Negative Assumptions about Students with Disabilities

Yes, we are all more than our diagnosis, but negative assumptions about students with disabilities run rampant in our culture.

Often kids with learning disabilities are seen as less intelligent or competent by peers or adults.  Sadly, they may begin to believe that they are ‘less than,’ lower their expectations for themselves and isolate from friends. 

The current trend in US education is towards the integration of different types of learners in elementary and secondary school classrooms, not creating homogeneous learning situations. These diverse environments help break down barriers between young people and offer valuable opportunities for them to connect. They reduce the stigma associated with having a learning disability and being seen as ‘different’ in a judgmental light.  A child who may be dyslexic but quick with math will see other students who also juggle their own strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps someone writes well but spells poorly or another student excels at algebra but struggles with geometry. Maybe the kickball game at recess levels the academic playing field and what happens in the classroom is long forgotten with a winning home run. 

In my book, “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life,” I interviewed dozens of kids with ADHD who told me, overwhelmingly, that they do not like being singled out because they have ADHD. They consider it a part of who they are—not the whole story—and they are trying their best to figure out how to accept the brains they have and spend time doing what they love. Often, they turn to non-ADHD friends for feedback, guidance and support. One high school senior told me that she really benefits from doing homework with her non-ADHD boyfriend because he notices when she’s spacing out and calls her back to the task at hand. Another boy is grateful to his group of friends who patiently repeat something in a group conversation if he misses it as they all laugh together. These kids want to do well and fit in as much as any teen. 

Inclusion programs provide essential interactions and relationships between kids, replacing feelings of isolation with normalcy. Ultimately what matters is who a person is, not what they can or can’t do. Kids are much more likely to take this perspective when they have natural, unforced contact with each other.

Psychology Today: You've Got A Job—Now What?

When you've landed a steady job, whether it's full or part-time, it's very exciting to make and have your own money. Managing that money, though, can often be challenging. Learn how to manage your money effectively. Click logo below to read more.

22 News Mass Appeal: Four parenting tips to help students have a successful school year

Many kids, especially those with learning challenges, may need extra support navigating the shift back to school. Dr. Sharon Saline offers four tips to help get kids off on the right foot. Click logo below to read more.

Teen Hormones and the ADHD brain? Helping Kids in Transition

As they enter adolescence, boys and girls with ADHD may not be able to articulate what is swirling around inside of them. Quick to react and then make inappropriate choices, they may not be aware of what triggers them or how to manage themselves differently. When the floodgates release, their feelings overwhelm them. Sometimes the intensity of these moments reflects their changing hormones; other times, it's connected to their frustration of living with ADHD. It's hard to tell the difference. 

The onset of puberty in boys and girls, especially those with ADHD, can also increase their reactivity and sensitivity to anxiety, anger and later, shame about how they've behaved. Both estrogen and testosterone have a direct effect on the brain’s neurotransmitters. Their outbursts are showing you that they need help developing skills for self-regulation and understanding what's happening in their bodies and brains. 

Here are a few things you can do to assist them:

1. Arrange an appointment with his or her pediatrician to discuss the behavioral changes you’ve been seeing at home and talk about how and why hormones contribute to them. It’s important that the doctor knows what is happening and may have some suggestions for both of you. 
2. Collaborate with your son or daughter to find ways to deal with their agitation. Given fluctuating hormones and the challenges of living with ADHD, you can’t expect to stop big feelings from happening. What you can do is create a plan to deal with them before they actually erupt. Sit down together and talk about the triggers that you both notice lead up to these explosions. Look for the patterns and focus on them instead of the content. Review any signs that indicate something’s changing. What does he notice is occurring in his body? What behaviors does she start to display? Make a list of these observations.
3. When things heat up, you've got to slow them down. Talk about what has helped in the past when intense feeling arose. Which of these could be used now?  Ask what you can do (and what you can avoid) that would support him or her in developing self-control in those moments? Connect these ideas to your previous observations. Write a list of  these options and post them in your kitchen.

If your son or daughter continues to struggle, consider going to see a therapist. Counseling can be extremely useful in assisting kids with ADHD and their parents to understand triggers that set them off, improve their ability to talk about what’s happening and reduce anxiety and anger and create options when emotions run high. 

Strategize Now to Set up a Successful School Year

Gather your strength--it's time to set the alarms, make the lunches and buy the supplies. School is starting again. How can you avoid frustration and arguments to create the smooth transition that everybody wants? By relying on Compassion, Collaboration and Consistency, you can work with your child or teen to set a positive tone for the year.

Many kids with ADHD feel mixed about the return to school. While they may be excited to see their friends, they often dread the return to academics, waking up early and the responsibility of homework. If they struggled last year, they may worry about repeating the same challenges or facing new, unexpected ones.

1. Before talking with them, take a few moments to summon your Compassion. Reflect on some of the highs and lows for your son or daughter from last year. How did they meet those challenges? What types of support from you or their teachers was helpful? Jot down some of your ideas. Before moving forward, remember that kids with ADHD are doing the best they can with the limited resources available to them in a given moment. They need you to understand this before approaching any plan for this year.2. Make a time to talk with your child or teen about this upcoming year so you can Collaborate on a plan for success. Ask them to recall successes and challenges and, if they can't think of anything, offer some reminders from your notes. Together, make a list of useful supports--anything from setting several alarms in the morning to emailing a copy of homework in case they forget to turn it in to breaking up study periods with timed breaks. Then, make a list of common distractions or obstacles you both anticipate could arise this year.

3. Evaluate both your expectations for the year and theirs. Consistency relies on regular efforting, not perfection. We want to nurture resiliency by acknowledging how kids with ADHD are trying to do stuff and improve themselves. You're looking for progress, not perfection. There are three types of goals to consider: easily attainable (things they can definitely achieve or have already been doing),  working on/within reach (things they accomplish but require supervision or help) and mostly reach goals (things that are sporadically achieved). For now focus on one easily attainable goal and one working on/within reach goal. You can expand this list as the year progresses. By  keeping things simple, you increase the chance for success and we want children and teens to feel as positive as possible right now. Feeling successful early in the year has a snowball effect: they notice their competence and want to build on it. Using Compassion, Collaboration and Consistency, you'll create a strong foundation for a great year!

Got an anxious high schooler with ADHD? Help is here.

Many teens today feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, especially those who are out-of-the-box thinkers. Life seems constantly demanding and stressful. With the executive functioning challenges that are typical of ADHD brains, it's even harder for them to regulate intense feelings.  Routine concerns can quickly balloon into outright panic.  Approximately 35% of kids with ADHD have also been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. In my clinical experience, this number seems higher. After hearing over the years about about the ways that they miss the mark, don't measure up and differ from other kids, these kids develop an internal vigilance--a nervousness--about the next time they will inadvertently stumble, what people will think of them and how to deal with the inevitable consequences. These worries fosters overt or covert anxiety. I've asked teens with ADHD to describe the two things that cause them the most anxiety. Here's what they’ve told me that they wish adults knew:

1. 1. They can’t keep up with 24/7 demands of their lives--whether it's in real time or on social media. They struggle to regulate themselves regarding technology, understand social nuances and keep track of events and responsibilities. Their parents don’t see or understand all of the nuances they are dealing with.

Solution: Despite their words or actions to the contrary, teens actually want their parents to set limits on technology and help them manage. Parents, befriend your children on all social media outlets and help them manage FOMO. Talk with your teens about appropriate responses to relationship challenges both online and in person. Help them distinguish when to engage and how. Create screen-free family time at meals. Ask them to share an online, Youtube or musical interest or hobby with you so you can understand and participate in their world 

1. 2. They feel enormous pressure about school, the college process and what to do after high school. Some teens with ADHD drive themselves too hard, over-focus on achieving good grades and keeping up with their friends. Going to the ‘right’ college becomes more important than pursuing what best fits their interests. Other kids, in the face of repeated academic difficulties, adopt a "why bother even trying" attitude. They've lost the interest and impetus to make efforts. Too often, in all of these scenarios, parents will push their children based on their expectations of who they think their teen should be. Arguments and disappointment abound.  

Solution: Meet your teen where they are, not where you want them to be or think they should be. Development is an organic process that doesn’t necessarily unfold in a linear fashion. This is especially true for kids with ADHD, learning differences or high functioning autism. Their brains need more time to mature and they may benefit from an alternative path for a while until things fall more into place. Be open to thinking about alternatives. Maybe your son who likes video games and art might be better suited for a vocational program in computer design than conventional academics. Perhaps your daughter who excels at soccer but hates writing might benefit from being an assistant coach for a gap year. Offer guidance and support with an open mind.  Of course, you can't erase your teen's anxiety. But, you can help them reduce it by monitoring their overwhelm, showing interest in their on-screen activities and keeping perspective on post-high school options.

Your Anxious Child Podcast: Expert Interview with Dr. Sharon Saline

Dr Sharon Saline is an expert on ADHD in children and adolescents. Her recent book What Your ADHD Child Wishes you Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids For Success in School and Life  is based on her interviews of children with ADHD. It is a book with  compelling stories and practical advice. Today she talked about the experience of anxiety with children who have ADHD. Click logo below to read more.

Screens, Summer and Sanity

You are the parent! Repeat. Screens are NOT a right! You are the parent! Repeat. Screens are NOT a right, they are to be earned. Write what you will accept, and then work with your child - now, at the start of summer, to collaborate on a plan that you both agree to. Learn more about my screens and summer advice in this Youtube video.

Want better conversations with your child or teen with ADHD? Use the WAIT-Now Method

Do you ever say something to your son with ADHD, or daughter with ADHD, and wish you could take it back? Most parents feel this way at one time or another. Sometimes, especially when raising teens, I've imagined a cartoon bubble of my words and wish I could suck them back into my mouth just a few seconds after it's already too late. That's why I created the WAIT-Now Method to help take that needed pause when you're triggered. Instead of blowing your cool and regretting it later, you'll say something appropriate and feel good about yourself too.

The WAIT-Now Method stands for "Why Am I Talking Now?" Rather than give into your automatic response in a tense or uncomfortable situation with your kids, you PAUSE by actively telling yourself to WAIT. This is part of the STOP in my STOP, THINK, ACT technique, but it's geared directly to what you say. Notice what you are saying to your child or teen, how are they responding and where the conversation is headed. If it's going downhill, pause your talking and ask yourself these questions:

WAIT-Now Method: "Why Am I Talking Now?

1. What am I saying?

   Ask yourself if you are actually communicating what you want to be. If you are, great--keep going. If you aren't, then stop. Take a few deep breaths and pause. Reflect on what you really want to saying, edit your words and try again.

2. How are my words being received? 

   Notice how your son or daughter is responding. Their body language and their comments are giving you valuable information about the effectiveness of your words and whether or not you need to change direction.

3. Why am I invested in saying these things? 

   Identify your goals in this conversation. Are you engaged in clarifying a direction, are you giving them helpful feedback, are you trying to keep them safe? Why you are talking to them directly affects how you talk to them.

4. Could I listen more and talk less? 

   Sometimes we fill in uncomfortable gaps or anxious moments with words. Open spaces in conversations with kids give them time to reflect on what you're telling them and think about what they want to say in return.

This takes time to learn and practice makes progress. Be kind to yourself when you see that cartoon bubble, regroup and try again next time. To give yourself a useful reminder, write WAIT NOW on a post-it and put it on your refrigerator!

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Read more blog posts:

• Parenting Older Teens with ADHD: Land the Helicopter and Focus on Scaffolding
• ADHD and Negativity: Why ADHD kids and teens say "No" and how to help them communicate
• ADHD and Anger in the Family: Manage Outbursts with STOP-THINK-ACT

https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/  

WebMD: What Is Your Non-ADHD Partner Thinking?

If you have ADHD, you may sense your partner is sometimes frustrated by your behavior, but you might not know exactly what's bothering her -- or what to do about it. Everyone's different, but there are some common things like disorganization, forgetfulness, or blurting out your thoughts that can trigger friction. Learn how to recognize the flashpoints and take steps that can ease the tension.

Click logo below to read more.

 

Attention Magazine: What's Up With All This Anger?

YOU KNOW THE MOMENT. The moment when something goes wrong or someone says a few words that set you off. A switch has flipped and suddenly there’s a bubbling volcano of angry, negative emotions inside of you waiting to erupt. Within seconds, before you know what’s happening, you say or do things that you’ll surely regret later but can’t stop. Everybody struggles with these moments. For folks living with ADHD, though, they seem to occur more often and more intensely than for people with neurotypical brains. It can be a frustrating and often shameful way to live, with relationships or work negatively affected. Why does this happen to people with ADHD and what can you do differently to create calmer, happier lives? Read What's Up With All This Anger? April 2019

ADDitude Magazine: How Many Friends Does My Child Need to be Happy?

Many children with ADHD are active, curious, and personable — but also unsure how, where, and when to make friends. If your child doesn’t have any close friends yet, keep in mind common maturity delays and use these strategies to build stronger social skills over time. Click logo to read more.

Psychology Today: Ending the Semester Strong—Going from the homestretch to the finish line

It’s that crazy time of the year again. The time when classes are wrapping up as the semester closes and you’ve got more work than you think you can accomplish. If you’re like most college students, you’re feeling overwhelmed, if not panicked, about how you’re going to get it all done and turned in on time. If you’ve struggled in the past and taken incompletes or failed some classes, then it’s likely that your stress levels are extra high. Take a deep breath. Here are some effective ways that you can finish this term and stay sane. Click logo below to read more.

How You can Avoid the 3 Most Common Mistakes Parents Make with Kids with ADHD

As you crawl into bed after another long day struggling about school, chores and technology with your child or teen with ADHD, do you ever feel like throwing in the towel? You’re not alone. Many parents of kids with ADHD feel frustrated and dejected. In your efforts to help your son or daughter get their homework done, make it to sports practice and pick up their room, do you feel like none of your reminders stick? What could you do differently to foster long term results?

In spite of the pushback and yelling you may receive, your child or teen with ADHD really needs you to hang in there.  They can’t learn those all-important executive functioning skills like organization, planning, prioritizing and self-regulation without you. But, if you lose it when they're already upset, if you don't work with them on solutions to daily challenges and if you notice their efforts and encourage their progress, you won't be assisting them to build the essential life skills and self-esteem they need. My 5C’s approach--self-control, compassion, collaboration, consistency and celebration--provides the tools for you to create lasting changes. You'll be more of the parent you want to be and your child really needs.  Let’s look at the 5 common mistakes parents of kids with ADHD make (without shame or guilt!) and how you can avoid them: Mistake #1: Losing your temper: It’s natural to get upset when someone’s screaming, kicking or hitting you. But your agitation only adds fuel to their fire. The first order of business when things are escalating is to regulate yourself. By managing your own feelings first, you'll be in a better space to act effectively and teach your child to do the same. This doesn’t mean never getting upset or always feigning calmness. Instead, you notice when you’re becoming riled up and try to bring yourself back. You stop what you’re doing, take some deep breaths, call a pause in the action and re-orient. Like your GPS, your re-center without judgment. Mistake #2: Excluding them from participating in creating solutions to daily problems. Kids with ADHD, even young children, have their own ideas about what isn’t working and what could be better. This input is very important. They spend all day at school--a place where they often face social, academic or emotional challenges and hear about how, where and when they’ve missed the mark. They're given directions about how to do things differently that may not make the most sense for how their particular brain works. When parents or caregivers include the opinions of kids with ADHD to address problem areas, there’s more buy-in and, ultimately, cooperation. Collaboration means working together with your child (and other important adults) to find solutions to daily challenges instead of imposing your rules on them. This collaboration offers a “we” attitude instead of a “you” attitude: they see you more as an ally instead of an opponent. Mistake #3: Being too focused on the outcome and ignoring their efforts along the way. Many parents, understandably, want to see immediate changes in their child’s behaviors when they give feedback or start a behavioral plan. You are helping them achieve steps towards being the responsible, productive adult you both want to see. But sometimes these goals overshadow the efforts. Acknowledging their progress with genuine, positive comments actively counteracts the dominant negative messages they hear daily. Studies have found that a 3:1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones makes a big difference in promoting behavioral changes and can-do attitudes. If you are struggling with a child or teen with ADHD and would like to learn some sure-fire tips for improving cooperation and reducing arguments, please join me for my upcoming 4 session online workshop:  https://drsharonsaline.com/product/adhd-teleseminar/ .  

ADHD Parenting Class: What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew and How You Can Help

Webinar: 4 sessions 

Dates: 4/24/19 - 5/15/19

When a child is diagnosed with ADHD, the whole family is affected. In this workshop, taught by author and ADHD expert Dr. Sharon Saline, you will gain the essential information you need to understand ADHD and improve your child or teen’s executive functioning skills more effectively and patiently. You’ll learn how the ADHD brain works, how to navigate school and advocate for your son or daughter, how to reduce conflicts at home and how to help them become more confident and competent. She will also address hot topics such as managing technology, anxiety, siblings and social relationships. Learn directly from Dr. Sharon Saline as she shares her valuable insights and recommendations about living successfully with ADHD.

Based on her award-winning book, What your ADHD child wishes you knew, Dr. Saline mixes lecture, exercises, and discussion to help you develop creative, lasting solutions to everyday challenges.  

Only $119 with early registration discount before April 10, 2019. $149 Regular price.

Meet your child where they are – not where you expect them to be.

Learn more and register here

Blog Talk Radio: ADHD Shame and Negative Self-Talk

In this episode of Attention Talk Radio, ADHD coach Jeff Copper (www.digcoaching.com) interviews Dr. Sharon Saline (www.drsharonsaline.com) on the topic of shame and negative self-talk, what is obvious about its negative implications, and the truth about it. She also shares a trick to move past it. If you beat yourself up, feel like a victim, or struggle with feeling judged because of ADHD, this is a show you won’t want to miss. Click logo below to read more.

Psychology Today: Getting the Academic Support Teens and College Students Need

School-based interventions improve academic performance and social relationships. For high school students with ADHD who already run a higher risk for underachievement and dropping out than neurotypical kids, having support services can make all the difference. Click logo below to read more.

Important New Research Alert: What you can do to make sure your student gets what they need

A recent national study of approximately 2500 youth with ADHD ages 4 to 17 revealed some alarming findings about how the needs of students with ADHD are NOT being met. Although the majority of students were receiving one or more interventions, the authors, led by George DuPaul, Ph.D. of Lehigh University found that at least one in three students with ADHD received no school interventions even though they showed significant academic and social difficulties.[1] This is especially true for kids from non-English speaking and/or lower income families. Other shocking results: One in four students with ADHD had repeated a grade, one in six had been expelled from school. In addition, middle and high school students with ADHD were less likely than elementary school students to receive any school services despite similar if not worse academic and social functioning.[2] Honestly, I am quite distressed by the results of this study. Given that school is often the hardest area of functioning for kids with ADHD and there’s been so much professional development for educators about ADHD in the past decade, I guess I had naively believed that things were better than this. While this study sheds a glaring light on the lack of educational support and interventions for ALL kids with ADHD, those youngsters from non-English speaking families or those with fewer means have educational needs that are particularly neglected. Such disparities in who or who doesn’t get help means that education—a fundamental American value as the path for people to overcome racial and/or socioeconomic obstacles to find success on their own terms—is actually thwarting kids with ADHD. This is completely unacceptable. School-based interventions improve classroom behavior, academic performance and social relationships. For middle and high school with ADHD this current is particularly critical: they already run a higher risk for underachievement and dropping out. This current study also implies that services kids receive in elementary school are discontinued as they mature. It’s a sad irony I’ve seen too many times: when kids with ADHD have useful scaffolding and are doing better, the services are later withdrawn because of their success. Instead, these interventions need to remain in place to help with the increasing executive functioning demands for independence in middle and high school. What can you do to make sure your son or daughter is getting the services they need?

1. If your child was given a diagnosis of ADHD by a primary care or mental health provider and has not received an IEP or 504 evaluation, call the school and set up a meeting right away. Since your son or daughter already has a diagnosis and meets criteria for one of these interventions, you are entitled to have a meeting. Don’t be afraid to be persistent.
2. If your son or daughter already has an Individualized Educational Program, a 504 accommodation plan or a Functional Behavioral Assessment Plan, you can request an informal gathering of administrators, teachers and counselors to discuss the support services that are already in place. You many also ask for a formal team meeting to re-evaluate the existing IEP and make changes to it.
3. I recommend at least one informal meeting of the people at school who know and/or teach your child or teen per year so that you discuss academic and social goals and set up a method of communication that works for everyone. It’s great if the student can participate in part of this meeting as well so their perspective is both heard and integrated into the plan.
4. If you are unsure about the level of the services that your child is supposed to receive or unclear if the services are indeed being provided, then consider one of these options: A) Asking for someone (of your choice or the school’s) to observe your child in a few different environments at school and share those findings with you and the team; B) Consulting with someone outside of the school such as a learning specialist, ADHD coach or psychotherapist to review what’s in place for your student and make helpful suggestions; C) Speaking with an educational advocate to help you assess your situation and look at possible options.           

[1, 2] https://www2.lehigh.edu/news/george-dupaul-1-in-3-students-with-adhd-receive-no-school-interventions

MindShift: Five Ways to Help Children with ADHD Develop Their Strengths

And like all kids, they want to feel normal, says Dr. Sharon Saline, author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew. Saline, a psychotherapist who works with ADHD children and their families, argues that an informed empathy for ADHD children —  for what they experience on a daily basis — can inspire parents and teachers to work with these children in ways that will help them grow into responsible and happy adults.

Tilt Interview: Dr. Sharon Saline On What Our ADHD Kids Wish We Knew

In today’s episode, we cover a lot of ground—everything from what a child’s emotional journey is like as he or she comes to understand and accept the way their brain is wired and the correlation between anxiety and ADHD, to how parents can help ADHD kids reduce outbursts and more successfully collaborate with their kids.