wiped out. A person pouring coffee onto the table, missing the cup, with her head down on the kitchen table. As parents, your tank is likely on ‘empty’ too. Sadly, it seems like many parents I talk to feel ashamed of their depletion. You go on social media and see how other mothers or fathers manage to be productive, create and maintain activities for their kids, stay fit and prepare gorgeous meals. But, you can’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides. Whatever people are posting is what they want you to believe. Underneath their smiles lie similar struggles to your own.

How to cope with resilience fatigue and pandemic burnout

The antidote to resilience fatigue is compassion--for yourself and for your kids. When people feel resilience fatigue, they’re not only exhausted but they are judging themselves for what they aren’t doing. This is especially true for neurodivergent kids with ADHD, LD or ASD who find virtual school difficult and aren’t doing well. Their current challenges reinforce whatever negative self-talk they already engage in. So, we’ve got to pivot to paying more attention to what is going well enough, adjusting expectations to meet the reality of pandemic life and reducing negative expectations for failure. Follow these steps to regroup and rekindle the spark of strength that you all possess:

1. Start with acknowledging how you feel:

family of three sitting on the couch using sign language to communicate. Stop judging yourself and your kids for being the way you are. Resist comparisons with other families and students. When you accept how you and your kids are actually doing--the good, the bad and the ugly, you move from the draining, self-defeating statements of ‘I should’ and live with the soothing balm of refueling statements of ‘I can.’ Coping with resilience fatigue starts with acceptance. Ask your son or daughter with ADHD what is one ‘should’ they tell themselves? How can you work together to transform this statement into a ‘can’?

2. Change ideas about personal failure:

Resilience fatigue in the midst of this pandemic has very little to individual limitations and everything to do with how the government and health care system let us down. This burnout is a natural process related to the grief, hopelessness and helplessness we all have felt at some time during this past traumatic year. Cut yourself some slack and revamp your expectations for your neurodiverse kids and your family. At your weekly family meeting or during dinner, ask everyone to share one hope for themselves in the coming week. Explore what type of support they may need to bring it to fruition. Then, next week, check in about this and identify another hope. By talking about hopes instead of expectations, there’s a greater chance of a small success. Hope can shift pessimism to positivity.

3. Focus on contentment, not happiness:

Father playfully singing with the remote with his preteen who is playing air guitar on the pillow. Where happiness is fleeting, contentment reflects ongoing satisfaction. We can’t snap our fingers and erase the COVID world, but we can create a few rituals that make us smile. Have breakfast for dinner once a week. Make popcorn and have a mandatory family movie night. Visit a local place you’ve never been or one that you really love. Host a short zoom dance party in your living room and let each family member pick a song. Ask your friends for ideas of things they’ve been doing to break up the monotony.

4. Go backwards to go forwards:

Look back as a family on what has helped you thus far get through the pandemic. Help your kids be as specific as possible. They may need some nudging as recalling positive stuff is tough for many folks, particularly those with ADHD. Write down each idea on a large piece of paper and put it in the kitchen or tv room for everyone to see. When you examine what tools fostered previous resilience, you’ll see the drops of water needed to refill your dry well right in front of you. Pick one to practice for a week, otherwise it might overwhelm you and be self-defeating. One of my favorite mentors says: “When you get to the end of your rope, make a knot and hold on.” Holding on, resting there, resetting and regrouping will help your family cope with resilience fatigue. These practices will help rebuild your collective and personal strengths, too. Mother playing with her teens with ADHD out in nature on a swing to relieve stress from pandemic burnout

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/12/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/12/21

Teens and Young Adults in the Pandemic

What are some of the adjustments that teens and young adults are making in the pandemic?

Teens and young adults are making many, many adjustments recently. Not only are they unable to see their friends and connect in familiar surrounding, but they are also facing the uncertainty of what comes next. If they are still enrolled in college or high school - virtually, in-person or in a hybrid version - they are leaving behind the familiar structure of home, school and community. Yearning for adulthood, while longed for, can be overwhelming. Those with ADHD are more than likely struggling in social distancing. College is not a college experience. The activities, in person classrooms, clubs, teams, fraternities, etc are gone. The same applies to high school students too. Pods need to be formed, and strictly adhered to versus bumping into friends at the cafeteria. It’s a huge shift in many areas simultaneously.

How can parents and loved ones can help ease the burden?

It’s important that parents and loved ones acknowledge the enormity of this transition and don’t compare their own experiences with those of their children. Things have changed a lot and many young adults struggle under the burden of huge financial debt, social isolation, a high cost of living or the disappointment of living at home, and a tight job market. Staying compassionate, offering to assist them and collaborate on tasks and being available to talk through emotions related to this change is most helpful. Don’t solve issues. Instead, offer your suggestions and avoid getting hurt if they aren’t taken. Young adults often like to figure things out for themselves, which means trial-and-error learning. Sometimes the best support you can give is managing your own frustrations, sharing your feelings without blame or guilt and validating their successes.

Tips for helping young adults and teens adapt a healthy routine in the pandemic

Young adult teen stressing out on the couch with her head down and holding her hand to her head Having a daily routine offers structure and freedom. It’s critical to set aside a specific period of time for attending classes, school work and applying to jobs each day so these activity has boundaries. These daily activities can become tedious and deflating, particularly in a pandemic. They can spread into all aspects of your life as the list of things you should be doing keeps growing. Eventually, avoidance accompanies discouragement and overwhelm. Talk with your son or daughter about marking off a few hours each day (preferably in the morning to get it over with) for necessary activities. This will assist them in feeling accomplished each day. It will also help them feel competent because they’ve done something in a time frame that they laid out. Then, they can do whatever they want. Help young adults limit screen time. In doing so, advocate for doing other things that interest them and make them feel good. Exercise, time with friends, shopping and cooking--these are all activities that contribute to healthy living. Teach them how to shop, balance their bank account, make a budget and understand their health/car insurances. These skills are not necessarily second-nature, and it’s very common to need extra support in learning them. Keep an eye on your child. If you notice changes, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Even very "strong" people are struggling in this pandemic.

Learn more:

Millennial loneliness and depression
Reducing teen stress and anxiety during the pandemic
Dealing with Defiant ADHD Teens and Tweens in this Strange COVID Summer
How to Get Your Teens to Open Up (WWLP 22 News Interviews Clinical Psychologist Dr. Saline)

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/6/21 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 1/6/21

How to Transform Anxiety in Kids with ADHD to Excitement

Teen kid with ADHD having anxiety and looking nervous in front of a bright purple background Do you ever notice how your heart races in similar ways when you’re anxious and when you’re excited? The energy courses through your body and brain, and you feel a type of exhilaration. Of course, it’s more negative for anxiety and more positive for excitement. In both cases, however, our adrenaline is activated because anxiety and excitement really are like two sides of the same coin. Managing both types of these intense, overwhelming reactions is especially taxing for kids with ADHD due to their challenges with impulse control and emotional regulation. How can you help transform anxiety in kids with ADHD into eager anticipation?

The human brain is wired for negative expectancy.

Negative expectancy has helped us survive for centuries, whether it’s avoiding tigers in the jungle or mastering the art of riding a bicycle. We make mistakes or encounter challenges and learn to adapt, accommodate and overcome. This ability to persist and bounce back is the antidote to anxiety and the foundation of excitement. Anxiety weakens confidence and courage by feeding doubt. Kids don’t believe that things will work out. Based on previous struggles, they expect the worst.

Excitement reflects optimism--hope that something good is going to happen.

Kids are excited for things they look forward to, believe they will enjoy or think they can accomplish. Nervousness can be a precursor to excitement: once a child or teen has learned the skill associated with a new task or situation, they shift from insecurity to anticipation.

With a history of impulsive or distracted behaviors, school difficulties and social challenges, many of your sons and daughters are afraid to hold a positive outlook when faced with something unexpected or different. They’re insecure that they possess the coping skills to successfully meet the novel demands they encounter. They need you to remind them of previous situations when they took a chance, stuck with something hard and succeeded. Working memory challenges for the ADHD brain make this recall particularly difficult in the face of strong negative emotions.

While many fears justify anxiety in kids with ADHD, others may not.

Sometimes it’s a simple act of changing the language that we use to describe our experiences that encourages an alternative perspective. This may sound trite, but our narratives really frame our actions and outlooks. We want to help kids with ADHD shift away from anxiety that globalizes fear and uncertainty. Instead, we want to move them towards a framework of improving inadequate skills. This fosters a growth mindset and helps them pivot towards excitement.

Help kids with ADHD identify feelings of anxiety

What would it be like to assist your child in noticing the energy they are feeling when they feel nervous or worried? Observe what you see happening with neutral statements like “I see that your voice is getting louder and your face is flushed. Tell me about your concerns.” In addition, ask them about the flip side of the anxiety: “What would it be like if you were excited instead of afraid? What is something you could do differently or what other options can we discuss that might make this situation turn out better than expected?” Every small win, every small shift to a positive perception, is a success.

As we embrace 2021, following a year of many challenges and much anxiety, I encourage you to commit your family to take a small step towards a new perspective. When someone expresses worry about something where a pivot is possible, investigate the energy, name it and see what happens. Standing at this crossroads, travel down the path of excitement for an alternative.

Happy kids with ADHD showing an exciting, accomplished gesture with her arms

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/30/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/30/20

ADHD in the New Year: Grow Something Good

Person celebrating a structure saying 2021 on top of a mountain cliff and pushing away the 0 from 2020 Let’s face it, New Year’s resolutions rarely work. We all set well-intentioned goals about what we can do differently that rarely come to fruition. This year, I’d like to encourage you and your family to try something different. Instead of choosing something that isn’t going well, what would happen if you nurture one thing that makes you happy, that you are already making progress on? My guess is that you and your child or teen with ADHD would feel more competent and confident. Kids with ADHD have really struggled this year. As alternative learners who generally do better when school is in person, they’ve had to make tough adjustments to accommodate online learning during the pandemic. They’ve lost valuable daily social contact that brings them joy, helps with self-esteem and offers cues for how to behave in classes. There’s been so much disappointment across the board. For many children and teens with ADHD who already experience more negative self-talk than Neurotypical peers, pandemic challenges have intensified patterns of self-criticism. Working with them to alter these patterns by focusing on Celebration (the 5th of my 5C’s) is the best New Year’s resolution you can make. How can you shift from things that aren’t going well, from anger about the pandemic and social isolation to something brighter? By paying attention to and acknowledging the small successes of every day. I’m not talking about being a pollyanna: I’m talking about the act of acknowledging big and small positive stuff throughout each day of the week. This means validating efforts as well as successes in ways that encourage your son or daughter to see the progress they are making, to notice what’s working and to continue with desired actions. When you nourish the seed of an attitude or behavior that is already starting to bud, you are building on success. Given all of the inherent difficulties of 2020, when you shift to enhancing what is beginning to take root, you’re helping your family to move forward positively. Of course, you have to manage inappropriate behaviors, foul language and non-cooperation. That’s a key part of parenting. I’m inviting you to balance what’s difficult with increased attention and feedback about what is actually going well--enough. Kids with ADHD already struggle with feeling like they are not enough or different in a “bad” way. They really need your support to develop the parts of themselves that are appropriate, helpful and positive. Instead of making New Year’s resolutions about a host of ongoing problems that just generate shame and failure, let’s cultivate the plants that are already in the garden right now. Your kids with ADHD have already adapted to the best of their abilities given their personal resources to online learning, socially distant friendships and extended time at home. For now, let’s honor those successes before moving onto what needs improvement. There will be plenty of time for that soon enough. Fertilize, water and nurture desired behaviors as much or more than giving corrective statements.

Grow Something Good in the New Year:

1. Reflect:

Take a few moments and think about what ways your child has matured in 2020 and how your parenting has shifted. What are they able to manage more effectively and independently than they could a year ago? What are you doing differently? Write these down. Then, set aside a time (perhaps during your weekly family meeting) to ask your child or teen to consider their own growth. Repeat what you hear them say and then write these down too.

2. Investigate:

Adolescent girl sitting on the couch as she talks to her mother who is asking her questions about the new year Ask your child which of these skills or actions they feel particularly proud of and want to see continue. Is there anything you can do to support them in their efforts to keep this good stuff going? Are there any tweaks to family agreements that would be useful? Brainstorm any new interventions and pick ONE step to move forward.

3. Notice:

Use encouraging statements that reflect your observations about how they are doing. “I notice X. That’s good progress.” OR “I see that you are trying this. That’s cool.” OR “It looks like you’ve done a great job. Bravo! Here’s a high five!” Remember, getting through every day can be an achievement and let’s honor that fortitude. Family of three holding their hands in heart shapes as they have a zoom meeting with their family for new years

Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/21/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/21/20

ADHD and 2020: How to Pivot to Positivity as an Uncertain Year Ends

A person holding a mask worn during the pandemic that says Goodbye 2020 on it What a year this has been! 2020 has redefined what it means to bounce back. Just when you think you’ve set up a routine that works and life seems to be chugging along, something comes and upsets the whole apple cart again. Pivoting to these new challenges, everybody has repeatedly been forced to regroup, think quickly and adapt. Bouncing back has been the theme of 2020. I’m so impressed by the creativity, fortitude and persistence I’ve seen in parents, kids and young adults throughout this year. Necessity is truly the mother of invention, isn’t it? I’ve seen children have driveway playdates with a chalk line separating them for safety: teens sit six feet apart on the trunk of their cars to see their buddies in person; college students throw a virtual dance party to connect with their community. Kids have made their own popcorn and watched a movie with their cousins on Zoom while parents have arranged “Mocktini’s” with beloved extended family members and friends. Somehow people managed to host virtual or distanced birthday parties and holiday gatherings that had meaning and fun. As parents, you have risen to the enormous challenges of this pandemic. You’ve created effective routines to manage remote learning, homework and chores, often in combination with your own work, and tweaked them as needed. You’ve fought so that the educational needs of your Neurodiverse sons and daughters are met in this new academic environment. You arranged music lessons, safe participation in sports and socially distant playdates. You’ve lost your tempers, wished you had some time to yourself and did the right thing for your kids despite the personal cost. You grieved the loss of loved ones and nursed the sick back to health. You rose to meet this awful pandemic and showed up even when you felt sapped of strength. I have been moved over and over again by how you, your children and teens keep bouncing back. You inspire me. While it’s not easy, you’ve all adapted to the many tough challenges that 2020 put in your path. Bravo. Take a minute and let this sink in. You and your family made it this far. This is what resilience is all about. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary (https://bit.ly/2JaDaq9), resilience comes from the Latin root of salire, a verb meaning "to leap." Everybody has taken leaps this year--sometimes landing on your feet and sometimes falling. But, somehow, we stand up. We pivot, we change direction and move forward. During this holiday season, I hope that you and your family acknowledge all of the strides you have made by creating a Wall of Wonder. Get some Post-It’s, open some space on a wall and encourage people to write down (or draw) and post any of the following:

Something they are grateful for
One thing that went well
A memory of a fun experience (maybe an outing to the beach, the time you made pizza from scratch or riding bicycles in the park)
Something they are proud of themselves for
One thing they appreciate about someone else

On New Year’s Eve, gather as a family in front of the Wall of Wonder and look at what 2020, with all of its frustrations, sadness and obstacles, was also made of. Seeing these positive aspects of the year will help all of us make a bridge towards a better 2021. Happy holidays!

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Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/15/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/15/20

5 Parent Self-Care Ideas: Parenting ADHD in a Pandemic

Mother looking overwhelmed as she holds her hand on her head looking at a computer with a mask on next to her child who is doing remote work during the pandemic Parent self-care is essential during these times in a pandemic. Parenting an ADHD child or teen can add even more complexity to this difficult time. Children and teens with ADHD have symptoms that make remote learning more difficult due to executive function challenges, and they need more support with this new system. Factoring in self-care to an already full life of work, family and now teaching can be complicated. In fact, it’s usually the first thing to go out the window when people are stressed. But it should be one of the last. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

As you are told to put the oxygen masks on you before your child in order to be a support, the same principle applies here. Exercise, nutrition and emotional support are key elements to helping you run this long, arduous race.

5 Parent Self-Care Ideas during a Pandemic:

1. Get some physical exercise:

Not only will your body and your brain benefit enormously from the endorphins that exercise produces but you will also feel less resentful because you’ve done something good for yourself in the midst of all of the stress in your list. Make a parent self-care list of two types of activities you could actually do: one for home activities and one for safe outside activities. For the first list, include taking the stairs or seated/wall yoga poses to do when you need a break. For the second list, identify times and activities of exercise that you ENJOY and want to do. Decide how often you can do something and put it on your calendar with a reminder alarm. The goal is to use your body to help you let go of stress, not to get into the best shape of your life.

2. Eat well:

Shopping during COVID has become a little more complicated. The good food in your home get eaten first, and what's left may not be what you desire. You need fuel for this marathon, so make a list of healthy snacks that can stay fresh longer to purchase the next time you go to the grocery store.

3. Shop local:

Consider ordering take out from your community restaurant to bring in a healthy meal. Get your hair done and get a message if you are comfortable with the proximity. Even a box of tasty chocolates can brighten a day. Shopping local is a fun activity for family and parent self-care, but it also provides you with opportunities to support your local small businesses that are likely struggling during the pandemic. In addition, you're fostering connection with your community as a whole.

4. Practice meditation:

Take some each evening before bed or each morning as you awaken to be with yourself. Guided meditations on Apps such as Headspace, Mindful or Insight Timer can be a great way to start or end your day (or both) with a sense of personal calm, insight and hope.

5. Parent self-care includes connection & support:

Consider getting professional help or joining a support group if you need it to get through this horrible time. Stay connected to others but have some ‘me’ time, too. The Pandemic is a great way to tune into your own needs and discover what you can do for yourself to keep moving forward. Self-care is not selfish. It is a requirement for a happy soul and family.

Learn more:

Beyond ADHD Pandemic Burnout: How to Help Your Family Regroup and Find Strength
Parents, heres how to talk to your teen about self care
Reducing Teen Stress and Anxiety during Pandemic
Improve your health by giving (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/7/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/7/20

ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it

Young girl with ADHD and motivation issues playing with a pencil on her face instead of doing homework at the kitchen table with her parents watching in the background In October, the American Psychological Association released the results of its latest Stress in America survey. The report concluded that stress about COVID-19, the economy, racism and politics are threatening the mental health of our country, especially young people. In fact, the survey found that Generation Z students ages 13-17(81%) reported a negative impact on their lives from pandemic-related school changes and 51% said that planning for their future felt impossible. If we add to these results the daily stress that neurodivergent students with ADHD already face with remote/hybrid learning, it’s easy to understand why they are overwhelmed, discouraged and fed up. How can we help manage ADHD and motivation in these unprecedented times?

Challenges with ADHD and motivation for kids and teens

Boy outside on his phone listening to headphones struggling with ADHD and motivation

Kids and teens with ADHD have trouble regulating their attention. When they are stressed, it’s even harder to concentrate. Flooded by emotions that they can’t process or break down, their brains resort to fight, flight or freeze mode. Distractibility increases and cooperation goes down while procrastination rules the day.

You’ll see more angry outbursts from your child or teen, bouts of irrational anxiety and flashes of hopelessness and helplessness. As a parent, it’s tough to know what to do that’s helpful in these moments. Threats and punishment may get the job done temporarily, but they fail in the long run. They simply don’t teach the lasting skills about motivation that your student really needs. What can you do instead?

Nothing positive can occur when kids are in the middle of a stress reaction. Yes, they need to start their math worksheet, study for the science test or write that history paper. But, in those moments, no clear thinking occurs. Slow things down and do something different. STOP the action.

What’s most important is that your son or daughter feels listened to and cared for. Feeling heard reduces their stress reaction and the isolation that they feel. Once they are calmer, then you can brainstorm how to approach the task at hand. This is how we motivate kids when they are stuck. We honor their struggle and gently shift their direction.

Reduce stress and help kids with ADHD with motivation by using the 3 R’s: reflect, reassess and recalculate.

1. Reflection:

Listen to what your son or daughter is showing you with their behavior and their words. Rather than interpreting or solving problems, just reflect back what you hear and ask if there’s anything more they want to say. Empathize with their struggle. Believe me, they would rather not procrastinate. Many kids who struggle with ADHD and motivation tell me that they hate this cycle and feel defeated but don’t know how to break out of it.

Mother consoling her daughter who is upset

2. Reassess:

Talk through what’s going on and what realistic options look like. Anxiety and depression related to stress distort our thinking and exaggerate negativity. Concentrate on what is really happening here? The calmer you can be, the easier it will be for your child or teen to collect themselves. There are three types of procrastination:

- - - - Perfectionism (“If I can’t get do it just right, why bother?”)
      - Avoidance (“I hate doing this, it seems like I’ll never finish so I’m not going to try.”)
      - Productive (“I’ll do other stuff that needs to get done but not the main thing because it seems overwhelming or impossible.”)

Which one is your child engaging in and why?

3. Recalculate:

Father sitting on the floor supporting his daughter with ADHD sitting and crying on the bed

Like your GPS, your student needs to pivot and go another way. How can you assist them in breaking down the task into smaller, more manageable parts? The key to getting started when you have ADHD and motivation challenges is feeling like you can do something and there is an end in sight. What is the bare minimum that your child or teen can do right now? Perhaps you need to reset the threshold today, email the teacher and strategize new options tomorrow.

Use meaningful incentives to teach your son or daughter that effort leads to satisfying accomplishment. Incentives change the conversation from “I can’t” to “Let’s try a small step and earn a desired reward.” This extrinsic motivator helps kids get going until the intrinsic motivation system kicks in--by the late teens or early twenties in neurotypical kids with, as much as a three year delay in young people with ADHD.

Over time, your child will learn to put the have-to’s in front of the want-to’s but this lesson takes patience, practice, scaffolding and collaboration. Work together to determine incentives and then stick with whatever you agreed to. When you are faced with that inevitable pushback from your son or daughter, remember that kids freak out when they feel overwhelmed because they lack appropriate coping skills to deal with challenges they are facing. Take a deep breath and meet them where they are, offering love and support for the scary place they are in.

Child with ADHD with headphones on engaged in online learning at home.

Source: Stress in America 2020 survey signals a growing national mental health crisis. (n.d.). Retrieved December 08, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2020/10/stress-mental-health-crisis.

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline's YouTube Channel:

- Initiating and Completing Tasks with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD (ADDitude Mag ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline)
- Kids Feeling Bogged Down? Here are 4 Tips to Boost Motivation (WWLP 22 News interview with Dr. Saline)

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/motivation/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/hw-hassle-vid/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/2/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 12/2/20

Holidays and Family Estrangement

Lonely looking senior looking out the window at the trees Family estrangement refers to the loss of a former relationship between parents and children, siblings or other extended family members. Holidays are times when this estrangement can lead to anxiousness, PTS and other conditions. Estrangement reflects physical or emotional distancing and minimal contact or communication for an extended period. It can result from many things: physical, sexual, verbal, child or elder abuse, neglect, divorce, trauma, money, inheritances, substance abuse or something else. When people are estranged from their parents, their feelings may often be complicated. There may be a mix of relief, grief, sadness or anger. Often they see the decision to cut ties with that family member as a life-saving measure.

Estrangement: An example

One young man I’ve worked with was sexually abused for 5 years as a Adolescent girl standing and looking bored with her face resting on her hand child by his older, schizophrenic brother after his father died. When he finally told someone at his school, the Department of Social Services intervened. He was moved to his aunt’s house where he lived until graduation. Since he has no contact with that brother who currently lives with their mother, he also has no communication with her. This is a choice he made for his own mental health. He believes his mother chose his brother’s well-being over his own. In order to move on with his life and cultivate healthier relationships, he needed to sever their communication. He still deals with his traumatic past when memories arise periodically, but he’s been able to find a loving partner and create his own family.

How to manage the holidays with estranged family members

If you decide to see estranged family members over the holidays, it’s critical to establish clear, firm boundaries about your contact. Consider emailing in advance. Let et them know what you don’t want to discuss and what you do. Often these visits can be very triggering and activate old wounds.

If you feel afraid that the contact will not be safe for you, it’s okay not to push yourself.

Ask yourself these questions if you choose to interact:

- - How long can I actually spend with this person before I start to feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable?
  - What is my safety plan for when I am triggered?
  - Who is my ally in this situation? What is my plan for checking in with them throughout the gathering?
  - How can I appropriately leave when I need to and where will I go?
  - Who will help me process this experience when it’s over just in case I need that?

Whether you choose to connect with an estranged family member or not, check in with yourself. This has been a hard year, make sure you aren't putting more on your shoulders than you can handle this year.

Read more blog posts:

Source: Span, P. (2020, September 10). The causes of estrangement, and how families heal. The New York Times. Retrieved December 20, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/10/well/family/family-estrangement.html

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/25/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/25/20

Gratitude in an Age of Uncertainty

Mother smiling in the living room, cuddling with her two young adolescent children It’s clear that this holiday season won’t look like anything we’re accustomed to. Unable to gather safely with beloved family and friends, many of us (myself included) are planning for much smaller dinners. With all of the uncertainty we’ve been facing as individuals and as a country, it’s more important than ever to teach and practice gratitude for what we have and what’s gone well. How can you do this when you (and your family) may be frustrated, disappointed and anxious?

Gratitude: Thankful

The Cambridge Dictionary defines gratitude as “a strong feeling of appreciation to someone or something for what the person has done to help you." I like this definition because it’s grounded in human relationships, and is more specific than ‘being thankful.’

For some people, it may be easy to feel generally thankful. For others, it may be tougher. Perhaps someone you care about has been sick or died; your children are struggling with remote/hybrid school; or you are dealing with food, housing or job insecurity. Whatever your particular situation may be, shifting the focus and noticing how someone has helped in recent months may open your eyes and your heart to a more accessible type of gratitude.

Expressing appreciation can lead to stronger relationships

An adult standing in front of a blank background, holding their hands over the heart and smiling at the camera.

In our crazy busy lives, we may toss a perfunctory ‘thank you' for a small act of kindness without wholeheartedly expressing it. Though we may value a patient teacher, an attentive nurse or a competent mechanic, we often don't take the time to let them know. I believe that the holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving and continuing on through the New Year, offers us an opportunity to express genuine gratitude with people who have touched our lives.

Children and teens with ADHD, who may miss social cues or be unaware of how their actions impact others, really benefit from slowing down and taking stock of helpers in their lives. Teaching kids to notice how people treat them and how to acknowledge consideration and generosity shows them that these qualities matter. They learn compassion, understanding and empathy.

Here are a few tips to practice gratitude in your family this year:

1. Notice what you have, not what you don’t.

We all can live in the ‘shoulds’ and ‘wants’. “I should be able to do X.” “I want a new phone.” When your son or daughter rails on how unfair it is that they don’t have this or that, trying to convince them otherwise wastes your time and energy. Instead of lecturing them and going negative yourself, take a deep breath, validate their longing and encourage them to keep a list of what they want for the future. Try not to engage but, if you must say something, remind them to focus on what they have and set goals for getting what they want.

2. Build awareness of gratitude: A family activity

Toddler in a yellow shirt holding up a handwritten card that says "Thank you" in different colors.

Grab a stack of Post-Its or scrap paper, and gather your kids together for a 15 minute activity. Ask them to write down 3 specific things in their lives that they appreciate. From sports teams, to their iPad, to hot showers--anything is acceptable.

Next, ask them to connect those items to the person who made sure they happened or provided them. Post these on a large piece of paper, bulletin board or wall in a common area, such as the kitchen or living room. This activity helps your kids see that the cool stuff in their lives is linked to real people.

3. Express gratitude, simply or creatively:

Family around the thanksgiving table, holding a tablet device to connect with other family member virtually.

Similar to learning how to give an authentic apology, kids with ADHD may not express appreciation as we typically expect. While eye contact and a heartfelt ‘thank you’ are ideal, your child or teen may do better with writing or expressing their gratitude in other ways.

Consider doing something fun this holiday: Write everybody’s name down on separate pieces of paper. Then, place them in a hat. Have each family member pick a name, and then write or draw a thank you note for an act of kindness that person has shown during the past week, month or year. Place these notes on plates, and open them together before your meal.

The day after Thanksgiving is also a holiday

The day after Thanksgiving is often filled with Black Friday shopping. But, it’s also a holiday. On October 8, 2008, President George W. Bush signed The Native American Heritage Day bill into law. This day is designated to pay tribute to Native Americans and their important legacy. Consider taking a few minutes to talk with your children about these contributions and how they have enriched our lives.

Read more blog posts:

Source: Meaning of gratitude in English. Cambridge English Dictionary. (n.d.). Retrieved December 20, 2021, from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/gratitude

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/17/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/17/20

Reducing Teen Stress and Anxiety during Pandemic

The Enormity of the COVID19 Experience

My heart goes out to teens and young adults. Staying compassionate, offering to collaborate on tasks and being available to talk through emotions is critical in reducing teen stress and anxiety during this pandemic. Don’t try to solve issues. Offer suggestions and avoid getting hurt if they aren’t taken. Young adults often like to figure things out for themselves, which means trial-and-error learning. Sometimes the best support you can give is managing your own frustrations, sharing your feelings without blame or guilt and validating their successes.

Strategies and Practical Approaches that WORK

Help teens acknowledge these uncomfortable feelings without trying to fix them - It’s natural to have low morale and feel stuck right now. This situation is no one’s fault and everybody is trying hard to manage the best they can. Focus on building their resilience. Consider past difficulties and reflect on how they overcame them. Explore how those strategies could apply to current challenges. Write these strategies down so teens can refer to them later.
Set realistic and appropriate goals - Teens may not be able to concentrate with hybrid learning as well as they have in the past. Keeping that in mind, work together and come up with do-able daily and/or weekly routines. Collaborate on a daily schedule that includes timed work and break periods, exercise, physical distance socializing and screen-free times. Having a reliable routine will keep kids grounded and on track. It helps them with predictability in these uncertain times.
Instill gratitude - every day, no matter how small, find one thing to be grateful for. Eating a yummy dinner, FaceTiming with a dear friend or playing a fun video game. It’s easy for teens to dismiss what they have in favor of longing for what they don’t. Help them shift their perspective to see the positive things that are going on instead of focusing on the things they are missing.
Wonder instead of worry - When teens don’t know what to expect and feel perpetually uncertain, their anxiety increases. In these times, they’re likely to act out because they may not have the language to express the combination of anger, frustration, sadness and worry that’s underneath their behavior. Help them tolerate the insecurity and pivot. Being curious instead of worrying means wondering about possible outcomes from a place of confidence that they can handle whatever arises.

To be honest, I used mental health days with my daughter when she was a teenager. About twice a semester, she would hit a wall: she needed sleep and some down time to get her head back in the game. So, we periodically gave her a “Sick-and-Tired” day off from school. It wasn’t planned but we had agreed as a family in advance that she could have 2 such days per semester. It was a successful collaboration: she felt that she got the mental health day she needed and we saw a positive difference when she returned to school.

Deeper Dive:

https://drsharonsaline.com/2020/06/30/whats-a-normal-level-of-anxiety/ https://drsharonsaline.com/2020/03/10/kids-and-mental-health-days/

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/10/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/10/20

How ADHD Is Diagnosed

This content is excerpted from HealthCentral on How ADHD Is Diagnosed. I am one of the panel experts, along with Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D.Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Rosemarie Manfredi, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist and Certified School Psychologist Let's Talk About How ADHD Is Diagnosed How ADHD Is Diagnosed. There's no single test that can determine if you or your child has ADHD, but we'll help you get the answers you’re seeking. First, What Exactly Is ADHD?

ADHD is one of the most prevalent neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. It can continue well into the adult years. ADHD is marked by:

Inattention (wandering off task, loss of focus, disorganization)
Hyperactivity (being in constant motion)
Impulsivity (acting or speaking without thinking)

People with ADHD may have one of these signs or symptoms, or a combination. Most kids have the type of ADHD that’s a combo of symptoms. More than 6 million children have been diagnosed with ADHD. Roughly 11 million people, or 5 percent of the adult population, have it, too according to a 2016 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Who Diagnoses ADHD?

ADHD can't be diagnosed based on a 15-minute checkup. A proper ADHD diagnosis involves interviews with the person and their parents or other loved ones—and teachers, if applicable. There are checklists, observations, official questionnaires and a medical evaluation, too. Before calling on a trained ADHD expert, know this: Only medical professionals, like physicians and nurse practitioners, can perform a thorough physical evaluation to rule out other possible medical causes of ADHD-like symptoms. As part of a complete check-up, you or your child should get a vision and hearing test. Your physician may also screen for brain injuries, such as a concussion, and look for an underlying seizure or sleep disorder. In rare cases, individuals with ADHD-like symptoms may have thyroid dysfunction. If this is suspected, a blood panel may be ordered. At the same time, other conditions can masquerade as—or coexist with—ADHD. These include:

Developmental delays
Autistic spectrum disorder
Learning disabilities
Anxiety
Depression
Trauma
Bipolar disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the majority of children diagnosed with ADHD also meet the diagnostic criteria for another mental health disorder. These types of issues are normally screened for during the next step of the ADHD diagnosis process: The comprehensive evaluation (also called a comprehensive assessment).

Read the HealthCentral Article

Additional Resources:

https://drsharonsaline.com/2020/10/02/video-going-back-to-school-w-dr-sharon-saline-debbie-reber/

Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/3/20 Dr. Sharon Saline's Team 11/3/20

ADHD Teens and Remote Learning: 5 tips for learning success

Teen with ADHD doing remote learning with help from a parent on the couch Has your ADHD teen hit a wall with remote learning? Many teens with ADHD in middle and high school are struggling with organization, initiation, time management and a limited capacity for self-evaluation. It’s tough as a parent of a teen to know how much involvement is appropriate and when it’s too much. Independent school work--whether it’s attending remote classes or doing homework--require most, if not all, of kids’ developing executive functioning skills. These skills need to be taught directly, and your teen can’t learn them on their own, despite whatever pushback they show you. Today I’m going to discuss how to strengthen a few of the key executive functioning skills needed for school success.

Collaborate with your ADHD teen about remote learning practices, and make a plan together.

First and foremost, you’ll need to co-create a plan with effective interventions to build these skills with less arguing. The key to creating any programs and having them last is to collaborate with your teen.

Set a time for a weekly family meeting.
At the meeting, pick ONE skill to address that you both agree on.
Then, brainstorm solutions and include at least one of their ideas in your new plan.
Prepare to tweak this plan at your weekly chat. As you live with some of these changes, they will likely need to be adjusted.

Finally, remember to validate and acknowledge ANY cooperation and progress towards the goal. When you notice their efforting, kids feel encouraged and will keep trying.

5 tips to help ADHD teens with remote learning challenges:

1. Prepare ADHD teens for the remote learning process

While you’re probably not trained as a teacher, and you may not understand the algebra that your teen is learning, you can still set up the home as a meaningful learning environment. Take some time to understand the online school platform. Make sure your teen does, too. They are agile with the internet, but not perhaps with the intricacies of this site.

Tip: Establish appropriate expectations.

Most teachers are very good at letting their students know what they anticipate from them. You must do the same thing.

If your teen has trouble with completing and submitting their work, set up a routine with the expectation that, at the end of doing homework, you see their finished work and confirm that it’s been uploaded correctly. Provide regular check-ins: ask if they are stuck on something and, if you can’t help them, brainstorm who can.

2. Organization:

Everything needs a place and that includes online materials. When a student attends school in-person, they have materials such as pencils or pens, notebooks, workbooks and textbooks. They store papers and worksheets for classes in folders or files. These materials may be messy or neat, but there’s usually some type of system.

Tip: Manage digital information in a systematic way.

Parent sitting at the computer, thinking and holding a pencil in her mouth, helping her teen with ADHD organize school work by creating an online color blocked calendar.

Teens with ADHD need a similar storage system for remote learning: files and folders that are clearly marked and accessible for class materials, separate browsers for school and fun stuff and calendars for what’s due when.

These calendars can be digital or paper or both. A weekly online calendar with color blocks of what’s happening when, a whiteboard that changes weekly or a paper calendar with Post-Its of tasks will provide a map for your teen of what to do. Give extra time for organizing materials and work with what systems make sense to your teen (by color, subject, numerical, etc.)

3. Initiation:

Many teens with ADHD struggle with initiation and are excellent procrastinators. They simply can't start with unpleasant or intimidating tasks, either because of the quantity of the task or its content. If something seems too overwhelming and unpleasant, they can’t get started due to three different types of procrastination:

- Perfectionism (“It’s got to be just so”)
- Avoidance (“I hate this”)
- Productive (“I’ll do something I like that I have to do instead of the important thing”).

Tip: Help ADHD teens with remote learning assignments by breaking them down and using incentives.

The greatest barrier to initiation is someone’s perception of the task. Most teens with ADHD can see the value of completing tasks, but they may well lack the interest, skill or focus to do it. Make tasks small enough that beginning them is within your teen’s reach. Instead of doing five math problems, start with one.

Teen's sneakers on the pavement with chalk drawings of different arrows, each a different color, going in various directions, showing the ADHD teens uncertainty of how to proceed

If your teen doesn’t understand the remote learning material, arrange regular help sessions with the teacher.

To promote follow through, set up timed work periods based on how long your teen can focus before distraction impacts their productivity. For example, maybe they work for 15 minutes, take a planned 5 minute break and work for another study period with another short break, and a final push before a bigger incentive/reward for their efforts.

3. Time management:

It’s very common for people with ADHD to experience time-blindness. They wrestle with how to feel and understand time. This challenge makes it harder for kids to estimate how long something will take and what they can do in a certain amount of time. This misunderstanding of time affects their capacity for organization and motivation. Luckily, time responds very well to direct instruction.

Tip: Make time physical, and use external alerts.

A close-up on a watch that has a clock face as well as words that say "too late" "on time" and "too early" to give context to the time.

Use analogue clocks or timers to show kids how time moves. Instead of guessing about time, collect information by putting on your scientist’s cap. Post a simple chart of a few dreaded tasks, a guess about how long they will take and then a measurement of the amount of time it actually took. For three days, ask your teen (or work with them) to keep track of these, Then review your findings and adjust your weekly/daily calendar accordingly.

4. Self-evaluation:

Self-evaluation, also known as metacognitive awareness, is the last executive functioning skill to coalesce. Often, this happens in the mid-to-late twenties for people with ADHD. The term self-evaluation refers to the abilities for self-understanding, judgment and decision-making. It’s critical to develop this capacity for self-reflection as children mature. Teens who are naturally more self-focused are primed for this process. Better self-awareness fosters the academic and social competence they’ll need for adulthood. When kids understand what kinds of learners they are, they are more likely to feel more confident in their abilities and solve problems more effectively. This is important for adapting to new situations, such as teens with ADHD adjusting to remote learning.

Tip: Ask open-ended questions to guide self-reflection.

Instead of telling your teen what they’re not aware of, or how they could do something differently, ask them questions such as:

- - “What’s helped you before that you could apply to this situation?”
  - "What are some other choices you could make in the future in a similar experience?”
  - “When facing something that you dislike, what's one strategy that works to get you started?”

Share some of your observations if they are stuck.

ADHD teen girl smiling with her hand on her chin looking up to the side looking like she's thinking in front of a pink backgorund

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Saline's YouTube Channel:

How to Help Your Children Transition Back to School Smoothly (WWLP 22 News Mass Appeal interviews Dr. Saline)
ADHD Students: Tips for Transitioning Back to In-person Learning (ADDitude ADHD Parenting Q&A with Dr. Saline)
Help Your Kid Overcome School Anxiety (Operation Parent Webinar with Dr. Saline)

Deeper Dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/online-learning-tips-for-parents-bundle/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/