Beating the ADHD Back to School Blues
As the beginning of school approaches or, perhaps, has already started, many kids with ADHD/ADD can feel a mix of excitement and dread. Some are excited to see their friends again but dread the start of the academic year. Others would just prefer to avoid the whole scene--social and academic. Often, they are sad to say goodbye to the freedoms of summer and the pleasure of homework-free days. Making this transition back to school can be challenging for even the most well adapted kids who don't have the challenges of ADHD to contend with. To beat the ADHD Back to School Blues, you have to help your child or teen navigate this shift to school by easing them into the changes ahead. Such support requires looking back and looking forward to identify and build upon successes and lessons from the previous year. Try these steps: 1) Talk about the return to school by reviewing with your child or teen a few positives and negatives about going back--being as specific as possible. 
2) Then look at what successes your child or teen had last year that you would like to see repeated and she would like to see repeated. If you can't come up with any at first, take some time to think of a few examples. No success is too small to mention. 3) Together, make a list of 3 goals for this year that are achievable and realistic. Keep them simple and concrete. For instance, if your son struggles with math and got a 'C' last year, getting an 'A' in math may not be a realistic goal for this year but getting a 'B' might be. Prioritize these ideals and agree to focus only on Number One for a month. Set a date for a follow-up conversation to check on his progress before moving on to Numbers Two and Three. 
4) Identify worries about the school year with your son or daughter. Your goal is to empower him or her towards feeling a sense of control over any concerns instead of being controlled by them. Strategize some manageable solutions and write them down on an electronic device or on a piece of paper (that you post so it doesn't get lost) for future reference. 5) Give your child or teen time to adjust to the school routine. It takes ADHD kids longer to re-adjust their internal body clocks and their minds to a new schedule. Good luck and welcome back to school!
Feeling overwhelmed by something? Break it down!
One of the most common problems for many kids with ADHD is feeling overwhelmed by a task. Whether it is doing homework, cleaning up a bedroom or looking for a summer job, they feel swamped and don't know where to begin. Often, they avoid doing these things rather skillfully and don't respond to reminders you offer them. How can you help your child or teen minimize their procrastination and get down to business?
Why do certain tasks leave kids with ADHD feeling overwhelmed?
The size of the task is one of the main issues behind most procrastination behaviors. Something small can feel enormous! When a project seems too big for any of us, it's usually daunting to start it.
For kids with ADHD, that feeling of intimidation is especially powerful and immobilizing. They often think, "Why start something that seems impossible to finish or even partially finish? What even bother?" Then, they often freeze and unwittingly become masters of avoidance.
Some progress is better than no progress
The best solution to feeling overwhelmed by a project, task or chore is to break it down into smaller pieces--sometimes really small pieces. We want your child or teen to be able to accomplish at least one step towards completion- and no step is too little in this process. With the confidence of doing something instead of listening to worry and negative self-talk, they will be moving along towards the goal at hand. It's this movement that builds confidence and further action.
Collaborate with your child to make a plan
Of course, the big question is "How do I create tasks that are the right size to promote starting them?" The answers lie in working collaboratively with your child or teen to set up a plan that fits his capabilities. Being as specific as possible, and remaining calm in the face of any frustration, are key to working together successfully.
For instance, when the room is very messy, agree that you will each pick up a few pieces of clothing per night so cleaning up is more tolerable. Or, when there are 30 math problems, try starting with half or even less (providing the teacher agrees to this) and increase steadily when those are successfully attempted and finished.
Here are the steps to take an overwhelming task and break it down:
1. Consider how long your child can attend to a task.
Before you sit down with your child or teen, ask yourself, "How long can they really focus on a chore or homework before they get distracted or bored?" You know your child quite well and, whatever the answer is, keep that in mind when you create the plan.
2. Decide together how many work periods they can handle in one day.
Schedule a time when things are calm to talk about this issue and how they're feeling. Are they feeling overwhelmed? Ask your child or teen how long they think that they can concentrate before they need a break. They might not be able to assess this very well, so then you can offer your insights.
Whatever they suggest, go with the smallest amount of time that comes up. If it's 15 minutes, great; if it's 45 minutes, great too.
For example, ADHD kids from 8-11 years old can usually do about 20-30 minutes of homework per day; ADHD middle schoolers can handle about 30-60 minutes; ADHD high schoolers manage 1-2 hours. Talk about starting with the most difficult components of the task first when concentration is the strongest.
3. Discuss the length and range of acceptable activities of the break they will need after the work period.
Breaks of about 5-10 minutes are usually adequate for school-age kids. The activities should be something from which they can easily disengage without an argument. Activities to consider are having a snack or a drink, playing a brief game (e.g. TicTacToe), taking a brief walk around the room or the house and using the bathroom. Avoid technology during breaks because stopping their usage is typically quite difficult.
4. Check-in, assess and adjust if needed.
Try it out! If it's still hard for your child to accomplish something or they are still feeling overwhelmed, then the task remains too big. To make it smaller, reduce the length of the work period. I have seen parents start with 5 minute work periods and eventually move up until 30 minutes, going slowly and steadily. This may mean you get less help initially with raking the leaves, or only one page of math problems gets completed. However frustrating this may be for you (and understandably it could be), remain patient as completion improves.
No matter what, the breaks do not change in length. Longer breaks seem to be harder for kids to recover from, and then you are back at the beginning of procrastination problems.
Remember, every successful step benefits from recognition.
Praise what you see being accomplished so that your child will eventually learn to do this for himself. This process of breaking things down when they are feeling overwhelmed can also be helpful in school where you, your child and his teachers can all be involved in determining the size and scope of what work periods and breaks look like for them.
Read more blog posts:
- Personal Project Planners For ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
- 5 Tips to Uplevel Your Spring Cleaning and Decluttering
- Teens, ADHD and Procrastination
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Personal Project Planners
Whether it’s writing a paper or cleaning up your desk, some projects are just hard to get to and even harder to finish. You simply consider organizing the mound of papers and junk on your kitchen table and a wave of fatigue sweeps over you, causing you to run suddenly for the couch in front of the television or your comfortable bed. Or, you mention the dreaded task like writing that college essay and your daughter suddenly has field hockey practice and hastily leaves the house. Starting a task that seems unpleasant or problematic, creating steps to move it along, and then completing it can be challenging for EVERYONE, especially people with ADHD. The project, the chore, and the paper all seem insurmountable because they appear overwhelming. The key to to success is breaking them into manageable parts. When you, your child or student create a customized plan that creates these , then you are already on the road to completion. Although there are many how-to forms for homework, chores and long-term projects, many of them are complicated and labor intensive. The goal of using any form is to provide structure for the planning, prioritizing and sequencing aspects of executive functioning skills that get you from the beginning to the end of a task. Here’s how you can create your own forms that suit you (and your child’s) specific management skills which will take some effort in the beginning but will definitely yield results. You will need a pen and a piece of paper.
- Choose the topic or task and write that on the top of the paper.
- Make a grid with 3 vertical columns and several horizontal ones. Label the columns “Possibilities, Pros, Cons.” It should look like this:
- Put any ideas about the project in the possibilities column, followed by what is good and bad about that idea. For example, if the task is organizing the stuff in the basement, the possibilities list might range from “taking everything to the dump” to “getting rid of anything that I haven’t used in 5 years.”
- Create the sequential steps needed to accomplish the task using another grid with 5 vertical columns and several horizontal ones. Use the labels suggested below OR create your own. Make as many numbered rows as required to finish the project. Make the actions as specific as possible. Estimating the time it takes to do a step and then comparing that guess with the actual time the passed improves those all-important time management skills as well!
Although many kids and adults with ADHD often reject the structure and practice of this process, I have found that my clients ultimately embrace such programs and find them extremely helpful. These “roadmaps” reduce anxiety, clarify goals and build confidence as activities are completed. So, swallow any resistance and try one today!
Effective Communication - The Rule of Three
Parents and teachers often complain to me that kids with ADHD don’t remember things they are told. This forgetfulness happens for a number of reasons—poor working memory, internal or external distractions, limited ability to sequence information into steps, anxiety about forgetting—and changing how you talk to a child or teen with ADHD can improve memory. When you are asking someone with ADHD to do something, that request should only have one component. The chances of him or her remembering more than one thing at a time are very slim, even with the aide of medication. So, keep your task SIMPLE. The rule of three is critical to successfully making these changes. 1. Say the youngster’s name. 2. Look directly at him/her AT EYE LEVEL, making sure your gaze is returned and held. 3. State your task clearly and calmly. Ask the child or teen to repeat your request EXACTLY and then, ask for a second repetition. These three steps have to be followed in this sequence in order for them to work most effectively. They activate several ways for connecting—sight, sound, repetition–that trigger different and simultaneous neural pathways. When the single task is completed, then you can give another one in exactly the same manner. Communicating in this easy, direct manner improves the likelihood that the task is remembered and completed. Everyone will be less frustrated and feel more confident that things actually get done!